California Tech, v. 98:15, January 31, 1997

YAHOOL! DOGBERT DOGBERT DOGBER Dilbert returns this week. Enjoy! H F N GUY RWS RT T ₴ H W Puzzle yourself with a word find! see page 8 see page 5 THE CALIFORNIA TECH VOLUME XCVIII, NUMBER 15 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA FRIDAY, JANUARY 31, 1997 Opposable Bums: A word from the ASCIT President BY KOHL GILL article. Yeah, I thought so. window of Winnett. much as it is! Now that really an- have opinions, too, about how noys me. Granted, there are those Hi, there. I'm Kohl Gill, and things should be run around here, But I don't have the time or folks doing Y stuff, club stuff, and I'm your new ASCIT President. right? You've probably considered energy for an office! What are you House stuff, and I respect them; I You shouldn't be surprised, seein' writing your opinions in the Tech doing, taking classes? Sure, an of- really do. But for every one of as how I ran unopposed. Doesn't on occasion, haven't you? My, fice takes time and effort, but you'd those guys, there's gotta be two or ASCIT ELECTIONS! ASCIT ELECTIONS! that make you feel all warm and you're quite the activist! But, wait! be surprised how worthwhile one three people out there (especially mushy inside, knowing that the Have you thought about Student of these jobs can really be. Imag- in the bigger North Houses, where • Election results are leader of your student body was Government? No? Well, friend, ine the feeling of accomplishment House offices have more compe- the only schmuck willing to do the do I have a deal for you! you get when a party comes off just tition), competent and willing, who back! job? Boy, it cheers me up like rain right (Director of Social Activities) have succumbed to the apathy of ASCIT President: in the morning. Step two: Stoop down to their or when you get the van back their peers. You know what? Apa- Kohl Gill Hmm. Perhaps I began level. (Upperclass Director-at-Large) or thy Sucks! ASCIT VP/BoC Rep: wrong. I actually am honored to But I don't know what ASCIT when ASCIT survives another au- be President. Let's see... does! You should, considering you dit (Treasurer). You get to have Step Three: Infect them with Maria Satterwhite The Dummies Guide on How to In-give them dues every term com- an impact on (and power over) the your emotions. • The signups for spire People: parable to your House's. Check entire undergraduate community. If you've read (or skimmed) ASCIT: out the section in the little t, or To tell you the truth, I'm actually this far, I commend you. I bet Secretary Step one: Act Sincere. (goodness, no!) skim the Bylaws. a lot more organized now than I you're tired of my ranting. You Treasurer Howdy! I bet you're the kind There are a lot of offices that need was when I entered my first office. know what I'm tired of? I'm tired Social Director of person who reads more than the competent people, and sign-ups for Think about it. of people complaining that ASCIT ARC Chair first couple paragraphs of a Tech most of them are posted on the But I'm already doing too doesn't do enough for them, and ARC Representative then not offering any suggestions, ARC Secretary or trying to change things them- Natural Born Reality Check selves. I'm tired of hearing of IHC Chair Houses that discourage ASCIT in- Ath Man volvement out of some twisted Upperclassman phobia of losing their competent Director at Large BY RON DOLLETE leaders. I'm tired of the ASCIT Freshman Director President (and now, the V.P./BoC "You've got to ask the right questions," said Stone in a talk at Caltech Wednesday night. "Who owns the world? Who owns the media? What does President mean? Where does the money go? Are you going live like slaves or like Spartans and deny the goddamn bastards victory over your soul?" For a man whose name is nearly always said in the same breath as "conspiracy," Oliver Stone made it no secret that he thinks America is in trouble. In his talk, entitled "Film, Chaos, and Mass De-lusion," the world famous di-rector, screenwriter, and producer analyzed American history since World War II and the roles politics and media play in our thoughts and soci-ety. at Large Chair) running unopposed (or vir- BoC Secretary tually so). But I'm especially tired of walking by Winnett and seeing are up at Winnett! Sign noone signed up for various rad, up, and don't forget to neato positions. submit your statement Come on, guys, sign up. If and photo to the Tech by you lose, so what? If you win, you Tuesday, February 4, at get to meet people from other 5 p.m. Houses (God forbid!), get to know administrators and faculty (they're not all goblins), and get to bend this entire campus to your will! Votes: Well, I wasn't going to put this in, but you have a right to know: all the really stellar babes are in ASCIT President 158 Non-Abstaining Votes Student Government. Granted, they're out governing other schools, but that doesn't make the statement any less true. Kohl Gill NO Write-ins 109 24 25 Alright. I'm gonna stop writing now. If you want to talk to me about an office, or anything else, here's how to reach me: ASCIT VP/BoC Chair 157 Non-Abstaining Votes kohl@cco Maria Satterwhite x1590 NO One of Stone's major foci Oliver Stone spoke Wednesday in Beckman Auditorium. Ri 56 in this lecture was the Vietnam Write-ins 109 29 19 Sign up outside Winnett! War, in which he served for fifteen months in an infantry division (and for which he subsequently received the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star). He described it as a rotten war, and "a rotten war is lost by rotten politicians." Stone said the draft was too easy to dodge: if you could afford a college education, or even a trip to a doctor, you could evade the war. "If you go to war, everyone [must go] to war, even the senators' sons." He added that the rich would then feel the pains of war, and change would be ini-tiated. The Vietnam War, however, continued on for financial purposes, when it could have been resolved before Nixon even came into of-fice. By contrast, Stone describes how during subsequent visits to Vietnam, the Vietnamese didn't complain about MIA's and POW's the way that the Americans did; they've moved on. He says, though, that "we have a duty to remember to those who died for our country...Move on, but remember." Stone explored various aspects of the Vietnam War in films such as Born of the Fourth of July and Platoon. (Interestingly, Platoon was originally written in 1976, but was not produced SEE STONE ON PAGE 10 IN THIS ISSUE THE USUAL THIS WEEK'S STUFF FEATURES Announcements.... ...12 Bookworm..... ASCIT Minutes.... Circle of Fire.... Letters to the Editor. Dean's Corner.. The Outside World. DILBERT®.. Question of the Week... .10 MindStalk. Y News..... Word Find. 2 January 31, 1997 OPINIONS offend my female friends by damental problem is obvious: LETTERS TO THE EDITOR saying so - there is little a priori the vast majority of college stu- temptation to treat a randomly- dents are not biologically de- chosen Caltech woman as either signed to content themselves Oh, Please.... Brown's factual assertions, and a toy or a sex object. Although solely with a life of scholarly her judgment as to which gen- the women have a clever saying: study. It is bad enough that der issues are germane at "The odds are good, but the roughly half of Caltech's under- Dear Editors, I would like to offer an alternative to Cherish Brown's representation of undergraduate gender relations at Caltech. Although the Tech's readership is primarily undergraduate, my object is not to communicate these opinions to my fel-lows. Rather, I wish to address those members of the greater Caltech community who, not being directly exposed to undergraduate life, do not have a basis for judging the validity of Brown's perceptions for themselves. I, at least, would prefer that the faculty and graduate students who read the original article not view my community in the light Brown casts. Before I begin, however, I feel it necessary to state that maintaining basic standards of civility during the composition of this opinion piece was a considerable effort. My first reac- tion to Brown's article was amused derision, and the temptation to descend into mean-spir-ited parody was strong. I desist here not because I am motivated by high standards of conduct or journalistic scruples, but because I fear that such an exercise — however entertaining — would tend to render my arguments suspect in the eyes of my intended audience. I mention my own reaction to Brown's article by way of introduction because it is important for the outsider to understand how reactionary - and, well, crazy - her perceptions seemed to many undergraduates. Although I am sure she must have supporters in her camp, none of the undergraduate women with whom I spoke agreed with the content of Brown's piece. (True, a handful of women does not a poll make, but I ain't a polling ser-vice.... perhaps you will grant that the trend is suggestive.) disagree both with Caltech. Let me address the goods are odd," the men have graduates will, of necessity, be most important factual points not developed an adage stating discontent with their social lives. categorically. We all classify our the converse: "The odds are However, the male demand for acquaintances in a variety of bad, but the goods are..." On feminine attention strains our ways, but it is untrue that the the whole, the women devote community at least as much as principal mode of classification little more time to the cultiva- it does the lonely individuals applied to women by Caltech tion of physical beauty and sex themselves. men is "babe versus bitch." The appeal than do the men (and you Entering freshmen immedi- will perhaps note the pro- ately experience the most dra- liferation of stubble, nonde- matic manifestation of the gen- If anything, the social script clothing, and less- der ratio. That is because as