California Tech v. 126:6, May 31, 2023

The California Tech VoL. CXXVI No. 6 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA New Undergraduate Dean Appointed Jonathan Booker | Campus "I can say that when I was first asked about it, it obviously seemed like a challenging role but I genuinely believe that I can stand up to the challenge," chimed Dr. Jennifer Jahner, newly appointed Dean of Undergraduate Students. Despite being in the early days of her tenure, Jahner already shows a promising vision for Caltech's undergraduate program, and an understanding of the need for continual growth and adaptation in this new environment. In an interview with the Tech, Jahner described her goal for a robust and comprehensive support system for Caltech students. "My priorities will be student welfare and academic progress, from their initial arrival on campus to well after they graduate, She assured. Jahner, who Caltech's first-ever female Undergraduate Dean, continued to emphasize her commitment to open communication and maintaining a strong relationship with the student body. approach- ability, willingness to under-stand, and address their needs and concerns directly. The dynamics within the Deans' Office are yet to be completely established, as Jahner's position is still in its nascent stage. Things are further complicated since she plans to take an academic and administra- tive leave during the 2023-24 academic year to complete her Fletcher Jones Distinguished Fellowship in British History and Culture at The Huntington Library. However, her collaborative approach and readiness to adapt suggest her eagerness to forge a cohesive and efficient team in the Dean's office in the time until then. Jahner steps into her role at a critical time, as Caltech faces an unprecedented surge undergraduate admissions. The record-breaking 272 ull dergraduates admitted to the class of 2027 have resulted in a significant resource shortage. While Jahner acknowledges the urgency of the situation, she remains cautious about revealing immediate plans for dealing with it, demonstrating her focus on informed decision-mak-ing and strategic planning. "I would be speaking out of turn Jahner re- sponded to further question. on the topic. "It is a priorit for the Student Affairs [depart-ment], but this is only my third day on the job, so I do not have enough information to give you a definite answer." When asked about the Office's plans for the future of CASS (Caltech Accessibility for Services Students), she displayed the same careful consideration, underlining her commitment to due diligence before making any hasty pronouncements or plans. It is evident that Jahner prioritizes open and frank dialogue regarding student affairs and prioritizes solutions based on data and consultation. Looking forward, Jahner is eager to incorporate student input into her work. This summer will provide an opportunity for her to connect directly with the student body, allowing them to voice their concerns and ideas for the future of Caltech. This approach not only reinforces Jahner's dedication to student engagement but also sets the stage for an inclusive and responsive Deanship. Jennifer Jahner's commit- ment to her role, her eagerness understand and address the unique challenges of the Caltech community, and her open approach to student communication promise a bright future for the undergraduate students of the Institute. WEDNESDAY, MAY 31, 2023 KOPENTY OF WALKER VILLE: The newly named Dean, Professor of English Dr. Jennifer Jahner, poses in ner once. Creat. Lance Haysmida Caltech Ditch Day Was Indeed Tomorrow! Chi Cap | Culture "Go to bed, frosh, Ditch Day is tomorrow!" is one of the most iconic catchphrases of Caltech. In fact, the moment the seniors sent the quirky message about dinner being absolutely delectable on Thursday, I heard it compare to the excite- ment of Thursday's announce-ments, Thursday night with the early curfew, and at last - Ditch Day. It is worth savoring Ditch Day from its very beginning to its end. In Dabney, frosh were warned from noon: "The se- niors think dinner will be tasty today." However, with with the many fakes fresh in our memo-ry, could this be a prank? And yet the day went on with a buzzing sense of anticipation. Dinner was indeed Tasty™) - it coincided with the first day of the student grilling program by CDS - and before you know it, it's announcement time. In Dabney, the seniors were quick to assert control. From our dining hall's audio system, dramatic music plays. Thun- derstorms of struck the all-shining ceiling afternoon. Seniors and the ghosts of previous time donned their best costumes and began their trek to a summit. Splits second af-ter, universe opened ntergalactic Star Fleet, tryin to solve the mystery of an ill-timed murder. Soon after, we jumped into the wormhole of space and came out anew: as a crop of rising-heroes trying to save the world. And of course, at the end of each and every Journey: "GO TO BED, FROSH, 'CAUSE DITCH DAY IS TO- MORROW!" This year, 10:30PM. the curfew is at Fifteen prior, for Dabney, the seniors summoned frosh to the lounge for a bedtime story before the night closed in and campus became senior-only. As a fro-sh (literally), I remember myself still grinding out the last of my set before the fun began (a ookie mistake), and no doub generations of frosh will kee so despite the est advice. This year, thougl I turned in early. For a night I felt like a kid the day before a field trip again: rumbling with excitement and chit-chats, the night growing heavy as if holding onto all the secrets and mischief the seniors were know it And before "WAKE you know UP FROSH, IT'S DITCH DAY!" it's time for the pots and pans. Each house has its own stacks with varying amount of seniors working on each stack. Some stacks involve adventure, some mystery, and some puzzle solv-ing. Frosh line up to join stacks and soon, the fun begins. From here the adventures di-verge, be it Among Us themed. making your own lightsabers in the basement of Spaulding, waddling in the Gene Pool, or resolving the mysteries among the historical documents of the Caltech Archives. For a day you are an adventurer, a space voy-ager, a warrior. As I (not real-ly) ran from the ninth floor of Caltech Hall to the Keck to disable explosives that will bring Caltech to its ground, I saw universes run parallel and crossed mine. continued on page 7 Former Tech Editor-in-Chief Kenny Thai gets paid after waiting nearly 3 years. I Got Paid! Parting thoughts from the previous Tech Editor Kenny Thai | Opinion have gone by when student Well, it may have taken 1171 sentiment has almost days, but the Tech has finally completely unrecorded in one given me my long-awaited com- of the student body's most ef- pensation. I've been around as fective channels of communi- one of the Tech's editors for cation to the greater