California Tech: The Hot Rivet, v. 65:31, June 4, 1964

If you're powerful, we apologize; California Tech Associated Students of the California Institute of Technology If not, T. S. Volume LXV. Pasadena, California, Thursday, June 4, 1964 Number 31 Millikan Library to Tower 80 Stories no se sun ten me mane Architect's Plans Revised; Factor of Ten in Vertical SILO 8961 10 Books Housed in 20 Basements; Penthouse To Reach Above Smog * +o 2iGad do4tlag L96I 10 se potunloser souv "qo! HILA Notices GREEN ABOUT THE EARS Fertile imaginations will observe immediately that the color of this newspaper is suggestive of spring, youth, growing things, and money. With regard to the former: as a public service, the Editors announce that we entirely sanction the use of this issue for wrapping tulip bulbs, fish heads, and other delectables. Planting it in the ground and watering thoroughly will result in a large growth, mostly olfactory. On the other hand, money Is diways nice. SPERM WANTED Miss Raymona Owen in the Biology Department requests that anyone wishing to donate sperm to the cause of science should see her in 421 Kerckhoff between 9 p.m, and 5 a.m CMFWY SHRDL shrdl cmfwy shrd cmfw shrdl cfc cmfwy shrdl cmwfy shrdl cmfwy h cmiwy shral chtw shielu chirwy mi shrd! cmf ridhsyw mwshrdl cmfwy cmfw syrd cmfw shrdl cmfw shrd Shown above is an artist's conception of how the Millikan Memorial Library will look wren completed. The four clocks will be carefully adjusted so as to indicate four different times, none of them correct. The lower part of the buliding is a recent audition to the plans, designed to make the library con. tiquous with Throop. -эр sodestlesh asau MaIA UI LoUL ueau 748n047 Vendabanana (Continued from page 2) that he was perfectly willing to reinteroret The Plavbov Philosophy in light of all new scienti-nic advances. "Show me a theo-ry," he declared, "and I'll show vou how to derive it trom ine Playboy Philosophy." New Physics Bites Down Hard With Hand Waving Sophomore Persecutees & Mechanics The Bite brothers, Herman and Hevnman physics Milton, have onco again The taken top honors as debate courses for freshmen and sopho- team, this time at the Regional mores have been receiving com- dierpacinemountain District Xu ments for a couple of years now. Etaoin Shrolu Memorial Bitchin As noted editorially in last year's Debate Tournament, which was Tech, Ph 2c has borne the brunt held Furdsday last at Friendly of much of the criticism, since it presents a Feynmanesque in- State University. The Beaver team beat everyone by colossa troduction to quantum mechan- margins, the closest runners-up ics. Tis generally agreed that being the Persecutees from Hap- much of the course notes are on py Valley Home for the Bewil- the verge of being hopelessly screwed up. As a service, then, dered. to its sophomore readers. the In debating the resolution, "Mosquito larvae are more deco- Tech presents a summary of the ideas E?ETAO SHRDLU ETAO NU presented during third rative than useful" Tech came term up against Happy Valley in the State vectors, or columns of quantum • mecnanical amplitudes to be in various base states, wilet tay or may not have simple physical meaning— but more likely will be eigen-states for some operator or other (for example, the Hamiltonian; or the parity operator, which states them serves someumes with opposite sign) and others just garbles up) - Call oe tossed aroud a 1T they actually were real things: they can be added and subtracted and multiplied, either bra times (Continued on Page @) last round. Herm and Milt displayed their usual silvern forked tolicuts Jil or dronical circles around their opponents, who tried to distract the judges madly waving their arms in complex patterns. When warned that such he. havior might cause disqualifica-tion, they claimed their gestures were purely for forensic effect; but their gyrations conunlea during presentations by both teams. At anv rate. the tactics (Continued on Page 3... Or mavbe it was rage 4 I can't remember.) Freshmen Leave Very High Speed Before Arriving Elevators to Run "There probably will not be on Odd Tuesdays a class of 1968," wearily stated L. W. Jones, dean of admissions, a d valorna rech stati inter view last Wednesday. "Of the 206 freshmen who initially ac- Glass, Gold and Steel cepted. about 160 have since simply changed their minds." Monster Seen Stable The first indication of this trend occurred, Jones said, "on May I when freshmen prospecuve In Random