a climate generated by than-rippling musculature rule there are very few single about campus - not that women at Caltech. The first two the skewed gender this is necessarily bad). The weeks of fall term are an excep- reason is that, like the men, ratio leads to more tion, owing to the entry of a new the women are also opti- class of freshmen. Most of the gentlemanly behavior. mized for academic toil and men — freshmen included work towards a career. To are acutely aware of the situa- survive at Caltech, any stu-tion, and are sorely tempted to validity of her assertion that dent must be a focused, no-non- meet and befriend as many of Caltech men usually speak of sense scholar — of necessity, the frosh women as possible, as women in these terms (they that's how the women are per- fast as possible. The ensuing don't) is less important than her ceived. Given these circum- melee is an exercise in bad taste, implication that we think of stances, it is not natural for women in these terms. It is un-the undergraduate men to reasonable to assert that a mul- think of their female class- "Yeah, I knew a guy titude of individuals within an mates as sex objects. Per- entire gender share the same perhaps more importantly, the from Caltech. Bright ceptions, much less the same idea that men can get away fellow, but he limited criteria for evaluating with that type of behavior others. In fact, to whatever ex-seems implausible to me. If married the first tent we do categorize each other, anything, the social climate secretary he met." the individual classificatory generated by the skewed schemes are far more sophisti- gender ratio leads to more cated than Brown suggests, and gentlemanly behavior. I cannot but it is also human nature certainly are not dominated by speak for other houses, but in an artifact of the circumstances. the puerile considerations she Ricketts, the only door bearing The day-to-day influence of ascribes to the entity known as pictures of lingerie-clad women the gender ratio is a bit more "Caltech men." Granted, all belongs to a (heterosexual) subtle. Rather than attempting healthy males do notice traits woman. I get the impression an exhaustive treatment, I will like physical beauty, and such that no one else would dare. relate a few instructive examples things do influence how we Finally, Caltech does have a drawn from each gender. Let's think about women. At the same sexual harassment policy, and begin with what some women time, there are enough other de- given the present political envi- have said, bearing in mind that grees of freedom that individual ronment, you may be sure that these experiences are by no women invariably emerge as — it is enthusiastically enforced. means universal. From what I surprise！ ー individuals, not Factual points aside, my gather, the primary irritations "babes and bitches." principal disagreement with from a female perspective are The statement that "male Brown is her perception of not sexual harassment, explicitly students treat many of the where the trouble lies. In the sexist attitudes, or even the fear women here like toys or sex ob- second half of her article, she of rape, but the awkward press jects" is fanciful in the extreme. spoke of Jon Benet Ramsey, goof unsolicited attention, the ex- Brown's statement is so contrary rillas, the domination of women tra social delicacy that the situ- to my experience that it is diffi-in our society by means of physi-ation requires, and the tiresome cult to attack — how does one cal violence (?), and somewhat burden of dealing with uptight, argue that the sky is blue, and curious statistics on the rapa- embittered men. One former not in fact chartreuse? To begin cious nature of man. Caltech student who I spoke with said with — and I hope that I will not does have serious gender-related that she transferred out of problems, but these ain't them. Caltech because every male VISA LOTTERY BEGINS In the space remaining, I will friend she made here eventually sketch the issues as I see them. asked her out. Another student IN FEBRUARY Caltech is notorious for its tells me that there was a period 3-to-1 gender ratio, but it is dif-in which she felt very isolated The instructions for the 1998 U.S. State Department ficult for an outsider to grasp the because there were too few fe- Diversity Visa Lottery have been announced. detailed implications of the male students for her to find a The arithmetic. Of course, the fun- kindred personality amongst the dates for this year's lottery are February 3 through March 5, 1997. Nationals of the People's Republic of China, Taiwan, India, the Philippines, South Ko-rea, Vietnam, Great Britain (except Northern Ire-land), Poland, Colombia, Dominican Republic, El Bargain Finder Travel A special service being offered to the Students uf CALIFORNIA INSTITUTE of TECHNOLOGY Salvador, Jamaica, Mexico, and Canada are not eligible for the program. To pick up a copy of the procedures on how to apply for this Lottery, please stop by the Office of International Programs (Lloyd World Travel Group, Inc. 119 W. California Blvd. Pasadena, CA 91105 (818) 796-4448 House, Olive Walk) if you are an international stu-dent, or the Faculty and Postdoctoral Scholars Office (Parsons-Gates, 010) if you are an international Callers must identity themsclves and request the "Bargain Finder Desk" postdoc, professor, researcher, or staff member. THE CALIFORNIA TECH women, and the compatible mer were too apt to misinterpret wha type of friendship she wante The craziest example I've hea came up in class discussion One of my classmates says she thinks that some men feel "en titled" to the women who are picked into their house, almos as if women were a commodi to be rationed in an equitabl manner. She was angry becaus some of the men in her hous became resentful when she de cided to date a man from anothe house. Now, all of this may sound similar to what Brow describes in her article, but ther is an important distinction. Th behavior is clearly motivated by economics, not the inheren wickedness of men, the failing of our society, or even overti sexist attitudes. It is simply matter of supply and demanc Whereas women are clearly de sired and are sometimes thou of in an unnatural way, this do not imply that they are explic itly desired as sex objects or an necessarily categorized ac cording to their willingnes to "[sate] the sexual drive of Caltech men, as Brow put it. There is such a thin as loneliness and a simple uncomplicated desire for companionship. There is much that unsatisfactory from a mal perspective, too. Predict ably, complaints about the num ber, quality, and attitude of the women here are prevalent. I THE CALFORNA TECH Caltech 40-58, Pasadena, CA 91125 adv@tech.caltech.edu ISSN 0008-1582 VOLUME XCVIII, NUMBER 13 17 JANUARY 1997 EnroEs Terry Moran EVENS & Nons Ryan Cox BUSINESs MAHArEs Heidi Eldenburg THE COOL EATD Ryan Cox RANDOM ™ ERFOR Erik Streed Cory Enroes Frechet PHoTO ERrOES News Epiror Dipasri Ghosh OPNIONS EPITOR John Hatfield FLAUTRES EPITOR. Kanwar Kahlon Kyan ta STArT WErES Myfanwy Callahar Mason rome Nell steven Erik ourece samson limon FEATVES WEIRES Ronald Daich Daisy Jame FONTINUE Cherish brow Amanda Schaffer Brady Honsinge Grace Tang Chris Brooks Andrew Childs Hail Day Published weckly except during vaca tion and examination neriods by the Associate Students of the California Institute of Technol ogy, Inc. The opinions expressed herein are Letters and announcements are we come. All contributions should include the author's name and phone number and the in tended date of publication. Submit copy (pref cribly on Macintosh 3.S" diska to the Tech mai box outside SAC room 40, or e-mail t the right to edit and abridge all submiss licracy. exncurency. clo property of the authors. Authors and columni retain all intellectual property rights. Artick received in sinux format will not he accepted Annual subscriptons to Ine Califom Tech for domestic delivery are S7X for Fil Class Mail, $12 for Standard Mail Printed by News-Type Service, Glen THE CALIFORNIA TECH ddition, the barriers to normal social interaction, the gender ratio's influence on a man's per-spective, and its effect upon morale bear discussion. Those who are mindful of their reputation (yes, there are gentlemen here) are also aware that their actions are often subject to sus-picion. I know one student who initially found it difficult to sustain lengthy conversations with his female classmates for fear they would think he was hitting on them; he wouldn't have given he matter a second thought before he came to Caltech. Also, it seems pretty clear that living here for four years can color how aman perceives women (which is a delicate way for me to say that I've seen some pretty desperate men here). Back home, I met a practicing engineer who had seen the result. He told me: "Yeah, I knew a guy from Caltech. Bright fellow, but he married the first secretary he met." As for morale, it is one thing to be lonely, quite another to lack any reasonable way to fix the problem. The situation upsets a lot of people. Ironically, most of the problems associated with the gender ratio could be alleviated easily were it not for Caltech's workload and the relative isolation that results. The obvious solution to life in a narrow community is to seek greener pastures off campus. However, the constant press of homework limits the travel radius of any given student. That, combined with a local public transportation system that is rather inconvenient, tends to hamper those who wish to escape Caltech long enough and frequently enough to develop social ties in a different community. These are the real problems, and I think they are largely blameless. As long as the gender ratio remains skewed, these problems will persist. They may not be as dramatic as rape nor as satisfying to decry (who can you berate? - certainly not the poor Dean), but they are very