Caltech community. My hope is that over three years at this point, but I can comfortably say that this will never have to happen this paper is in the best state it's again, but without the contin- been since I've started work- ued support of writers like you ing on it. The paper's biweekly you!) it's entirely possi- publication schedule doesn't be that the paper backslide- require the editing team to not into being a publication that sleep the night before publica- people forget even exists as its tion (Editor's note: *), revenue publication schedule grinds to from advertising is finally re a halt. I know from too much turning, and the pay rates have personal experience that this increased for the first time in cycle is incredibly hard to avoid decades! It's certainly a mas- once it begins. The best way for sive improvement over the year you to help us stay out of it is by and a half that we spent keep- submitting articles so that the ing the paper on life support editors don't have to scramble through digital distribution to find more at the last minute Of course, the Tech won't be every two weeks. able to stay as active as it cur- We currently have a pape rently is without some support! that people can expect and look Over the three years I've been forward to, and that gives stu- helping to run the paper, dents and administrators an our honest look into each others biggest (and often only) obstacle in our publication schedule perspectives. I hope that this has been getting enough arti- paper will continue to bring cles for us to fill an issue. There light to issues that too often go unacknowledged or pushed off. were often issues where the Editor-in-Chief would have to and that Caltech as a whole can write two or even three major work to address its shortcom- articles on their own because ings as a result. Thanks again no one else was willing to con-for the support that's been shown for the paper over the tribute, and this was during past four years; I've been proud periods of major changes in undergraduate life. Entire years to be a part of it. INSIDE THIS ISSUE... 2 Why Caltech's Mandatory Meal Plans Need to Change 2 Bike Theft on Campus The Admin Corner: Dean Lesley Nye Bernoulli the Beaver 3 3 5 ... Spring Interhou/vse Spotlight 6 Query the Quails! Caltech from the Perspective of an Exchange Student 2 Wednesday, May 31, 2023 Why Caltech's Mandatory Meal Plans Need to Change Joe Kim| Opinion "The meal plan should not be required in our housing con-tract. It is a financial burden-eating out and buying groceries would be cheaper. - A Fresh- man Skurve Caltech student's bursar bill is riddled with large nisa- "FLEX plan" bers. $19,493 for one term's tu- The California Tech month. $3,605 for one term's housing. And last but not least, will be $8,259-a dergrads (as of 2022) lived on campus. Of those roughly 900 students, all were automatically Rightly so, many students have been discontent with the meal out to multiple students who have attempted to opt out of the meal plans and Caltech ad- One student said, nancially responsible for paying a portion of my education and it's not feasible for me to my dietary restrictions." we inquired about whether the Upon meeting with the CDS lack of flexibility and diversity administrators, they were in the plan could be detrimen- pointed toward their special tal to students. Mr. Reyes ex- meals program and they said plained that "the FLEX plan that it appeared that opting out was added to give people flexi-bility" and it has been priced at Another said that 90% of the "Anytime plan" sibility for Maria the Execu- Students tive Director of Student Aux- (CASS) staff, who promised iliary Services (SAS), said, "if there are students with certain of the dining er found DUL charged for lat-needs-whether it's dietary, re- meal plan, or what- ever it is-we are able to buy them and make them separate meals" exemptions, they clarified that on the rare oc- mandate. "[students] have really serious dietary restrictions, we work with the CASS office and questions, Reyes, the the deans" to process exemp tions; in her 19 years at Caltec she recalled only "a couple of times" the exemption has been provided. you guys." ables Caltech Under a contemporary un- to derstanding mandatory of plan consent, undermines students' agency and is sim- ply unethical. In a system in am which most students have little choice but to live in Caltech housing, mandatory plan robs the students of their ability to choose where they will eat, what they will eat, and how exorbitant DuCC its to many. The ward Our may actual- institutions -that is unless to Caltech. not unique AB 1961 significantly $2,028 meal plan dinners affordable A base house pen kitchese incredible and make hibiting Nevertheless, lar lasers, secms them advantage The we've avoiding the gether. tinued plan alto- non-dor- collaboration well for Hopeful- ture. Two Years, Two Bikes Adele Basturk | Campus In my almost two years as an undergraduate at this school, 1 have had two bikes stolen from Alexander Koutsoukos (GPS Venerable) had his un- outside of me on campus. After a lockless overnight stay outside of the Red Door third term frosh year, my beloved green Schwinn that transported me to and from school for over 4 years, had disappeared from my life. Ok, lesson learned. I was im- Sascha Goldsmith Blacker) had her mediately on the market for a (ME elec- new bike. Two weeks later I had acquired a retro blue Schwinn hybrid. During my 2022 Co- office session According to penhagen summer, my affini- ty for cycling only grew. Upon my return to the states for my (CS 24', Blacker) also Ethan Lin (Ch 26', Dabney) s'more fall term, I was fortunate to have inherited a Specialized Crossroads retro road bike from a departing neighbor back home. Now this bike I loved more than any bike I had had before. As a good student, I purchased a hefty U-lock and registered the bike with Caltech security. During the 8 months I rode this bike to and from Einstein's every morning, around campus, and across the greater Pasadena area, this love only grew. After I got rear-ended two days before the new year, leaving me without my car for 3 months, it was this bike that I rode to and from San Gabriel Valley airport to maintain my piloting skills. Never was this bike left without a lock, and never was it left outside of the Llovd courtvard for an overnight stay. With this, I felt reasonably secure in the idea that I was going to keep this bike for a long time. Which is why I was undoubtedly cast into a foul mood when four weeks ago today, I walked out into the Lloyd courtyard to find that my bike, had again, vanished. Two years, two bikes, and one sad Lloydie. It is not unknown to bike owners on campus that theft bike runs rampant. Blachette (EE '23, Venerable) reports that his bike was stolen minutes locked and unattend-ed. found was his