High Wind announced that they would not be coming next year" Jones then went on to describe how the "negative responses' tapered off until now "only about Ule or two freshmen dron out Heads Available Every 20th Floor daily." The reasons for the change of minds, according to Jones, "are ridiculous: some are afraid of smog or earthquakes; some Sightseeing Telescopes To Grace Tile Roof lieve ulid college education shoula de coeducational and fear the sterility of the environment de vallech, some want to go to MIT instead; many others have acctored top respective honors SUCLLE universities, which are generally later in their Trustees' RoomtoHold Rare Old Librarians Did you really expect a story, too, after all that? admissions procedure." Caltech's problem, as Jones summarized the situation, is that the Admissions Committee has gone on vacation, so that there is no hope of making any new Saecnon this yedi. he added, "all "Besides," of prospective stu- Caltech caliber certainly been snatched have now. up by Also, the scholarship fund for these freshmen nas been nA. Peter Miller, Assistant Director of Undergraduate Schol arships, went on an indefinite leave of absence beginning May 2. "He claimed that he was going to Europe 'to recruit more fresh- men. but the tustees and somehow fear that his leave of absence may be permanent." In their meeting of Thursday, Yes, William P., I vill keep pouring dirt into your reagents until you tell me what you did mit my poor frosh. May 36, the Trustees discussed several the proposals for "The most passionate argument," Jones (Jump to Column 1) in boccaccio, It's frankness In Rabelais, it's life In a professor, it's funny But in The Hot Rivet, it's smutty Editorials HOT ILIBEL Editor's note: They say Helen of Troy was faster than Lindbergh. Howz that? She made Paris in two hours. It is hard to find someone or somebody to chop up every Forward re week. This week, for example, we searched high and low for a suitable target. After discarding the Kennedy ticket boon- doggle; throwing out an attack on Edwrd Drrell Stoned for designing a ridiculous monstrosity; and even overlooking the "We intend completely to the old 영 person who was suckered into paying for it (purple as though vise the food policy Houses next year with the new kitchen facilities, in addition to our regular overhaul of the protein remover and bread staler. We are particularly proud of our new potato lumper and apple machines." Thus betty brown stated Richard Hoffman, director of Saga, when asked about new changes in Saga. He courted and forgot One important innovation to be started next year is that we replacement of flipinos currently hired with eunuch pigmies." The change in help, assured Hoffman, will be "entirely gradual" (See description of apple brown betty ma-chine, following). Asked to comment about his recent marriage to Miss Elfreida Q. Personality, cashier at the bookstore, Hoffman noted "My marriage will not, in any way， affect the quality of our food. My wife will, however, but that's a different story." In addition, if the new kitchen facilities are as intended, next year will see such new recipes as rumpled stilt's skin (also attributed by Hoffman protes wife, a oiled and Arab: ian camel's hump. She went to court The protein remover presently in the old Houses will be replaced by a new model. The new bread staler will be sufficiently it may become), we had to turn to something more concrete. The question is: Should Officer Newton be allowed to endanger life and limb by hotrodding through campus on his fig-mobile? We say no. Anybody who disagrees can take Officer parou Newton and shove him. You can receive the consequences. So there. Hmmfff. Are you for us or against us? -Big Daddy Little Brother o7 si, "syanuna sunerd peppe ne same adde aur 7OU 108100 qnuead sup 704 30 u имола Final To Give Gas SAILE ES HIM aonpad STUt '11975 эле and AIUO HON 요 -Paid Adertisement Secret welcome to the agent 0069, our man in 3q 訁 Bridge, Mas ootained a copy of Campus the Ph 2c final which will be 含計 and 804 еледала given next week. We print it here for your Barber Shop entertainment. in Winnett Center (Remembering any of it will be E ?ETAO SH- FRENCH SPANISH GERMAN considered a violation of the all haircuts $1.75 RUSSIAN ITALIAN JAPANESE Honor System.) Three Barbers to Serve You 1 hour. Open book unless oth- DRLU ETAO THE BERLITZ SCHOOL OF LANGUAGES erwise noted. 