effective in lowering the quality of undergraduate life and the health of the community in gen-eral. As a senior, I'm nearly out. I've already been offered admission to my first-choice graduate program, so apparently Caltech did what it's supposed to. (I cannot overstate the gratitude I feel towards the various faculty who have directly taken an interest in reaching me and furthering my career.) At the same time, almost solely on the basis of the gender ratio and the quality of undergraduate life, I would never repeat my choice to come nere, and I could not recommend Il to a graduating high school Senior. (I guess I won't be Caltech's recruiting poster boy.) Yes, we do have serious gender-related problems, but not because boys will be boys. ANDREW HUNTINGTON UNDERGRADUATE Unacknowledged sexism needs to be addressed at Caltech Dear Cherish, After reading your article in the January 24 edition of the California Tech, I felt compelled to write this letter to you, and to the Caltech community at large. First, I would like to commend you and tell you that young women such as yourself, are inspiring to me. You can see the "greater" force at work here, and that is unacknowledged sexism. To be accountable for ones's actions is a very integral part of being a healthy adult. When an individual does not treat others with respect and human dignity, then it is our collective responsibility to inform that individual that they have now crossed the boundaries of acceptable human behavior. Our adults, especially those in the positions of role-models, have the responsibility of teaching others to be responsibile for one's ac-tions. The excuse, be it "boys will be boys" or they are "going thru a stage" doesn't cut it. The direction that our society as a whole is heading in is clearly one of total accountability for one's actions. We share this academic institution, and we also share the responsibility collectively and as individuals to make Caltech a safe, supportive and caring environment for all young women and men. Can we begin to really face this issue directly, and can we begin to acknowledge that we are a family, and in being a family we need to look at the painful and the not-so-good characteristics as well as our positive ones? I would like to think that we have the courage as a community, and as individuals to do this. It needs to begin with our elders and role-models, who can teach us by their words and actions which behaviors are acceptable, and those which are not acceptable. MARY SCHAFFLER STAFF Many women like it here! Dear Editors, When I read Cherish Brown's article "Of Babes and Bitches", I was startled to see the anger with which she described her experiences as a woman at Caltech. She at once condemned men's behav-or and summarily negated any comment they would make to the contrary as self-serving. Cherish Brown also seemed to deny that any women can have another opinion. Their response is only to deny any problem or to blame the victims of sexual harassment in an effort to protect themselves, according to her article. I wish to offer another alternative. Women are not automatically categorized into "babes" or "bitches". In fact, I have never heard a student speak of them in OPINIONS that way. I am far more likely to have my fill of quantum mechanics jokes than to hear sexual in-nuendos. Although I would be wrong to call gender relations at Caltech normal, I don't feel that women are entirely persecuted, or even that men are all inconsiderate oafs. Most women at Caltech have either been the object of glomming or witnessed it happening to a friend. This brings overwhelming amounts of attention and perhaps unwanted jokes, but this is a problem which is difficult to change. There is a reason that glomming occurs Frosh year; people eventually learn. Caltech students are picked more for their academic skills than their social ones, and there are bound to be some frayed tempers as an effect. Jokes in bad taste aren't masquerading "under the guise of boyish humor," they are just that. Sooner or later guys realize that some things shouldn't be said, and they learn. I feel that women are respected as intellectual equals here more than at most colleges. We all made it here for a reason and we prove ourselves every day. Of course, there will always be the statistical one chauvinist Frosh every year. Of course, there are instances of sexual harassment that should be addressed and taken most seriously. However, I do not bemoan my plight as a woman at Caltech. I consider myself to be respected by the faculty and my peers, both men and women. I enjoy being here. MYANWY CALLAHAN UNDERGRADUATE Sexual harassment not as ubiquitous as Brown claims Dear Editors, I just finished reading Cherish's article and it feels truly great to know that one-sided opinions are no longer expressed at Caltech. She was accepted to Caltech, so she obviously has quite a bit of intelligence. I might it unfortunate that she has chosen to entirely ingore it when expressing her opinion publicly. Since I have been at Caltech, I have never witnessed the gross sexual harassment that Mrs. Brown describes, and doubt that it is as ubiquitous as she claims. (I admit I am unaware how much of what she describes actually occurs.) She condemns nearly half the human race sexual oppressors. She has the right to public express her views, but I would love to see what would happen if a male wrote the equivalent article from his point of view. To think that people (even those who sexually harass oth-ers) classify people into only two categories is absurd. There are lots of makes and females at Caltech who are as good friends as any pair of members of the same gender. Yet, Mrs. Brown seems to think that most males January 31, 1997 3 The Outside World by Myfanwy Callahan GROZNY, CHECHNYA The commission, established Chechnya elected a new to help confront the country's President, Aslan Maskhadov, past, offers to grant amnesty Monday in their first demo- for confessors. cratic elections. The former Soviet colonel will pursue independence for the Chechen Republic as his fist priority. JAMAICA— The success of the North American Free Trade Agreement for Canada, the U.S. and Mexico has severely undercut the economies of the Caribbean. Factories are closing and jobs are flowing to Mexico. KIRMA, THE SUDAN— At least 50,000 people were forced to leave their homes after villages were "bombed and torched" in the Blue Nile area. The Sudanese government forces are destroying the villages in response to the rebel capture of five towns. PORT ELIZABETH - South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission announced that five policemen had confessed to some of the Apartheid era's most brutal political killings. are only capable of treating women as objects. It is true that some people will sometimes consider others to be bitches, but has it ever occured to Mrs. Brown that this is due to one's personality more than anything else? Lastly, Cherish Brown implies that a tribe of gorillas treats the female members of the tribe better than most human civilizations do. If this is the case, perhaps she should go run off and join one. Maybe she will find a few gentlemen there! In complaining about the classification of women, Mrs. Brown has done an equally impressive job of classifying men! MASON PORTER UNDERGRADUATE Brown clarifies a couple points Dear Editors, I'd like to clear up a couple problems people had with last week's topic First, the terms "babe" and "bitch" were phrases which I borrowed from the countless males (who would probably prefer to remain nameless) I've heard discussing women. I didn't arbi- trarily choose these terms: my use of them was merely a reflection of reality, not a molding. SOFIA, BULGARIA- With a collapsing economy and threats of mass protests, the ruling Socialist Party has offered to meet with opposition leaders to plan an early parliamentary election. Interior Minister Nikolai Dobrev stated, without a date for elec-tions, " the chaos and power vacuum may cause a threat to civil peace." WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to a Freedom of Information request, the CIA revealed that it had taught security forces in five Latin American countries the techniques of mental torture. The instruction was formally stopped in 1985. Circis Second, there are a couple people who said that men would never get away with printing what I did in the Tech. You're right: men could never get away with printing that they are objectified, harrassed, and treated with general disrespect. They couldn't get away with it because it doesn't happen on nearly as grand a scale as it does for women. If you think that I was merely publishing offensive or "hate" literature against men, then you might want to check out some back issues of the Tech or the BFD. I have frequently seen things published by men which were offensive to women. On a final note, I'd like to say that I don't hate men. I have a wonderful husband (who just happens to be a man) and have several good friends through political and other organizations who happen to be men. However, these men are enlightened: they liked my article. CHERISH BROWN Please send submissions for letters to the editor to The California Tech Caltech 40-58 Pasadena, CA 91125 or Dy electronic mall to editors@tech.caltech.edu. Deadline for submissions is Monday at s p.m. on the week of publication. The editors reserve the right to edit or refuse to print any letter for any 4 January 31, 1997 FEATURES MIND STALK by D.R. Sullivan An Essay on the Orthography of the English Language as an Example of Spontaneous Order Asking for spelling to reflect subject to more rules. Our phonetic pronunciation raises French, Greek, and Italian im- the question of whose pronun- ports are the biggies here. 