lock, which had been cut. "The bike was around 500-600 Tech. dollars," he told the "I had it for around 8 tain biking so it was my most precious possession in terms of personal significance. In all cases, the bike or scooter was registered with Caltech Security. Despite this seeming safeguard and hope for reunion that registering one's bike with Caltech Security offers, it remains unclear what action can be taken by security when a theft has occurred. "I contacted campus security immediately and they consoled me, but they said there are no security cameras in that loca-tion," Lin lamented. "I filed a report with the Pasadena Police Department too, but I didn't really expect anything, and nothing came of it." Goldsmith described a similar experience. The most frightening recurring theme of stolen bike vignettes is that of bike thieves entering undergraduate dorm courtyards. Blanchette claims to have witnessed an adult male waiting to follow individuals into the Venerable courtyard. The door closes slowly enough that a student who unlocked it could be already inside the building, before it fully shuts, making it possible for a piggy- Interview with a Bike Thief Joe Kim Satire backer to sneak in unnoticed. Joe: Thank you for joining us Joe: It sounds like Caltech According to Blanchette, he en- today, Doris. Can you tell us a could use some better security countered the suspect at night a bit about yourself? month and a half ago inside the Venerable courtyard, where the individual wan browsing the available bikes. Doris: Of course. I'm an 87-year-old grandma from a couple of blocks north of here. It is clear that bike and scooter theft on the Caltech campus is an issue that affects undergraduate to faculty bike own-ers. Given that an overwhelming majority of undergraduate students live on campus, the issue of bike theft from within student dormitories raises the concern of the ease with which an individual from the general public can enter the premises. Joe: A Pasadena local! And you recently made headlines for stealing a bike from Caltech's Lloyd courtyard. Can you walk us through that? Doris: Well Joe, it wasn't much of a challenge, to be hon-est. The gate was slower than a turtle in molasses, and the fence was lower than my grandson's 1Q. And don't even get me started on that lock. My shaky hands could pick it in a second! A thief cut clean through the bike lock that once secured Lin's bike. Doris: Oh, wouldn't say that. The administrators doing a fine job. After all, they have the code of honor. It's up to the students to be responsible for their property. Joe: So you don't feel bad about taking someone else's property? Doris: Well, I suppose it's not right to take things that don't belong to you. But for gosh sakes, those students probably don't even need those bikes. The campus is so small, they could practically hop from one end to the other Joe: What advice would you give to the students to keer heir bikes safe Doris: Get a better lock, for starters. And maybe keep the bikes in a more secure location. But let's be real, Joe. I could have stolen those bikes blind-folded. It's up to the students to be smart about their property. Joe: And what are your plans for the bike now? Doris: Well, I'll be giving it to my grandson. He's been having a rough time walking the tw miles to school. But don't wor ry, I'll make sure he knows how to keep it locked up tight! Joe: Thank you so much to sharing your thoughts with us Doris. Do you have any fina words for our readers? Doris: Of course, dearie. just want to say that despite my little adventure at Caltech, I have the utmost respect for the students there. They are some of the brightest young minds in the world, and I have no doubt they will continue to achieve great things. My grandson is in middle school right now, but I hope he can be a part of that community one day. The California Tech The Admin Corner Dear Undergraduates, Lesley Nye history. The faculty reassessed Dear Undergraduates, management of their labs and As we barrel towards the learned how to engage in hy- end of another academic year brid and virtual instruction; and prepare to say "au revoir" staff were required to respond to our soon-to-be-graduates, 1 creatively and immediately to hope we can all take a moment extraordinary demands; and to appreciate the time that we the students had to...well, give have been able to spend togeth- up their hopes and dreams of er and reflect upon what we ypical college experience -no meanwhle we al worre have overcome in the past few years, both as individuals and about the well-being and safety as a community of our loved ones and one an- The last three years were un-other. precedented in US higher edu- We were also separated from cation, and in the history of the this community we call home. world. We were forced to alter Despite the hours and hours of Zoom meetings and calls, the ways we work, study, teach, interact, Caltech, play, and socialize. Team conversations, Discord like our institution- threads, ridiculously imagina- al counterparts, had to move tive efforts to bring people to- rapidly and flexibly within a gether (without actually bring- constantly shifting landscape- ing them together), and other something that is especially attempts to normalize inter- challenging lo an institution actions and pursue the educa- so grounded in tradition and tional and research missions of the Institute, it was a singularly isolating and painful year and a half. Returning to campus alleviated some of this, but the ongoing pandemic continued to make things difficult to regain ny sense of normalc jut you all know this all to well. I just want to take this opportunity to thank you. To thank you for your resilience, your strength, your flexibility, and your perseverance. For your intellectual brilliance, your generous hearts, and your desire to make this world a better place. For your contributions to the continued success of your peers, your mentors, and your faculty. And for allowing us all to take this wild ride with you. Here's hoping no generation will ever again have to manage such a complex and Covid-y undergraduate experience. And to the graduates out there, best wishes and have fun! Update on Bernoulli the Beaver! Lilia Arrizabalaga | Culture Caltech's mascot finally has a democratically elected name: Bernoull, or Bern for short. This name was unveiled in a short May 21st. on Sunday, Betsy Mitchell, Head of Ath-letics, gave a short speech on the importance of school spirit before bringing our mascot out. With a very dramatic flair, she ripped the tape obscuring the name off its jersey, revealing questioned the need for the beaver statue. Other attendees, however, saw the opportunity to worship the statue and took it. They prostrated themselves on the ground before the statue to a rousing chorus of "YES YES YES" by Betsy