8 to 5:30 Monday - Friday PASADENA, 170 SOUTH LAKE AVE., SYcamore 5-5888 1, (5 points) How many pounds Paul A. Harmon The YMnonCA's Religious per rod-millibar are there in one Chemphysics Commission PRIVATE INSTRUCTION SMALL CLASSES STARTING NOW brought a voodoo witch doctor Native Teachers Day or Evening Free Trial Lessons Fanny Discovers New Engines furlong? Hint: Dimensional anal- campus last Tuesday: the (Continued from page 3) ysis will probably not help. So Right Honorable Reverend Mon- took the first turn. His machine T.S. to all of you who were hop- signor Pastor Father Rabbi Swa- was placed on the floor while 1as lo get by on tidl done. Nove: she inspected the prodigious This problem is closed book.) mi Dr. Shazam Vendabanana size of the lever arm of the ec o pottils Generalize the (erloal law says that he who centric which ran to the quan- solution of the Schroedinger reads or pronounces the name or vendabanana will lose his tum mechanical son inverter. equaton 10r the myuroger atom seven born son to the god of to the plutonium (Note: Drugs Sundries Cosmetics Tobaccos CALIFORNIA REXALL PHARMACY 555 S. Lake SY 2-3156 Breakfast Lunch Dinner Our motto: "It's Hendrixspon's fault." After an hour of enjoyment, Fermi particles). He addressed a it was finally my turn. My spark Anyone who can solve this prob- capacity crowd thirteen came to me bearing his wonder- lem will receive a Nobel Prize.) Winnett Head The Caltech Schmock! ful engine. i received him most 3. (5 points) Make up a prob- Christian Fulloshucks Group was welcomely explaining that I had lem about quantum mechanics occupying Clubrooms 1, 2, 3, 1, never seen a piece of apparatus and solve it. (Note: If the prob-and 5 in protest against the Y's 11ke 01s. He explained that he lem is easy enough for you to program. The Y's ever-ready de- discovered it during a physics solve you will get zero points. monstrators were marching recure. Conversely, if you can not solve drouriu Machine Rule or o it completely you will get zero Winnett protest against the protest and just for Dear Doug, I'm Pregnant Jan I found that one of the best Dont. the hell of it. Dammit Stu Think of a Sub Head Ecod! A.T. Wireless, head of Radio Free Pasadena, announced that ullessnis tax-free organization can raise $1 million he cannot keep his station broadcasting. Caltech, being its main source (Continued on page 5) ways of getting picked up was There is Just One Thing by hitchhiking. While traveling 4 (5 points) Given that one Vendabanana, proud possessor from London to Liverpool on my plus one equals two, derive the of a Th.D. in Physics from the research, I was picked up by a theory of relativity. Lesser Institute of Technology charming young fellow who (Note: This problem is not as my easy as it looks, so beware.) Sredl astonishment and out East, began his talk with a demonstration of an ancient pleasure Was a mechanical C 5. (5 points) The problem we tribal sacrificial rite which in- intended to put here turned out gineer from Caltech. He Imme- volved swirling the chairman till diately had to show me his ma-to be impossible, but work it he said, "I believe." Unfortun- chine which he had resting in anyway. (Note: There is no note ately ne arownea nist. The ac- the back seat. The purpose of associated with this probiem.) companying chant was truly the this particular machine he 6. (-13 points) Complete in most inspiring part: dee ee ai, plained was to revise the non- 25 words or less: "I think quan- dee ee ai; ee ai ar, ee ai ar; wars, symmetrical strong interactions tum mechanics is fake be- wars; ee al ar, ee ai ar. of mutual attracting bodies. The cause ..." (Note: Don't answer That Men Thirst For: demonstration, dear mard il. this if you expect to pass.) Vendabanana then proceeded will not bore you with as the 7. (57 points) Prove that phys- to explain the basic tenants of was Ike mally others I ics bites. (Note: Simply saying his religion. "First and most im- have described. it 1s intuitively obvious 1s In Manchester portant, I am God. Our 'bible' stumbled enough. is The Playboy Philosophy." He onto Charles. We found by com- added that their "bible" used to bining our efforts and machine, self, with the help of magic con-be The Book of Norman, written we could control a vilar prucess tact lenses. Therefore, it must by Norman Schmock, first gen- which I am not at liberty to dis-be holy. The wen eral under William Con- close as yet. made a saint. pucior. but this was disproved I shall see you soon, and in Peanut Butter the Inscar time think