'phi- ciation will be represented. losopher' could be 'filosofer', The writing system of the English language is often denounced for its inconsistencies and complexities, particularly the lack of a direct connection between spelling and pronun-ciation. Some complexity lac-knowledge, but I wish to present the beginnings of an argument that our orthography has evolved into a fairly robust and rational solution for a problem other than exactly representing pronunciation. First case: the "silent 'e' isn't. Most of you should know this already, but I'll go through it anyway. Al- though final 'e's aren't pronounced as such they do lengthen preceding vowels, a rather necessary task as we have 5 vowel symbols and 13 simple vowel sounds, although that includes the schwa which is sort of defined as the vowel English doesn't care about. Still, even the long/short dichotomy taught in grammar school (inadequate — can you come up with 3 values for 'a'? But then they still impose Latin syntax on our language.) gives ten sounds, five which our alphabet doesn't include. ton/tone, run/ rune. 'done' might seem an ex-ception, with the save value as 'ton', but then try pronouncing 'don'. The vowel is still lengthened. Of course I would pronounce 'con' like 'don' but 'cone' like 'tone' — the vowel is still lengthened, but inconsistently somewhere. Second case: some dialects drop 'T' or 'h' in many places. Should their writing conform to their pronunciation? I think most would agree that that would confuse them and us. The problem isn't that orthog-but that would lose the handy raphy doesn't match phonol- etymological crutch - par- ogy but that phonology doesn't ticularly considering how match phonology — that's much of English's classical what it means to have dialects. constructions get adopted by Except, that the differences be- other languages, e.g. I think the tween dialects often follow Japanese and Russian words patterns - consistent shifts of for a telephone are more or less vowels, dropping terminal 'T', 'telephone'. And conversely, or whatnot. Rather than hav- knowing that 'philosopher' is ing our writing pinned to one Greek in origin helps tran-privileged/standard dialect scribe the 'f' sound properly. (simple solution) we've Similarly, one could gripe evolved an orthography repre- about having to memorize the senting an abstract phonology odd spelling of 'shato' (actu- from which an actual phonetic ally, I want to pronounce that pronunciation can be predicted with a long 'a', whoops) 'cha-teau', and ask for it to be spelled 'shato', or one Asking for spelling to reflect phonetic pronunciation raises the question of whose pronunciation will be represented. could remember that French sh is 'ch', o is "eau', and that the word is French, thus spelling it with ease, except for the terminal 'x' of 'Bordeaux', whose justification 1 am unfamiliar with. Again, there are still flaws, but most of what is considered an insanely flawed structure is in fact using the rules of the dialect — rules often similar in form to other dialects, but with different values. Not that there still aren't irregularities, but part of English's complexity is in fact solving a problem most people don't realize exists. A rather 'fair' solution, too. Thus we get the benefit of some relation between spelling and pronun-ciation, using variable rules for variable dialects, while having the same written language be a bridge between different dia-lects, unlike Chinese which uses an arbitrary set of ideo-grams, one for each word. And then much of the remaining irregularity is not ran-dom, but encodes historical in-formation, which may well be quite powerful and useful for dealing with a multi-dialect and history-rich language. Which becomes all the more impressive when one considers that not a jot of intelligence was ever applied to the overall design, except perhaps by multiple typesetters in Elizabethan England and Noah Webster. So much for the perils of anar-chy. On Drugs and Language Doublespeak is here! • "human remains pouches" for body bags. • "collateral damage" for civilian casualties. • "freedom fighters" for terror- SEE MINDSTALK ON PAGE 7 BEING BILINGUAL IS YOUR TICKET TO SUCCESS. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. Interview with the world's top companies at the Pan-Asian Job Fair! Feb. 7 - Feb. 8, 1997 souin san rancisco conterence centen 255 S. Airport Blvd., South San Francisco, CA yam: 4 0m Walk-In Registration Accepted To register or get more information, contact: International Career Information, Inc. Phone: 1-800-859-8535 http://www.rici.com/acw China Hong Kong India Indonesia hailand Vietnam PAN-ASIAN JOB FAIR THE CALIFORNIA TECH Of Men and Women, Struggle and Adversity BY STEVEN P. BENNETT & ANDREW S. LAUCTUS Few statistical aspects of the undergraduate body as a whole pervade the social structure at Caltech further than the "ratio" of men to women. Although Caltech as an institution has made much progress toward its goal of diversifying the commu-nity, there is clearly much work to be done both in recruitment and in the attitude of our stu-dents. Nonetheless, Brown's article represents an unreasonable attack on Caltech men, both in the student body and in the administration. United States history has shown us the adversity women face in many areas of society, and Brown has many good points concerning some atti- tudes among uneducated and ignorant men. Generalizing to all men at Caltech, however, is espousing the same reasoning that she condemns in her arguments. Her article opens with a sweeping generalization about male opinions concerning women at Caltech. Specifically she contends that Caltech men do not have the ability to consider women as equals, either intellectually or socially. Certainly this kind of idea is not without foundation, since it has been only recently that the "boys' club" of science has opened its doors to women. But young people in science, particularly at a place like Caltech are not the old men of 50 years ago. It is our belief that the kinds of male stereotypes purported by Brown (although certainly not nonexistent) are becoming less prominent at Caltech, and are neither defended nor condoned by admin-istration. Contrary to Brown's implication that only women prioritize studies at Caltech, most men are here to learn as well, not to "sate sexual drives." In all hon-esty, Caltech is a rigorous insti-tution, where most of an undergraduate's time is taken up by schoolwork and classes. Neither men nor women have much time to analytically categorize their peers as sexual objects or otherwise. We believe most undergraduates are concerned with surviving Caltech and learning from each other. With many female professors and teaching assistants involved in the lives of undergraduates, it would be difficult for an "im mature male" to justify a claim that women are indeed merely sexual objects, rather than lead. ers in their fields. Gender ineg. uities certainly exist at Caltech, as they do everywhere, but are ticles such as Brown's divide us rather than bring us together. On several occasions, Brown says she is waiting for someone to "stand up and say that this sexist, objectifying, and obnoxious behavior is simply wrong, sometimes illegal, and will not be tolerated at Caltech." Statements like this are simply not true, in that Caltech as well as collegiate institutions all over the United States have striven to increase opportunities for women as well as to insure their fair treatment. Programs like the Caltech Women's Center as well as the process for filing grievances show that Caltech has already shown its belief that this behavior is wrong and unaccept- able. Caltech is a rigorous institution... Neither men nor women have much time to analytically categorize their peers as sexual objects. Poten tially the most disturbing part of last week's article was the that house of ficers, faculty, and adminis trators condone the events supposedly taken place. This is unwarranted and is unfair, especially since the readership of the Tech extends to trustees, administra-tion, alumni, and parents. As a former House President, I can attest to the commitment of myself and the entire Interhouse Committee to the defense of the interests of all undergraduates, not just those in particular Houses, and certainly not those of a particular gender. Undergraduate leadership reflects this; in my four years as a student I have seen female ASCIT presi-dents, House presidents and of-ficers, BoC chairs, and numerous other campus-wide posi-tions. Clearly the Caltech electorate feels that women have a right to not only exist at Caltech, but also to lead. Brown also accuses women at Caltech of "allowing" this stereotype to continue. Actively opposing these stereotypes does not have to include writing myopic articles for the Tech. In fact, an article such as that is not likely SEE WOMEN ON PAGE 10 THE CALIFORNIA TECH Recently I saw the rerun of a movie on TV. It was called Scent of a Woman, and had made an impact when it came out a few years ago, but I had not seen before. I expected a sweet, rc-mantic movie which my wife and I would watch quietly by a roaring fire, while the promised downpour would materialize outside. Warm and snug and cozy, a perfect way to ease into the New Year. Except that, as I remember, the movie was not at all what I thought it was about. The title was only just a come-on, to bring the suckers into the theater. Actually that's not quite true, my wife pointed out to me a few days ago. There is a touching story about a grouchy, blind, retired codger who had been a military man in his happier days and had decided to have a last fling at high life before committing suicide. He actually happily rejoins the living while defending a belea- FEATURES Dean's Corner The Honor in the System by Jean-Paul Revel guered col- lege student who acted as his "nurse" during the holi-days. His defense of this student is the only part of the movie that I remembered, and the ex military man's renewed