Mitchell. To gauge the distribution of sentiment, the Tech ran a 24-hour approval poll for Ber- noulli on @thecaliforniatech's "Bernoulli" This name was chosen by a poll sent out to undergrads, grads, and faculty. ballots Over 700 total were cast, and Bernouilli won the majority of votes in every voting group. After the name was revealed, in midwestern Ohio fashion, Mitchell and the captains of the various sports teams each presented the bronze statue with gifts. These included sticks and assorted sports memorabilia such as track batons and vol-leyballs. After the ceremony there was a summer kick off barbecue. Many students attended and discussed the beaver statue and its new name. The general sentiment among the undergrads seemed to be pro-Bernoulli but there were some students that Instagram story as well as on Fizz. A total of 574 votes were received, although they cannot be guaranteed to be unique or genuine. The results are pic- tured; make of them what you will. Overall, the event seemed to be a success, and the new name has certainly sparked discus- sions about school spirit. We will just have to wait and see if this continues. AMAZON SKYMALL KENNY THAI | COLUMNIST Welcome back to Amazon Skymall! In this column, we hold a raffle where we [not] randomly select one of our lucky readers and give them the item of their choice from my hand picked selections! Enter this week's raffle by using the QR code (right) or the link below: https://forms.gle/JwZrRQntjTTmnCRv9 Wednesday, May 31, 2023 3 Dr. Lesley Nye, Interim Dean of Undergraduate Students Poll results I love him he's so cute (14 votes) Melt him down (43 votes) 20% 61% 19% Don't care (*/)_/ (13 votes) & "Beta the Beaver" 1d POLL Do you approve of Bernoulli the Beaver Absolutely yes 45 th O Hell no 70 Fizzes 14% 72 Fizzes 14% 107 Fizzes 21% 40 Fizzes 8% 134 Fizzes 27° 81 Fizzes 16% 504 Total Fizze Among Us Bed Set $69.99 Fake Money $16.99 Minions Chess Set $39.00 Balloon Dog Sculpture $29.99 NO NO Free 4 Wednesday, May 31, 2023 The California Tech Art & Photography Spotlight "Travel Sketch" by Emma Isella "New Beginnings" by Sarah Bass "Flowey" by Audrey Wong "Wilder" by Alicia Zhang "Travel Sketch" by Emma Isella "Essence of Blue" by Abraham Belayneh "Night Shift by Abraham Belayneh "Worked to the:Bone" by Domani Sharkey "Fallen Angel" by Domani Sharkey The California Tech Spring Interhou/vse Spotlight Alicia Zhang | Culture the food spread. Stars of the with the second crowd-favorite. Lloyd Interhouse show included Adele Basturk's Minecraft-inspired Crystals Let's-a go! Lloydiokart took (Lloyd '25, Physics) homemade and Caverns party theme. Dec- four-tiered, four-flavor cake, as off full-throttle for their first orations featured Ponce's fa- full interhouse since COVID on well as fried mushrooms, much vorite: a dropped ceiling (a pop- April 8 from 10pm-2am. Calling to the dismay of the ular South House technique) to upon their talented Lloydies, ous Toads that showed up that resemble an enclosed cave and students danced through four night. nurerous pray-painte sta- different DJ shifts. We heard Great job Lloyd House! BDR actites and blinking blue LED from one of the DJs themselves, along the black tarp. Uv-paint- After many theme iterations ed fossils crawled Sagan Russ '25, BioE), (Lloyd/Avery "The Lloyd DJs all put a and a false start during first black the paper-covered walls in lot of effort into curating a va- term, the very first BDR (Black- the dining hall with strobing riety of songs to get the crowd Dabney, Ricketts) party fi- lights emanating from the DJ hyped. Our set even included nally happened after five years booth that hid a bubble ma- of hiatus! chine under a waterfall. some Mario-themed remixes to incorporate the theme into On April 29 at 10 pm, people Dabney took care of the food the music, she had mixed to- poured in from all corners of and wiped the plate with cre- gether Mario Kart sound effects the campus to explore the caves ativity as they served crystal with songs like "Gas Pedal" and and crystals set in Ricketts din- gem-colored "Bitch Better Have My Money" ing hall and lounge. me- ringue, an "Also, shoutout to all of the Huge congrats to the party Ponce stated how nice it was Lloyd frosh who put countless organizers, , Lily Coffin (Ricketts to get to know the other Hous- hours into building this par- *24, MechE) and Cristian Ponce social teams and put on ty. They spent many sleepless (Blacker '25, BioE) for gather- something for the whole school nights working, it and it ing decorators and shows, inarty soire especially atter set- Perhaps this is a sign we should as they did a phenome- have more co-house events? nal job!" tling on a date that got canceled Highlight of the party was The L-shaped platform fea- due to conflict with ASCIT's Ricketts' very own professional Winter Formal, which then also DJ, Ramzi Saber (Ricketts '25 tured gorgeous art straight from the video salle sur- got canceled by administrators. Astrophysics), taking the crowd through numerous EDM songs rounding the famous Unfortunately (or fortunate- well-known state a to ly), Fleming House was not and crowd-favorites like "Mr. Interhouses. In a never before the theme. Although the three Brightside". seen collaboration, Lloyd band- houses had settled on Fleming Cheers to a continued tradi- ed together with CDS to set up (the theme), it was struck down tion! by the events committee made their DJ booth, using the giant boombox that was set up at the up of a group of administrators previous CDS Midnight Mad- headed by Erica Crawford and ness to light up the night Felicia Hunt. It was undeter- Is always, the amount of ef mined whether or not Fleming fort students put into this one House itself was okay with the night event shines through in theme, but BDR decided to go Blacker Interhouse Driven by our hard-work- ing frosh, moles could be seen running around with drills and frosted cookies up until the very last minute on Saturday, May Wednesday, May 31, 2023 5 13. Bringing back the theme of Mad Max: Fury Road, moles decided on what was supposed to be Blacker's COVID Inter- house, canceled due to COVID. There were a few bumps along the way in constructing plattorm but Blacker through and pulled partied through the night with only four noise complaints the (all coming from same house). The plat- form welcomed students with a grand staircase up to a surveying platform that surround ed the lower dance floor. Lec by work frosh Steven Lei and Alexis Herfurth, an extremely dedicated but overworked team of moles constructed the enor- MOUs platform overlooked by the DJ booth Featuring a very impressive, grand spread food assembled by lead Food Frosh Mars, stu dents feasted waffles, on car-shaped pudding, Mother's Milk cookies, and artfully frosted cupcakes. Art Frosh Anya Mischel directed her largest project to date, an impressive 16 by 