candidly He then to be a heresy. The original copy proceeded to derive of The Playboy Philosophy was HOT RIVET Published only once a year by the idiots of the California Yetch staff to uphold the great literary traditions of Etaoin Shrdlu, Emily Post and Totem. Editors-in-Grief Carrie Nation, Hugh Hefner Managing Editor Benjamin Franklin News Staff The usual gang of escapees from Devil's Island Feature Staff Censored, Editor Dr. Jeckel, Theatre The rejects from Devil's Island Sports Staff Hairy Mousefeet, Editor Escapees from the athletic department Business Staff Jesus Christ, Overseer Circulation: Passenger Pidgeon Any similarity to any person, living or dead, without satiric purpose is entirely coincidental. California Tech, 1201 Bivd,, Pasadena, California 91109. of me and believe me ever, all of quantum mechanics from aiscovered in the snack or a new MADAM The Playboy Philosophy, adding ly-eaten missionary and was Yours etc., etc., etc. (Cotinued on page 1) translated by Vendabanana him- Write: Circulation Manager. CALIFORNIA TECH RIVE Sex Marked (Continued from page 4) Behold! • BRIGHT. AMUSING, SAUCY. last I knew I was a born me- FRANK COMEDY!" chanical engineer." Behold, I build un schmouse, et -Jesse Zunser, Cue Magazino SPORTS Then Lili took the floor to give her story. "My long lost father uajo ye musickal werken? nd upoon dei deitoonet "EXCELLENT!" wasa mechanical en- mocher isteder answer. gineer. However, my h ven das nob understanuing, shertered me from the knowledge of machines. Gym Recruits Then one day a boarder came to live at our house. He had with Footballers him a model of a machine that he was building at the local foundry. I stood aghast at the prodigious size of his model. He said, 'When my machine is fully gleep, Hal Mustardgas, director athletics, of Jich announced that, erected in the town su latt etaoi because of the tuition raise, money everyone will marvel at its great has been found to ini- useruness. Inen knew my tiate a full scale recruiting pro- life's work would be in mechan- shrdlu. hvaire ist gram for the football team start- ical engineering." ing next year. "We damn near Later that evening three male das ME grad students stopped by at Darefourwe, shetoop, yew foule, leist peeanoe stringks? Anskwer too Ei teil yu do t eet meenze noding atoll. das ist fer der berds. -Brendan Gill, The New Yorker DINO DE LAURENTIS production bed... STARRING tobed got the whole $225," he chortled Fur, I Lookass Foes, Alberto Sordin e At All Theatres one guy... three girls.. one ring!... BILY PaRaDISe? TOM COURTENAY AS Madam Bovary's to discuss their ЧаВ gaily as he explained the new ed set-up to the Tech. Illachines. was soon agreed suks love would the ends Tuesday 2670 E. Colorado Blvd. Men fall in that we each take "You see! Those mollycoddles Lili wuer that tour the country now look- Esquire Theatre SY 3-6149 or MU 4-1774 Free Parking Air Conditioned machines. and her spark * ing for super snakes are going STUDENT RATES (Continued on page 2) ** to be supplemented by members of the athletic department." Asked widt Part or the coufly he would travel to looking for recruits, Hal flashed a smile and Looking for a Better Job? said, ' "Me and the missus always wanted to see Hawail. and I hear tell that some good football players come from there." Lea K. EdOutrage explained the reason for the new program B&G Offers You: which came at nis insistence. "For as long as I can remem- ber," he burbled, wanted to be the president of a college with winning football Be- On The Numerous sides, this means I won't have to go to any more damn WCTU meeulnes on Friday and Satur- Job Training Employee Benefits Pleasant Working Conditions day night." Mrs. EdOutrage was heard to mumble "He's been at the bottle again, I just know it. Its the devil's potion." J. K. Bark, chairman of the renstalement-or-o committee, feels that the new policy will cicate any problems for them: "Not if the faculty follow the instructions we have handed out." The athletes will be recipi- CIUS of new scholarsnip runas, athletic department will handle the details." Dean of Students, Eatit, was delighted. "It'll be great! Great! We'll be able to melt California Street from end to end." Asked if the move would require any new personnel, Eatit said, "We are talking with Darrel Royal of the University of T'exas." Control the process Also said that the prin- cipal of a local high school was being considered to assist the Deans if The studen did get out