olfactory interests in life left no mark at all. My wife chided "You were never good at Integrals; there are many aspects to this story that you have to take into account." Yes, it was true, I only remembered the part about the Honor System. The student stands wrongly accused of carrying out a particularly audacious prank at school, because he refuses to identify the true pranksters. While the pressure on him mounts more and more, he cannot bring himself to snitch even at his own detriment. I guess this is the place where I too have serious problems with the Honor System. Nullification of advantages gained in an unfair fashion, and protection of the community against a recurrence are civilized and just ways of dealing with the problems that arise. But to set the machinery in motion someone has to suspect wrongdoing, someone has to call attention to a breach of procedures. Whoever is cheating is doing something dishonorable, but that does not make it easy to tell on them. In the movie there is an impassioned plea and strong praise for the student who by his willingness to risk his own better interests, protects the identity of the perpetrators. He is extolled as being the incarnate image of the honor code. But that is not the Honor Code we live by. The hero, had he been at Caltech, would in fact have been breaking the code himself. The little t of '46-47 says that "Tech's most sacred tradi-tion... allows all examinations to be conducted without faculty supervision. It allows the student to leave his belongings anywhere on the campus with safety. It allows dealings to proceed between faculty and students with absolute confidence in the student's honesty." Well and good if the rules are not dis-obeyed. But, if they are dis- D C K Y 〇 〇NE G D F 工工 W N D CNXWEMCAVLEL G A LIFORNIAALL E Y A G B R G Y D E F E E R U C KK V T U F S D M I R A N F I CK SM N E Y JT G Z V L T T T J A D T I T U T E R M E A G V F S E A A K C TA H S I T K S A F C H F T Z A S I T H J H U S E P R E 工〇 A C K E R V U• D G N B A D T L F S K P Y K B E M F X D E E M ALFY ALLEY ASCIT BLACKER CALIFORNIA DABNEY FAIL FLAME FLEMING FLICK GRADES HOUSE HOVSE INSTITUTE LLOYD PAGE PASS RICKETTS RUDDOCK SHAFT TACIT TECHNOLOGY obeyed, one is left with the ethical problem of having to tell on friends or acquaintances. Is it not curious that while deploring the behavior of people in other societies who were encouraged to tell on each other to the Police, we actually have built a system where in fact we have to do the same thing? We deplore snitches, stool pigeons, moles (of course, I am not referring to M. Blackeri: them, we approve of!). Yet, unless breaches of the norms of conduct are brought to the attention of those responsible to enforce them, the rules won't get en-forced. If crimes are not reported, the Honor Code turns into a hollow facade. It is bad if students do not report the untoward things that they see. It is also bad if Professors feel that it serves no purpose for them to convey suspicions of cheating to the BoC because no punishment seems to follow. So for our Honor Code to work, for our BoC to act, someone has to report suspected misdeeds, someone has to accuse. One account that I have mentioned before explains that in an in-class exam, if one student observes another doing something he thinks inappropri-ate, he is to stand and cry out "Honor Code Violation" without pointing out who is cheating. January 31, 1997 5 Only if the perpetrator persists in his way is he to be fingered. And in the end, fingered he has to be, in spite of the fact that our forerunners clearly stated that no faculty or official, should ever try to make a student "in-criminate himself" or "require one. to testify against other students I guess the operative word is "require." As long as one is not coerced into testifying, or denouncing someone, as long as these things are done in a peer situation, where students police themselves, acting on their own beliefs, then there is no problem. The better, ideal way of course would be to have a society so perfect, a group of students so honest, so thoughtful, so well adjusted, that no one would sneak a peak at closed exams, spend longer than allowed answering questions, take advantage of the system or of each other, if all the girls and all the boys were true to their commitment to "Tech's most sacred tradition," to which they implicitly committed themselves by deciding to come here. Is that too unrealistic? Shouldn't we all give that a try? A bientôt. Jo Revel Spring Garden Chinese Restaurant Mandarin & Szechwan Cuisine-Best in Town! Party Tray to Go - $5.00 per person (Min. 25 People) Orange Chicken Vegetable Noodles Pork Fried Rice Kung Pao Beef Great for meetings, parties, etc. 5% discount with Caltech ID Lunch Special CATERING & FOOD TO GO Monday-Sunday 11:30-3:00 pm Beer-Wine-Banquets 187 N. Sierra Madre Blvd (818) 796-2531 Pasadena, CA 91107 JOHN HOLMSTOM Student Intern at Samra University of Oriental Medicine Teaching Clinic WATE Call for Appointment At the largest and oldest low cost acupuncture and herbs teaching treatment clinic in the USA. Phone: (213) 709-4734 Please Leave Message PASTA NIGHT AT THE ATHENAIUM Monday night is Pasta Night at The Athenaeum. In addition to our a la carte dinner selections, we offer a three-course menu featuring soup or salad, three pasta entrees, and dessert FOB ONLY Adults 12.95 Children $7.95 Enjoy a delicious dinner, and a selection of Italian wines. An outstanding value! Athenaeum members please call the Front Desk for reservations at 818/793-6146 For Athenaeum membership information, please call Alicia at 818/395-8399 6 January 31, 1997 FEATURES THE CALIFORNIA TECH Caltech Y activities got off to a good start this term: we've ews hosted several noon concerts, as well as presenting the Martin by Bradey Honsinger Luther King day festivities here on cam- pus. We're putting together many new and different activities, so watch for more Y stuff this term. Of course, we're continuing our present programs; there will be more Saturday Y Hikes and mountain biking trips this term, so if you're interested stop by the Y for more information. We'll be holding Mini-Decom-pression next Saturday, Feb. 8; this term's mini-decompression will be bigger and better, so mark it on your calendars. There will also be another installment of the ever-popular Caltech Y Boffo Bonecrusher Broomball later this term, so start honing your ice skills. As always, if you're interested in volunteering in some of the community programs the Y participates in (remember, work-study students get paid!) or want more information about any of the Y's programs, stop by the Y. If you want more info on any of the Y's programs but don't have time to stop by, call Chris at xó163. He's also available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at sundberg@starbase. to find out what happened Chee's personal life and the hunt for cattle rustlers provide the sub-plots. Altogether it isa very well crafted book, enter. Ebook worm rent taining and hard to put down. It contains quite a bit of de. scription of Navajo culture and reasons why they are superior to white people, ironic since Hillerman himself is white. For that reason and the fact that I by Daisy James don't know what real Navajos think of his writing I am a bit wary of Hillerman's analysis. A Wonderful Work of Art Still, this is really a minor par Slightly imperfect of what is basically a good 9888288 888888 2828 Pretty darn good read. Decent Bad Birdcage liner The New Yorker Book of Cat Cartoons by Various Contributors A tiny (4"x5") book collecting The Fallen Man by Tony Hillerman fair clues for the murder. The the best cat cartoons that have book features both of run in the New Yorker over the Hillerman's detectives, Jim years. Some are divinely true Chee and Joe Leaphorn. ("T've never seen him pause My only complaint about Leaphorn is now retired from next to anyone longer!") oth Hillerman's writing: from the Navajo police, where Chee ers funny in their absurdity (a reading his earliest books, was has been promoted to acting cat playing with a ball of yam that they were more action than Lieutenant. gets so tangled up that it knits mystery. However, in this his The story is set on a reser- itself a sweater) and others are latest novel he seems to have vation in New Mexico and be- just plain weird (a woman moved past that and gives an gins with the discovery of a standing behind three risers of authentic murder mystery. skeleton on rock ledge. It is cats with the names listed be There is certainly action here, connected with a missing per- low like a yearbook picture) but the author has learned some son case of eleven years ago You have to have or know a cal moderation and how to provide and the family hires Leaphorn to really appreciate this book. A.S.C.I.T. Minutes MAY 20, 1996 Official ASCIT minutes of 1/23/97 Present: Dave R., Maria, Grace, Dave B., Kohl, Emily, Kara, Meeting starts at 10:14 p.m. Officers' Reports • Emily said that the houses that are planning trips to Star Wars will not be subsidized by ASCIT. Installations are at the end of February and hopefully at the phone), Kara, Andrew Strauss Meeting starts at 10:08 p.m. • Andrew says that the publications area will be consolidated in about a month's time. Officers' Reports • Kara wanted Fleming's interhouse money. The UROH is a third done. • Alexis bought legal sized paper for the copier. Copier account request sheets are out. • Kohl says that the Student-Faculty Conference Committees will be formed this weekend. It will be an open meeting. The place is yet to be determined. • Kristie says ASCIT will not be in debt. Clubs, come get your money for this term. Sign up for Treasurer. • Dave brought up the idea of hiring a bookkeeper. ASCIT decided if they can afford a bookkeeper, they'll hire one 7- • Kohl happily declared two of the three committees for the Student-Faculty