24 foot canvas mural of numer- ous modified war rig cars driving through a desert, spanning the entire back wall of Blacker Lounge as is tradition (tem-porarily covering the famous Stephen Hawking-acclaimed explosion mural). With music ranging from Pit-bull to My Chemical Romance, Blacker Interhouse ended the night with its traditional "Clos-ing Time" with everyone linked together in a circle on the dance floor. Vapegate: Fleming Inter-house Caltech geared up for its very last Interhouse held in Fleming under paper lanterns and soaring lights in a bioluminescent fish party (BFP) on May 20. The party started off slowly but quickly picked up the pace. Soon, mosh pits were springing up on the packed dance floor. round blacklights lit up the dance which was surrounded by speakers, allowing students to be surrounded by the music. A backdrop of beautiful murals of sharks and sea stars provided ocean ambience behind the surrounding platforms. General consensus of the music? "They had EDM rap Spanish music, and your basic b***h party music". A few hours in, mysterious clouds of smoke arose from the crowd with increasing fre-quency, which only became a problem when the music kept getting shut down in order to announce that if there was any more vaping Fleming house woul Inter- get shut down. After a couple starts and stops. one last puff was all it took to blow the house down. The par-y finally ended up getting shu down 10 minutes before 2 am Blacker Interhovse: Mad. Max-mural Lloydiokart BDR: C stals and Caverns Magic Eye Find the hidden image! 6 Wednesday, May 31, 2023 Query the Quails! stress melting away, replaced by a tropical oasis of calm. Take a sip, feel the smoothie work its magic, and bid farewell to stress like a distant memo done wait, we're yet! It's time for the grand fi-nale-the "Confidence Boost- ." Mix some blueberry juice, a twist of lime, and a sprinkle of sparkling water. This fizzy concoction will uplift your spir- A novel advice column about alive, ahaha, and everything in between! Brought to you by the one and only California Tech. Dear Quail, am very stressed. How academically would you rec- ommend that I can overcome this? Thanks, Seymour Butts Hi Seymour Butts, Oh, academic stress? Don't you worry, my friend, I've got just the solution for you! It's time to unleash the power of the "Juice of Success" and turn those academic woes into tri-umphs! First things first, let's concoct the "Concentration Elixir.' Take a splash of fresh orange juice, a dash of cranberry juice, and a pulp. its and empower you to tackle any academic challenge with newfound confidence. Take a sip, hold your head high, and let your worries fizzle away like bubbles in the air! Remember, my dear friend, the power of juice is not just in its delicious taste but also in the positive energy it brings. So, when academic stress tries to rain on your parade, grab a glass of "Juice of Success,' and let its silly yet delightful powers guide you towards triumph! Cheers to good grades, laugh- ter, and a juicier, stress-free academic journey! Best wishes, Quail Dear Quail, I am in quite a predicament. I just pooped my pants in class, how do I get out of this predic-ament? Signed, Anita Bath er diversion! The juice to the rescue! Swiftly spill some fruity punch or grape nectar on your desk, creating an in- spill, you can discreetly attend to your predicament. stroom. Move gracefully, avoiding any unnecessary attention. The Juice of Serenity shall be your guiding star, leading you through this delicate journey assess the damage and cleanse yourself as best you Utilize water, soap, store your freshness and erase any traces of the incident. Take your time, dear friend, and focus on revitalizing your dignity with a sprinkle of cleanliness extra layer of cam- ouflage. This stylish maneuver signs but also exudes an air of nonchalant sophistication. You shall become the trendsetter of the classroom, inspiring others ir will keep you focused and attentive, making those study sessions a breeze. Sip it slowly and let the fruity goodness ignite your brainpower! Now, let's whip the "Stress-Relief Smoothie. Blend together a ripe banana, a handful of strawberries, a dollop of yogurt, and a generous splash of mango juice. dients As the ingre- blend, visualize your Dear Anita Bath, Oh my, that's quite a pickle you've landed yourself in! But fret not, my friend, for I shall summon the mystical powers of the "Juice of Serenity" to guide you through this sticky situation! Step one: Inhale deeply and maintain your composure. We mustn't let panic take the reins. Instead, let Us embrace the whimsical side of life and face even the best of us, but it is our response that truly defines us. Embrace the power of the Juice of Serenity, maintain a positive outlook, and let laughter be your shield. Life is an unpredictable journey, and your ability to face its challenges with grace and humor shall earn you admiration. Wishing you a fresh start and a future adorned with pants free from blemishes! Stay juicy, THC Meeting Minutes - May 14, 2023 Present: Sophie Elam, Emma the year? always always be dropped in Isella, Tomas Wexler, Andrew SE: Yeah, not until next dining halls. And then optional Pasco, Leo Williams, Parul Singh, Rik Bose, Emily Choe academic year. Cool, thanks testing is Tuesdays, Wednes- for logisticsing that with me. days, Thursdays until 11 am. Floor: non-IHC members present Another question, this came up And also testing is private like you find out your result on the meeting on Friday. IHC but Caltech doesn't. You have merch has been a thing in the past. to report that to Caltech, so I Call to order: 8:05 pm guess if you didn't want them EC: We got it last year for rotation. to know you could not report a positive test. And the last thing SE: Does anyone know meet-ings/weekends they won't be here for? TW: The first weekend of June AnP: Same RB: Tentatively us too RB: Yeah every president had is to tell people in your houses an IHC shirt in their house to get boosters. But that's it color. for COVID, I'm meeting with Deans on Tuesday to talk SE: And someone said some- about FCC and orientation, thing about anything but a anything else I could ask? t-shirt? TW: I talked to Mahlet today EI: That was me and she said she was going to SE: So how do people feel put a box of COVID tests in the [redacted] about crewnecks? ounges. I assume Steven will do the same for North Houses - agreement and Emily for Avery. SE: Couple updates, so we will meet with Vanessa this Friday, and this is an important meeting because it's dates for like meeting over the summer TW: Like interhouse dates? SE: No like Zoom meeting dates over July. The June 2nd meeting is now June 1st and will be with Vanessa and Hima. June 9th will be inter-house dates. This Friday is meeting dates. They'll all be noon and lunch provided. Do we want to have IHC