of hand. Asked to comment, the principal exclaimed, "I'll fix those stupid punks, will, I will." our founder: our motto: Egad! One: So Marge is going to marry her Engineer? Two: Yeah, she had a weak moment and let him torque her into it. Number 5 luetaoincmfwypetaoincmf landurybroshrdt shr M585419 WI..: George H. Kemmi day morning. a.m. shraluetaoish W TO USE IT. Newly hired B & G employee gets on the job training at the B & G electrical cart driving school located in Oahu, Honolulu. Underground subway reaching from the air-con-ditioned B & G headquarters to the student game room. The subway, ideal for coffee breaks, cost over $6.9 million dollars and took B & G 17 years to build. B & G employees relaxing during their brief four-hour early lunch break on the reflecting pool, located behind B & G's luxurious offices. VERYTAS CALIFOR IA TECH Page Forty-One CALIFORNIA TECH Prodigious Machines F. Hill Reports On Mechanical Engineering In England BY F. HLL of the Apex Tool and Die, Ltd., (Editors' note:Since the reports Charles M- - showed me around of the Junior Travel Prize win-the plant. I was especially 1m- ners have received so much en- pressed by the number of com- thusiastic praise the Rivet plete cycles the plant can com- publishing the report of the win- JiEtE is one shift-ten. ner of the Mrs. L. A. Mbrass Control Management Travel Award for Cultural Pur- With such fond memories of suits in Europe. Last year's winner was Miss hanny Hill, ME, Charles' magnificent control of Miss Hill's project while his machine, I traveled to Madam Bovary's Boardinghouse. Here, touring Europe was "The Investi- to my utter amazement. I dis gaton or the trogress maue Dy Machines and Skilled Labor covered three other female me- 1n chanical engineers. We immedia Eurove." She addresses her re tely became engaged in a conver- port to Madam DiBrass.) sation relating our first experi- Madam: ences with the mecnanism and I sit down to give you an un-control of various machines. Joan C -, BS 1956, ME 1960, began the finished accounts: high "When scrook. nothing about machines or how they work. I had no idea of the great treat I could have in investigating machines. It hap- pened after graduation when a student from the South Hampton Insulute or lectuorogy me in a room and whipped out a machine he had hidden. I wondered at its intricate mechan- JoIlIo. marveled at the wOll drous product this machine could make (it made mouse traps out used very outton lint. At (Continued on page 3) deniable proof of my experiences on my travels. 1r 1 coula only convey the marvelous. inexhaus table machines I saw. Being mechanical CII LIICCL myself nave yeu to ve accustomea to the new and various ways one can enjoy one's satisfaction in finding new engines and gadgets to Jodle droute will For example, the first night I spent IIl London; the manager WHAT'S NEW IN THE JUNE ATLANTIC? Thursday, June 4, 1964 Yes, Ninotchka, that one was the Spanish Fly! many before Criminal Month in, month out ressions of new and Ideas whetner Tnese expressions lake the value and literarv interest wake room in vour ute tor Ine Atlanuc ner a copy today. Aetori 蠫 Cocoanut Grove EVERY FRIDAY SPECIAL STUDENT EVENING $8.50 INCLUDES EVERYTHING • Superb Dinner, Show, Danc-ing, Cover charge, taxes and gratuity. • Student ID Card required. This price Friday evenings and Prom nights. Purchase tickets at door. AMBASSADOR HOTEL LOS ANGELES • DUNKIRK 7-7011 Put an arm around a young man's shoulder Business and industry are helping to pay the costs of today's education If you've sent any sons or daughters to college lately, you are no stranger to the rising costs of education. Tuition rates have increased as much as 300 per cent since 1950. Are the schools making ends meet? Hardly. At most colleges and universities, the tuition you pay covers less than half the cost of your child's education. Someone has to provide the remainder. America's corporations are contributing in many ways. Standard will provide nearly $1½ million this year for scholarships, fellowships, grants and materials for schools and colleges. Our scholarships and fellowships have no strings attached. We do not select the recipients, nor do we expect them to come to work in our Company. It's simply a way of putting an arm around the shoulders of promising young men and women. And helping to answer the plea: "Give us more trained minds to serve the nation." Planning ahead to serve you better STANDARD OIL COMPANY OF CALIFORNIA 9904