Conference are established: 1) Honor System and 2) Student Life. Printed copies of the CLUE will be available soon. • Dave Bacon got a request from SAFCOM for the ASCIT BoD to respond to certain ideas voiced by the students. The BoD replied. • Maria said that the Open Business Meeting went well. Another bylaw change is going to come up in about a Meeting adjourned 10:45 p.m. Official ASCIT minutes of 1/9/97 Present: Dave R., Maria, Grace, Kristie, Kohl, Alexis, Kara Meeting starts at 10:20 p.m. • Kara says that the UROH will be started • Dave R., Heidi, Kristie and Andrew talked with the person that ASCIT would like to have as their bookkeeper. She's mulling it over. Meeting adjourned 10:59 p.m. Official ASCIT minutes of 1/16/97 Present: Dave R., Maria, Grace, Kristie, Dave B., Kohl, Emily (over the speaker • Alexis hasn't heard anything about the van. She ordered paper for the ASCIT copier. By the way, if there is not paper in the copier, do not order any yourself. • Kohl is done with the CLUE. It's on the web at http://www.cco.caltech.edu/ ~clue. The Faculty-Student Conference memo went out. Freshmen and Sophomores are especially encouraged to par- • Maria said that the Open Business meeting will be early the week of the 20th. be accompanied by any one member of the Caltech community of his choosing, Meeting adjourned 10:31 p.m. keep him company during the waiting periods outside of the hearing. This person may not witness any part of Official ASCIT minutes of 12/5/96 the actual hearing, will be Present: Dave R., Maria, Grace, Kristie, bound to secrecy as set Dave B., Kohl, Emily, Kara, Wes Meet- forth in subsection (s) for ing starts at 9:47 p.m. all witnesses, and must not • Wes came to request ASCIT funding interfere with the normal for a CCF square-dance. He requested proceedings of the Board. $150 for a caller. ASCIT voted to give to: Wes $100.75 for the event 7-0-0. Article VII: Section 3 (1) A Officers' Reports defendant attending a hear- • Kara says that the UROH is getting ing of the full Board may be accompanied by any one along. She's getting suggestions. member of the Caltech com- • Kohl is going to advertise the CLUE munity of his own choosing. beginning of next term. He went to the This person may accompany Faculty Board meeting the defendant during wait- • Maria is having another Open Business ing periods, and at any part Meeting early second term. Topics of dis- of the hearing where the de- cussion are nullification and unanimous fendant is present. This decision. She also recommended a person must not disrupt or change to the ASCIT bylaws. It passed interfere with the proceed- 7-0-0. ings of the Board in any Recommended change to the ASCIT way, and shall be immedi bylaws ately removed at the Chair's discretion if such disrup- The BoC has made the suggestion of tion occurs. This person changing the bylaws. Currently, accord- will be bound to secrecy as ing to ASCIT bylaws, a defendant has the set forth in subsection (s) right to bring a member of the Caltech for all witnesses, and must community to accompany them in the not interfere with the nor- waiting room while the BoC deliberates. mal proceedings of the The bylaw change suggested would al- Board. low the defendant to bring a silent ob- If you have any questions or comments, server into the actual meeting. let Maria know (mariafs@cco). This suggestion would change the cur- Meeting adjourned 10:10 p.m. rent bylaw from: Article VII: Section 3 (1) A defendant attending a hearing of the full Board may Respectfully submitted Grace Yang ASCIT Secretar THE CALIFORNIA TECH FEATURES January 31, 1997 7 SO THE SOCCER TEAM DID THIS BASEBALL RCAUC. You toct SOME STUPID BET BASIC- IN AN HOUR, FoxTrot SON, I'M GOING. TO SAY ID A LITTLE INSENSITIVE I'M NOT THE BALDEST GUY I IMINN IN THIS HOUSE ILL GOLCT ANYMORE! MOM CHEW YEE-HA! ME OUT CHECK OUT ALI MY PEACH FUZZ! by Bill Amend AND THIS IS ONLY SINCE MONUAT. I'LL BET IN ANOTHER WEEK OR TWO, I'L SIMPLY LOOK LIKE A KID WITH A CREW CUT. THE WAY HAIR JUST GROWS IM SORK MADE FUN OF MINDSTALK CONTINUED FROM PAGE 4 ists we like. • "terrorists" for guerillas we don't like. • "downsizing" for mass lay-offs. • "mass layoffs" for mass fir-ings. • "war on drugs" for Prohibi-tion. Could someone who believes that illegal drugs should stay illegal please explain what difference there is between the modern 'war on drugs' and 1930's Prohibition, besides the chemicals banned? If there is no difference, then I think it incumbent upon the prohibitors to explain why they think the current instance of Prohibition should be less spectacularly unsuccessful than the first. I suspect the answer will be "yes, the only difference is in the drugs, but these are really bad drugs." Which won't address the question of why we should expect Prohibition to succeed this time —arguably the more addictive the drug, the harder it is to eradicate, and why are there drugs in prisons? — and invites discussion of the effects of the drugs themselves. Illegality is a fairly recent phe-nomenon; were drugs made illegal to save society from an epidemic of abuse at the time? We seem to have survived a long time without worrying about the question. Guerrillas in the Mist Actually while my list above was accurate in usage, it reflected a common confusion of concepts. 'Guerilla' is best applied to unconventional militaries, employing 'hit and fade' attacks; 'terrorist' to attempts to induce random terror in a population. The two are independent terms. An established government can be quite terrorist in practice, and a guerilla movement with well-defined targets (and good aim) need not induce widespread terror. 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Colorado BI., Pasadena, CA. 91106 (West of Allen Ave) TECH 818308-0439 FAX 818)568-9132 checks and corborate purchase orders. (CAC). Government sales & school districis PO's welcome January 31, 1997 DILBERT® BAD NEWS ON YOUR PERFORMANCE REVIEW, WALLY I CAN'T SIGN THIS PERFORMANCE REVIEW! IT'S FULL OF ALLEGED MISDEEDS THAT YOU INVENTED TO LOWER MY RATING! CATBERT: EVIL H.R. DIRECTOR EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, THE COMPANY WILL NO LONGER ALLOW TIME OFF FOR THE DEATH OF A FAMILY MEMBER DON'T MENTION ANY PROBLEMS WHEN YOU DO YOUR PRESENTATION TO SENIOR MANAGEMENT, ALICE. I PUT YOU IN FOR A COMPLIMENT, ALICE THE RESULTS OF THE EMPLOYEE SURVEY HAVE BEEN TABULATED. I'VE HIT THE GLASS CEILING. I'LL NEVER BE PROMOTED AGAIN. MY IDEA IS THAT EVERYONE SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO USE SMALL FONTS. THAT WAY WELL SAVE DISK SPACE. THE COMPANY ANNOUNCED THAT WE WILL "ABANDON OUR STRATEGY OF MAKING GOOD PRODUCTS.. EVERYONE PERFORMED THE SAME. BUT I'M REQUIRED TO RANK THE GROUP ON A BELL CURVE. YES, BUT I THINK IT REFLECTS THE SORT OF THINGS YOU MIGHT DO. I HAD TO MAKE ALL THE REVIEWS FIT A OLLL CURVE. THIS "FAMILY FRIENDLY" POLICY WILL REMOVE YOUR INCENTIVE TO EXTEND VACATIONS BY KILLING RELATIVES. THEY MIGHT TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS DURING THE MEETING. THAT WOULD BE A DISASTER IT'S NOT AUTOMATIC. THE APPLICATION MUST BE APPROVED BY THE EXECUTIVE REVIEW COMMITTEE. AS ALWAYS, EMPLOYEES SAY THEY ARE UNDER-PAID, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, AND MANAGEMENT IS INCOMPETENT. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO "PLAY THE GAME." YOU HAVE TO LOOK AND ACT LIKE THE PERSON WHO CAN PROMOTE YOU, AND I'VE NOTICED THAT MANY PEOPLE USE ENTIRE COLONS IN SITUATIONS WHERE SEMICOLON WOULD DO JUST FINE. FROM NOW ON WE'LL "PURSUE A DESPERATE STRATEGY OF MERGERS, BUSINESS SPIN-OFFS, FRUITLESS PARTNERSHIPS AND RANDOM REORGANI-ZATIONS. I HAD TO MAKE UP SOME FLAWS TO MOVE YOU DOWN THE CURVE. HERE'S A PEN.S SIGN IT. "EMPLOYEE DOES NOT WASH HANDS AFTER USING THE KESTROOMI I AM NOT SELLING CRACK FROM MY CUBICLE!!! AND MORE GOOD NEWS: WEKE CANCELING YOUR LIFE INSURANCE SO YOUR FAMILY WON'T TRY TO SNUFF YOU OUT EITHER. AS FAR AS I CAN TELL EVERY LAYER OF MANAGEMENT EXISTS FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF WARNING US ABOUT THE LAYER ARE YOU SAYING THEY HAVE A PURPOSE? EXECUTIVE REVIEW COMMITTEE I DON'T THINK SO. WE DON'T WANT THEM TO THINK COMPLIMENTS ARE AN ENTITLEMENT, AND YOUR BIZARRE, ONWORLOLI RESPONSE WILL BE? EVERYONE GETS A TRAVEL ALARM CLOCK WITH THE COMPANY THIS HAD BETTER WORK YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT WAS FUN THE REAL FUN IS WHEN HE DESCRIBES HIS NEW IDEAS AT THE NEXT STAFF MEETING. "AND WELL ACCELERATE OUR PROGRAM OF PAYING THE GOOD EMPLOYEES TO LEAVE." STOCK PRICE?I WEVE DECIDED TO LOWER YOUR BASE SALARY, WALLY. THE NETWORK WENT DOWN AND I LOST MT wOKK THE SERVER CRASHED AS YOU REQUESTED, HERE IS A SCHEDULE OF ALL FUTURE UNPLANNED NETWORK OUTAGES. A PESSIMIST SAYS THE GLASS IS HALF EMPTY. AN OPTIMIST SAYS IT'S HALF FULL THE MORE WORK I DO, THE MORE IM GIVEN. COFFEE! قاهالفاو ASOK THE INTERN I INSTALLED CALENDAR SOFTWARE ON OUR NETWORK. IT'S "PHIL, THE PRINCE OF INSUFFICIENT LIGHT"! I SAW YOU TAKE THAT CHAIR WHAT'S THE PENALTY FOR STEALING A CHAIR?? I'M WRITING A SHORT STORY FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE MUCH PATIENCE a.com cucK I REALIZE THIS WILL BE A HARDSHIP. BUT IF YOU HAND ME YOUR NECKTIE I'LL SHOW YOU WHY THIS IS BEING DONE. FROM NOW ON, 1 WANT ADVANCED NOTICE OF ANY UNPLANNED QUAGES. I TOOK THE INITIATIVE TO INCLUDE A SCHEDULE OF ALL FUTURE SICK DAYS, VOLCANIC ERUPTIONS, EARTHQUAKES AND HURRICANES. DID YOU PUT YOUR LIPS ON MY GLASS AGAIN? IT DOESN'T PAY TO BE A TALENTED AND HARD-WORKING EMPLOYEE NOW YOU CAN SEE EVERYONE'S SCHEDULE AND EASILY SET UP MEETINGS I SUMMON ALL THE DEMONS AND TROLLS OF HECK TO COME FORTH AND PUNISH YOU NOW!!!! YOU ARE SENTENCED TO SIT IN THE BREAK ROOM USED BY THE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. WHATEVER, BLAH, BLAH, ETCETERA, ETCETERA." THE CALIFORNIA TECH WHAT DID HE SAY WAS THE REASON? "BECAUSE I CAN. AND I NEED IT YESTEKDAY I USED TO THINK THAT • WAS JUST A FIGURE OF THIS IS THE POINT WHEN TOU KLALILE HOW DIOPID YOUR REQUEST WAS AND WE HAVE A GOOD LAUGH. DOES CNN KNOW ABOUT THIS? AND THE ENGIN- SAYS. IT'S A GOOD THING I PUT HALF OF MY WATER IN A REDUNDANT GLASS. HOW'S IT PAY TO BE YOU? NOT BAD ON AN HOURLY BASIS 召 I SAY WE GRAB HIM AND APPLY SOME CUBICLE JUSTICE. 