meeting on June 4th? The day everyone is coming back from beach trips. If the answer is no that's totally fine. RB: I don't know personally when I'll be back, if I go PS: We could do it Monday or something? SE: Ok, gotcha. RB: We're not having another VPSA meeting until the end of SE: So like the IC logo on EC: Do they know what's hap- the front, and then the house pening for the summer? color? SE: They didn't say anything -> agreement about testing, I think they want SE: I'll send out a Google form people to use surveillance test- for sizes and everything. The ing. I'm meeting with the advo- other thing I wanted to ask cate coordinators and they re about was I have some COVID sending me their rosters so 1 updates. I met with Joe B can figure out who's staying on Mark, and Maria. They will campus over the summer so I send us hand sanitizer and can make a roster. wipes that they've been using and think are effective, and ORE will fund it. So the health [redacted] center is giving us prices and we send it to ORE. The signs they will check with the Office of General Counsel, since they don't want it to be a HIPAA violation. They also don't want to scare the custodial staff. Apparently, dining is still doing cold kits, so when they drop off the food, they get cold kits. But we're working on getting cold kits to Health Ads, so people can get stuff on the weekends. Food should always SE: Did Blacker get shut down for noise? TW: No SE: I was like a mile and a half from campus and I could hear it at like 10:30pm, but when I got back I couldn't even hear it from Fleming AnP: I'm worried for next weekend. I'm thinking we get a ton of foam and soundproof The California Tech my friend! Yours sincerely, Quail Dear Quail, I have been very naughty this year. How do I get off of the naughty list? Signed Ivana Tinkle Dear Ivana Tinkle, Ho ho ho! So it seems you ve had your fair share of mischievous moments this year, eh? Fret not, my cunning comrade, for I possess the perfect elixir to sweeten Santa's heart and his gift-giving spirit Behold, the enchanted "Juice of Redemption"! lessons learned, and a steadfast commitment to finding a place on the nice list next year. Santa holds a special fondness for sincerity and admires those who take the time to introspect and communicate their feelings Step five: Finally, adorn the potion with a touch of patient pomegranate juice! Santa, the bearer of gifts, has an extensive itinerary to fulfill. Exercise patience and trust that he will acknowledge your efforts in due time. Just as the fruit ripens to perfection, good things come to those who wait. Armed "Juice with of the mighty Redemption, you possess the power to overturn your mischievous deeds and se- ries! Take a moment to reflect upon your mischievous deeds and genuinely feel remorse for delight in witnessing personal growth and has a sincere desire cure a spot on Santa's nice list. However, always remember that the essence of the holiday season lies in love, kindness, and spreading joy to others. So, be good, be kind, and embody the spirit of giving. . Who knows? Perhaps Santa will reward you with a present that will make you leap with jubila-tion, just like the effervescence willingness to lend a helping Engage in random acts of be-nevolence, bringing joy to others and brightening their days. Santa cherishes those who go above and beyond to spread of a sparkling glass of juice! May your mischief be merry and your redemption joyous! Warm regards, Quail To submit questions for next week's "Question the Quail", fill out the google form: tiful measure grape juice! Embrace the true https://bit.ly/41rEQ1N spirit of giving by dedicating your time, talents, or resourc- er through volunteer work or shall be overjoyed by your gen- ir with sincere sincerity juce. Pen a heartfelt letter to Santa, expressing genuine remorse, the stage. Drop a big net on top. LW: To catch the sound? SE: I found a phone number to call the Ath and ask how they manage noise complaints [redacted] PS: Pasco what's your theme? AnP: Big Fish Party, so you can dress as anything [redacted] Meeting adjourned: 8:56 pm Respectfully submitted, Emma Isella IHC Secretary WRITERS & COLUMNISTS WANTED! CAMPUS | OPINION | HUMOR | ART | PHOTOGRAPHY COMICS | CULTURE SPORTS POLITICs POSITIONS ARE OPEN FOR ALL SECTIONS If we print your material, we will pay you up to the amounts listed below (at our discretion). Email submissions to tech@caltech.edu or join our Discord server using the following link Wages Columnists: $20 Reporters: per 500 words, Millan o1, alrnolos. oh Comics. 7 discord.gg/Zaah8749s2 oh god how did i get here i am not good at computer are you good at computer? join the tech! The California Tech Ditch Day from page 1 Some were absorbed in their tasks. Some were chilling and floating on log-shaped floaties. Most were laughing, cackling with their friends. And just like that, the adventures go on. But eventually the story must conclude. The heroes met their nemess; the space voyagers solved the murder mystery; the adventurers arrived at the summit. I ended my hero journey drenched in water, slightly Shivering in the afternoon chill and heart ncar simultaneously light and heavy: I had fun; The adventure is over; I'm glad to spend a good day out with my friend; The seniors are leaving soon; I love this place; I will miss this moment so much, ten, twenty, thirty years from now. And then the cannon tres. CS。 Seniors turn ghosts. Juniors fill in their shoes. Smores grow into juniors. The end of ditch day comes with its own lamenting and reflection. Some part of you seems fundamentally changed, perhaps for the better. You are older now, wiser now. Despite the exhaustion from the days activity, late night after ditch day the houses are still filled with a buzzing excitement. In that way, Ditch Day is a time-marker. It is a more apparent signal than anything else that the year has come to a close. All the fakes built up to this. All the spoilers anc vhispers and predictions buil to this. It is the high point of the story. I same out of it a vear older and vet still feels s untethered, still so small under the shadow of the seniors. It's almost like I was a baby bird under the upperclassmen's wings, and one by one they flev way lo uew duvcucuits. hyeo has passed and I stand taller, weather stronger winds that come with being a year older and betore I know it - there are now baby birds under my wings. But Ditch Day is about reunion and about the people too. I didn't realize how much I missed having the (old) ghosts around until I saw them split seconds before Thursday din-er. The quiet moments earli er in the day cements the tact I spent time laughing, having fun, adventuring around with these people. The seniors will leave, and I will miss them. Yet nonetheless we are reassured that ghosts linger. They are invited to Dress Dinners, to alumni