5 GOOD IDEA, BUT I'M IN MEETINGS UNTIL THE YEAR .3006 I'M ED, FROM ACCOUNTING THE OTHERS ARE AT LUNCH I LIKE TO TYPE THE NUMBER SIX THIS 1S MY TUESDAY LUNCH BAG IF IT'S A COMMERCIAL SUCCESS, THE SEQUEL PRACTICALLY WRITES ITSELF THE CALIFORNIA TECH BY AUSTIN COLLINS I'd like to begin this week's column with a thank you for the reply to my flaming of the seat belt law. The reply printed in last week's Letter to the Editors was intelligent, coherent, and pointed out a few issues I had failed to address. With that acknowledged, I'd also relate a remark made to me in rebuttal of last week's flaming of The X Files. The quote was, "I don't understand what your problem with The X Files is. I arrange my whole life around The X Files." How can I argue with that? Now on to this week's topic: The Age of Excuses. Somewhere around six weeks ago, I had occasion to watch an episode of Dateline "One Flame a Week - My Promise To You." NBC. The subject of the episode was the story of a man who had been trying over and over to obtain his certification to teach in California's public education system — but kept failing the math section of the exam. Like all people who fail in a given endeavor, he was faced with a choice. He could either 1) admit he failed or 2) pass the buck. So, of course, the story was over his allegations that the test was 'culturally biased'. You see, this man was black, and felt that the math portion of the exam unfairly discriminated against blacks. Now, I'd seen a similar argument made against the written portion of such exams, claiming a Euro-centric bias on the works covered. This sort of argument merely made me scoff at what lengths people would go FEATURES to in order to avoid admitting their own incompetence. This man's claim, however, actually left me with a strong desire to grab hold of the nearest garbage can and vomit into it. He'd taken the test over thirty times, and in thirt attempts had failed to demonstrate even a passing proficiency in high school level mathematics. They made the test available on Dateline's web page, so I took a look at it. The math section was actually somewhat easier than the math section of the S.A.T. Instead of his simply being a moron, however, he chose to pin his failure on the test itself. The "white man's math"...what a silly concept. The simple fact of the matter is that he did not know the mathematics well enough to qualify to teach it to other students. Suppose we changed the test, and he passed? Then he would immediately go to work teaching his impressive knowledge of non-culturally biased mathematics to our children. Whoopee. The episode went to great length to demonstrate how hard he tried to prepare for the exam. You know, I really hate to be the one to break it to people, but if someone tries really hard and still fails an extremely basic test THIRTY TIMES, the word for that person is not 'oppressed', as he claimed. It's 'stupid". Yes, stupid. Not 'ill pre-pared', or 'not quite ready". Stu- Affordable Powerful Reliable i you're looking for a bargain-priced high-end machine perormed well on most or our benchmark tests. VESBOOK We Took The "NO" out of Notebook Intel Pent 256KB PB • Max. 40 MB RAM (Use standard ohM) * 6X CD-ROM Drive 1.44 MB floppy drive PCMCIA Type 4 slo V * Removable HD (Up to 2 GB) 16-bit sound card, NEW! TECH Infra-red port keyboar Reshwable ViMH batter output • Universal AC adapter & deluxe carrying bag P-150 24MB, ACTIVE 1.3 GB HD 8X CD-ROM & col. -CR WINDOVIS 95 CD Only $2929 P-133 MIZACTME COLER ND BX CD-ROM WINDOWS 95 CD Ouly $2479 Они $2049 SCEPTRE Sound 4000 SERIES Featuring 128-bit accelerator & Li-ion battery pid. S-T-U-P-I-D. For one reason or another, the man simply lacks the mental capacity necessary to be a teacher. Tough break, but my sympathy for him does not extend to the point where I'll allow my children (or anyone else's) to look to him for as the source of their own learn-ing. I must confess, however, that I honestly wonder whether if he had hired a tutor instead of a lawyer he might have passed it in the first thirty times. He spoke at length in the episode about the shortage of black mathematics teachers, and suggested it was a cause for the lower math scores among blacks. You know, if I insisted that my children could not learn from a black teacher, I'd likely be branded a racist. This guy claims black children can't learn math from white teachers, how-ever, and they put him on TV. The interviewer for Dateline dutifully interviewed a group of minority children, who agreed with the 'educator' in question. The one who kept failing the math test. As one of them so succinctly put it, "How's he gonna teach me what I got to know less he's been where I been?" It's easy. He teaches you the math, instead of trying to understand your home life. In turn, you learn the math, instead of complaining that he doesn't understand your culture. January 31, 1997 9 People these days have it easy. There's any number of now mainstream excuses for your failure. If you're a minor-ity, and stupid, the choice is clear..cultural bias. That must be why you didn't get the job/col-lege of your choice, right? If you're white, and stupid, try affirmative action. That must be why you didn't get into the col-lege/job of your choice, right? If it's your child that is stupid, and not you, I suggest Attention Deficit Disorder. Or, if your child is not stupid but you are, try hyperactivity to explain why you are so useless as a parent. Maybe you're a woman? Must be sexism. Or, what if you're just 100 lbs overweight? Must be genetics that explains your grotesque appearance....not the cheesecake on your plate. If you're not stupid, how-ever, then just shut up and learn the math. Then, teach it to your children. Why do you have to teach it to them, instead of leaving it the teachers? Because that man finally did pass the test, and was immediately hired as an assistant principal. It really is that simple. "Cyrano: So, this is your re-venge? Compte de Guiche: Take it to mean I serve my King, and vent my spleen." -Rostand 12.1" -ROM COLOR DRIVE WINDOWS 95 CD Only $3099 TCC 1 (818) 795-6112 Fax: (818) 795-6320 M-F 9:30-6 1154 E. Colorado Blud. 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Low-radiation * 2 high speed serial, parallel, & game ports • Enhanced 104 key Medium tower case w/230 Watt Microsoft or Logitech mouse MaxTech 33.6 Kbps V.34+ Fax/Modem * Sound Blaster 32 Wavetable PnP * Super fast 12X CD-ROM drive 240 Watt Hi-Fi speakers speiah 200 MHZ $3099 180 MHz $2749 10 January 31, 1997 STONE speaks on media CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 two stupid iceskaters, or O.J. until 1986, when a British com- Simpson, or the Menendez pany finally decided to do the brothers. movie. No American studio He summarizes the chaos by ever attempted it.) saying that TV and the dollar bill The remainder of the lecture have corrupted us. In fact, Natu- revolved around Stone and his ral Born Killers drew a lot of conflicts with the media. As one fire from conservative Bob can imagine, his reputation as Dole, who stated that Holly- the man with a conspiracy wood was killing people while theory has ruined his credibility. opposing a ban on assault rifles. He insists that he is not a liar, Stone reminded us that weapons and that it's better to be "hated kill people, not movies. for what you are than to be loved As far as his conspiracy for what theories go you are (such as not." He Kennedy's deplores how corrupt the media has become, and how corrupt ... it's better to be "hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." assassina-tion), he says that they exist in great quantities, and cites h examples American such as popula- Caesar, tion has become because of its various Popes and kings, and all obsession with the media. "If men of power. "When you get you have a deep voice and look it, people want it... Why not good on TV, you can sell any- JFK?" thing," he said, referring to CBS Stone's outlook for our fu- anchor Walter Cronkite. Stone ture is bleak. He's afraid that reflected on how America has conformity has already set in, poured itself into sensational-and that issues are set by the ism, warning us that there are media. Even arguing must be two things that need to be di- done within the paradigm that vorced from profit: the news and the media delivers. His latest politics. He called the current film, The People Vs. Larry state of the media "all the news Flynt, showed how even one's that's fit to thrill." right to speak is limited. Com- In direct response to this dis-menting on America's aggres- gust with the media, Stone re- sive culture, he says "It drives leased the film, Natural Born people fucking bananas." His Killers, which he describes as a advice, essentially, is to choose complete media regurgitation. your own path and act accord- "It was done in the spirit of ingly despite the opposition. throwing up." In the film, he tar- Stone follows a quote from gets the American landscape of Dante: "In times of crisis, those the 1990's where TV is who are neutral are condemned swamped with such events as to hell." Question of the Week You're undoubtedly thinking of Venus as the planet that spins east to west. In other words, if you arrived on Venus in the morning, the sun would be in the west and would set in the east. The only thing is that it would set about four Earth-months later! That's because a day on Venus lasts for 243 of our Earth-days. Actually, you should probably add Uranus to your list of planets in retrograde (or "backward") rotation, because it is tipped more