events. In the Dabney group chats, they are always around Ditch Day 1S just the most prominent of these reunions: an ocean that all rivers eventually come back to; a shared unique history and experience of being a Caltech student, built from years of camaraderie and culminating in this final task of stacking. Indeed, the seniors put in monumental efforts to Dabney this seniors Kelsie Taylor and Moss Gardner put up a stack themed after Celeste (2018 video game). Activities were planned out with locations simulating the game's key locations, with each hour of the day dedicated to a chapter of the game. Scribbled on their whiteboard: Mirror Temple ("Fear" in a box - infinite storeroom) activities with mirrors and lasers. While Kelsie took care of the theme and plot Moss ironed out the details: "I experimented at the TechHub with 3D printing strawberries for the frosh to find throughout the day. After a couple weeks of testing, I went into mass pro-duction." The My Hero Academia stack It's hard to believe that it's over, isn't it? Funny how we get attached to the struggle Promise me that you'll take care of yourself, okay? Wednesday, May 31, 2023 7 has been a budding plan for maze and then through a mir- years: "Norman [Chung] had been thinking about doing ror. Some decorations broke right before the activity. Justin MHA stack since frosh year. I and Norman also had their own joined him either near the end hiccups: "There was a puzzle of junior year or this veal we had involving circuits, but Justin Toyota shared, "I once it was only finalized the night heard someone say that Ditch before, so we didn't playtest it Day really comes together in (we forgot one connection). the last couple of weeks and But as always, it all worked ou that was definitely true for us. in the end! We figured out the outline of For the seniors, Ditch Day the stack early in the year. But marked the closing of a jour- I only really started writing the ney. "In some ways, my work puzzles in May, and I was work on Ditch Day felt like my final ing on them until the night be-fore. gift to the frosh." Kelsie shared My way of saying goodbye to a In Venerable, An Tran and place that has seen some of my his friends prepared a Star lowest lows but had some good War-themed stack. "[The fro- as well that 1 often lost track shes] have to hack a terminal. of." Justin feels a sense of calm They essentially had to solve a with this finale, "For some rea- series of puzzles of which I de-son, I felt stressed all week, but signed." Indeed, they were the not today. Today I was filled lightsaber-making groups I saw with the calm of inevitability. in Spalding. "I designed lateral This insurmountable moun- puzzles that required a change tain cannot be crossed without in perspective or novel way of the ghosts' tremendous help. thinking to solve. The final plan of the puzzle ended up being 10 Amrita Rhoads (CO 2020) baked fresh strawberry pies for independent puzzles that wher the frosh, and acted as other solved, its solution is fed into Celeste characters along with the main puzzle which is the Jackie, Cayla, and Izzy. hacking of the terminal. People Kev- in Marx (CO 2022) played the seemed to enjoy it, so I'm hap- villain and also designed the py." circuit boards. Some works There were hiccups along the are more visible than others way, visible only to the critical Noah Ortiz (CO 2022) headed eyes of the seniors, that the the laborious strawberry glu- froshes are oblivious to. "By ing, helped cleaning up and the afternoon, everything felt like a disaster. But towards carried decors across campus "We are very much indebted the end of the day, it felt like to Noah as well as the other things weren't going the way, we expected but that it was ok. alums and seniors who helped so much week-of and before, Moss shared. For their sixth ac- Moss shared. tivity, froshes went through a "It's such a strange feeling yarn-and-command-hook laser to be done with Ditch Day Something I've been stressing about for a year is finally over. The last major obstacle before graduation. tin It's freeing." Jus- pondered, hours after the cannon fires, "The entire thing seemed insurmountable. But now I'm on the other side." What next after this? "There are so many things I told myself I could do once this was behind me. "I'll defi- nitely get to sleep. strenuous, and the first step for Moss is to take a break: "After everything, I felt accomplished but entirely exhausted. When everyone was socializing with pie and dinner, I fell asleep on the floor. By the time I am writing this, the rest of campus has re-entered the normal grind, problem sets and deadlines quickly in chase. We have exited the Ditch Day Utopia back into the real world. The ending has sinked in. The fun is now stowed neatly under the frosh's beds as they labor away on their desk. We came out of Ditch Day a year older (except for the fro- - y'all have to wait for the next cannon, sorry-not-sorry) another chapter sealed in. It's worth sitting down again to savor this aftertaste of Ditch Day: to appreciate the seniors hard work, the troshes great fun, the ghosts' long-awaited return, the memories happi-ly-formed. Another year has passed, the summer will soon break through the clouds, and meanwhile. Go to bed frosh, Ditch Day is Tomorrow! & Wednesday, May 31, 2023 Caltech Alpine Club Visits Red Rock Canyon Michael Gutierrez | Student Life Just 30 minutes out from Las Vegas, under a brilliant blue sky, a ragtag group of Caltech-ers crawled out of their tents, took a deep breath of fresh, natural air, and realized they felt more alive than ever. It really is amazing how much your mood lifts when you leave campus for a day! This was Red Rock Canyon, Nevada, the site of the Caltech Alpine Club's latest organized outing. For everyone in atten-dance, it was a much-needed change of pace. The previous night, we had all left our re-spective, disparate parts of academia — a quiet library a geol- ogy laboratory, or a desk at JPL slightly-more-than-slightly frayed out from a long week on The Grind™, but energized enough that the 5-hour drive through Friday night rush- hour traffic on the 210 felt like Alpine Club trips are open to the entire extended Caltech The main attraction at Red Rock Canyon is the rock climbing Top rope, lead climbing, bouldering all hit waV different when you're on real rocks with routes, no pre-marked with the sun shining down on you and birds trying sometimes dive-bomb you because you're near their nest?? The hike to get to the climbs is amazing and scenic, too. Plus, all the rock faces with good climbs have such... inter- world world; what- back to the campsite Those meals, ively and diverse bunch stud we had a mostly roa students and post-docs several departments; JPL plan- ber or two; and, of course, the undergrads (one from Harvey tional, some have lived in California their whole lives; some were newbies to outdoor rock climbing, some had been doing it for 5+ years; some had an entire bike route pre-planned and some came only with their gear in my case, just the gear! And even that was rented for the weekend from the Caltech Y.) and ended up at the Hamlet instead, but it was still a great spot). There were a lot of great bouldering routes, too; just outside the park borders there's an expansive field of huge, well, boulders. Some of them have petroglyph drawings from the land's original Those boulders inhabitants! are just for looking at. There's something about the feeling of finally pulling yourself on top of a massive rock and being like, "Yeah, I climbed that" which just can't be replicated in a climbing gym. Just Nick Abel Trip Consortium, mier Yosemite, destinations: Lake Tahoe, The California Tech have a car, or that you just moved here and haven't made the connections, or learned about the confusing tion system. You should have as much a chance to experience all these awesome places as someone who has been in Pasadena, or California, or the US, their whole life. I want people to remember these trips as a highlight of their time at Caltech. If you'd like to get involvec with the Alpine Club or learn more about upcoming events, you can join the mailing list by emailing alpineclub@caltech. edu. Also make sure to join the Alpine Club Slack code below) (scan for discussions about trip plans and spontaneous outings! Photo credit: Michael Guti-errez, Joaquin Gomez The California Tech EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Michael Gutierrez SECTION EDITORS Alicia Zhang Maxwell Montemayor Joseph Kim Lilia Arrizabalga LAYOUT Alanna Yelland CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chi Cap Lulu Kwan Kenny Thai Adèle Bastürk ArTISTs Alicia Zhang Domani Sharkey Emma Isella Audrey Wong PHOTOGRAPHERs Sarah Bass Abraham Belayneh Alicia Zhang PUZZLE MASTER Michael Gutierrez BUSINESs MANAGER Jonathan Booker ADVISOR Richard Kipling The California Tech aims publish biweekly except during VacallUl alle cxalll ination perioas dy the • AssOCI ated Students of the Califor-Technology 11l0 The opinions expressel nerein ٢٣٦٢٦٦ those the authors and Letters and att welcoilie tecnacaltecn.eau. or sub mit them server Discord discord.gg/ cullor Teserve une ment To ealt ano abridge all submissions for any reason. All written work remains property of its author Ine advertising deadline 1S 14 PM on all advertising should be submitted electisin ICally Ol callera leauy arl but The Tech can also do sim. ple typesetting and arrange-All advertising inquiries should be directed to the busi ness manager at teen @ caltech edu. Outsider's Insider: Caltech from the Perspective of an Exchange Student Lulu Kwan| Student Life Studying abroad at Caltech has been an experience, to say the least. Before coming, I had heard that students do not leave campus at all during term time, and I was confident that that would not be me. It was. Well nearly. This was espe- cially true during my first term when I took arguably the most difficult class with the high- est workload I had ever seen. I think that shocked me into an 'I'm going to struggle with keeping up with the workload here for a whole year' mind-set; however, I am pleased to say that 1 have not had a class with a similar workload since. It's been really refreshing to be in classes where everyone is so passionate about their subject and to have the opportunity to speak with people at different stages of life, whether it is un-dergraduates, undergrads who have previously studied at other universities, graduate stu-dents, or professors. I had never talked to graduate students at my home university, University College London (UCL), let alone taken classes with them. Taking many classes where I was the only undergraduate definite- ly took some getting used to. This was a drastic change from my previous university educa-tion, with more than 250 other undergraduates in my year, where we would all take exactly the same modules (classes) in the same subject (chemistry). The flexibility of selecting and tailoring courses at Caltech is something I much prefer about college life here; I think there's something really nice in being able to choose your particular topics of interest and to special-ise quickly, rather than to take every class in your subject. It fosters a rather unique learning environment where evervone has slightly different pieces of knowledge which helps to create a very collaborative envi-ronment. The small class something I will cherish about my time here. It has been so fessors directly during lectures in the UK, and to be able to work on active research at the forefront of science. I have the Brian Stoltz's lab with a grad-(who have both been and are wonderful mentors!). The opportunity to carry out research during term time and to be able to extend this into the summer is something not offered at such an early stage at UCL It has given me invaluable insight into the joys and pitfalls helped me enormously with not me a while to get used to was always seeing people I know whenever I walk around cam-pus. I've quite enjoyed it, as at home, our universities are so big that there is a very small chance of ever seeing some- one you know on the street. Over one year, I had only ever unintentionally bumped into people three times. However, recognising people is unfortunately not my strong suit (sorry it you've been the recipient o that!), especially if it's someone I briefly met at an interhouse... Interhouse and the system are such house intriguing concepts. I can see similarities between the houses and Oxbridge colleges; except here I think it's easier to find people exciteme sit irrinterests-excitement around campus during the build-up to the interhouses is exhilarating, and upon going to the parties I am always blown away by the intricate designs that seem to have been put together in an unhuman amount of time. Before coming, I thought maybe I would experience frat and sorority parties seen in movies, hosted at a three storey house on a random weeknight. The Caltech party scene is just very different from • the American party scene portrayed in the media and in the UK One of the things I made sure to do from the start was to join the choir here. I think it's been one thing that keeps me going during an especially difficult week - it's like being in another world, where I can shut off my brain, create music, and make friends. I've really enjoyed my time here at Caltech - I've made some lovely friends over the past year. Everyone I've met so far has been so welcoming, inviting, and accommodating, and I can confidently say that I feel like I have fully integrated into Caltech life. • I will be sad when the year is over in a couple of weeks, but for now I can't wait to start my SURF over the summer!