than 90 degrees. The day would be a short one, because Uranus completes a rotation on its axis every 17 hours, which is a pretty typical time for all the gas giants. The Uranian year is 84 Earth years. Over that time there are large seasonal variations at the poles as they alternately point toward and away from the sun. As a rule, the inner planets (the THE VOTES ARE IN. I'VE BEEN ELECTED TO THE POSITION OF SUPREME RULER OF EARTH. All the planets spin west to east, except one. Why does it spin in the opposite direction? —Michael Dole Covina, CA solid ones) have much longer spin periods. Mercury com- pletes three rotations every time it goes around the sun once because it is in a tidal lock with the sun, in a manner similar to the tidal lock that causes the It's plausible that the spin rates date back to the formation of the solar system moon to always face Earth. A day there lasts about 30 Earth-days. Mars has the same spin period as Earth, but the angle between its spin axis and the axis of its orbital angular momentum is predicted to vary chaotically between about 11 and 44 degrees on a time scale of millions of years. This is due to the gravity of the sun and other planets. So if you go to Mars now, the I WON IN A LANDSLIDE, THANKS TO LOW VOTER TURNOUT AND THE FACT THAT I VOTED FOR MYSELF MANY TIMES THE CALIFORNIA TECH sun would rise in the east south. east if you landed at a Southem California latitude during the summer. But if you wait a few million years, the planet migh be so tilted that the sun would come up a few degrees north of east each morning while you were at that same latitude at the same time of year. To get back to your ques. tion, nobody knows why the planets have the spins they have. It's plausible that the spin rates date back to the formatior of the solar system, which began about 4.6 billion years agc and lasted about half a billion years. Because fairly big bod. ies were being gobbled up by the planets that we ob serve today, the inclinations of the axes as well as the spin rates are probably relics of these collisions. Probably, both Venus and Uranus originally rotated from west to east just like the other seven plan ets. Perhaps the collisions of other bodies with these two planets flipped them over per-manently. In the case of Venus the tidal effect of the sun's grav. ity also undoubtedly had a profound effect. —Peter Goldreich Lee A. DuBridge Professor of Astrophysics and Planetary Physics at Caltech. I HOPE YOU'LL BE A BENEVOLENT RULER. I THINK I'LL MAKE CANING AN OLYMPIC EVENT. Sweets with the MOSH at Steele House 355 S. Holliston Wednesday, February 12, 1997 9-11pm Come Early WOMEN: A response CONTINUED FROM PAGE 4 Throughout our history as a to foster the changes that Brown nation, the people and leadership is anxious to see. of the United States have Her examples of women struggled with the question of being forced to "tolerate or ac- equality. From apportionment of cept sexist behavior" are both voting districts in the 1960s flawed. In the first example, she through the civil rights move- uses the viewpoint of one indi- ments for both ethnic minorities vidual to generalize to all men and women, we see that problems and society in general. I think are indeed present, but also that very few people would hold that people have a commitment to point of view, namely that Jon seeking solutions. The key to Benet deserved to be sexually solving problems of inequality is assaulted. If the perpetrator to work together towards com- were caught, he would be pros- mon goals. Clearly it is important ecuted for sexual assault and to address problems that women murder, and he could never con- face, especially in science where vince any jury that a six-year- women have historically been at old girl was "asking for it." a disadvantage. But the way this "Even in gorilla clans, a must be done is through coopera- male gorilla who attempts inter-tion, and hard work, not by re- course with an unwilling female versing the same unproductive is punished by the entire group." and closed-minded stereotypes If this is being used to say that on the other gender. Brown has modern society is primitive in many valid points about the per- comparison to gorilla society, ception of women in society, but then it is a failure. Is Brown her cause would be better served claiming that modern human without an angry assault om the culture does not condemn rape male gender, or Caltech men spe- as a crime? cifically. "D. E. Shaw is the most technologically sophisticated firm on the Street." -Fortune TECHNOLOGY DE Shaw & Co D. E. Shaw & Co., L.P. is a small (around 400 employees), highly capitalized (over 800 million dollars in equity capital), very suc- cessful Wall Street firm specializing in various aspects of the intersection between technology and finance. We are now aggressively seeking exceptional candidates in a variety of fields for positions in our offices in New York, Boston, London, Tokyo, and Hyderabad, and are prepared to compensate highly talented individuals at a level exceeding that of the market. D. E. Shaw & Co., L.P. is an equal opportunity employer. FINANCE We're recruiting at CalTech: On-campus information session: February 17, 4 pm in Room 13 of the Student Activities Center Off-campus interviews: February 18 Submit resumes by February 10 to oncampus@deshaw.com or (212) 403-8499 (facsimile) 12 January 31, 1997 Events Voxfire will give a free concert on Sunday, February 2nd, at 3:30pm in Dabney Lounge. vox tre is the col aborton of three of the area s most highly reguarded interpreters of early and contenporary vocal music. ne program will consist of Medival and Renaissance music. For more information call x4652. •Ine nirst movie to screen in the German Film Series for the Winter term is: Zweikampe Ins tim will screen on wednesdav. February Sth, at 7:30pm in Baxter Lecture Hall. eng isn subuues. Admission is ree. nor more information call x3610. @ There will be a candidates forum organized oy councilmnan ounomson. Meet the three candidates who are running the District 7 seat: Koy begley, saran Smith Orr, and sid lyler Forum will be held Wednesday, February 5th, Jonin a Alendale school Aucronum.?r? So. Euclid, and Wednesday, February 12th, onm a nainition school Auctionium. 40x9 Rose Villa. John Michael Bishop, M.D. Professor, Department of Microbiology and Immunology will be giving a William and Myrtle Harris Distinguished Lectureship in Science and Civilization talk, Plagues and People: The Battle Against Infectious Disease on Thursday, February 6th, at 4:00 p.m. in the Baxter Lecture Hall, Baxter Building. Refreshments will be served following the seminar. For further in-formation, contact Ingeborg Sepp at x4087 or Beppecco.camecn.cau. Caltech's annual Research Directors Conference will be held February 6th and 7th in Ramo Audronum, will oresentanons and posier sessions from the Electrical Engineering, Com- puter science and chemistry Deparunents. ror schedule and more information call x6454 or look ai our weo page (www.canecn.euu/~ue- velopment/rdc.html). Dr. Demento will be celebrating his 27 1/2 An- niversary in beckman Auditonum, on satur-day, February 8th, at 8pm. The show will fea- Ture audio, as well as Video, selections and guest appearances from Bill Frenzer (Dead Puppies), Henry Phillips (standing on the shoulders of Freaks), and a mystery celebrity artist. Ticket prices for Caltech/JPL faculty and staff are $19.00, $16.00, and $13.00; the price for Caltech students is $5.00. For more information call x4652. The Berlin Philharmonic Woodwind Quintet will be performing at Beckman Auditorium, on outody, rcoruary yu. di a.ovom. Coleman Chamber Concert features Schuller's Jazz Suite. Barber's Summer Music. Ligeti's Six Bagatelles, Quintets by Carter adn Villa-Lobos, and Dedaglia's Brasilien Suite. Prices for Caltech/JPL faculty and staff are $19.50, $16.00. $12.50, $9.00 for advanced purchases. Beginning February 3rd there will be 50 free Rag Time on Green RESALE CLOTHING WOMEN 1136 E. Green St. • Pasadena (818) 796-9924 Wed 10-6 • Mon-Tue-Thu-Fri 10-5 • Sat 10-3, tickets avialable for Caltech students at the caitech lickel Onice. ror more informationi Call X4002. 8 On February 21st, 1997. Dr. Ned Block Pro-ressor of Philosopny and Psychology New York University will give the lecture Race and Genes. The Fallacy on Both sides. The leo ture is in Baxter Lecture Hall at 4:00 p.m. Re- Freshments will be served tollowing the semi nar For more information. call x4087. Caltech Guitar Classes for the winter quarter will meer on vescays starting January 140h 1n Room 1 of the Student Activities Center (SAC). The beginning class will be held from 4:50pm to 5:30pm, intermediate class from 3pm to 4pm, and the advanced class from 2:30pm to 0:30pm Classical and Famenco repertoires are explored but the techniques transfer to other styles of guitar. The Beginning Class includes a jazz! folk chord system. Classes are free to Caltech students and other members of the Caltech community (space permitting). Undergraduates can receive 3 units of credit if they choose. Private instruction on any level can also be arranged. The instructor, Classical Guitarist Darryl Den-ning, has an international background in per- formance, teaching and recording. For further information on the classes or Mr. Denning's new comodet aise recoruine. Dodse call c1a) 465-0881 or e-mail Mr. Denning at ddenning ecco. canecn.cau. Salsa classes with Richard Orozco of Let's Dance LA continue during February in the Dadney Lounge I nursday nignts this term from 7pm to 8:30pm. The cost is $3.75 to Caltech undergracuates. on to other callech and Jr. affiliates, $5.50 to non-affiliates. Beginners, singies, and coupies are wecome. Ine clusses are sponsored by the Caltech Ballroom Dance Cub wit proressiona instructors Irom Lers Dance LA. For more information, please contact Adam snowman at 19o-1096 or snow-man@ earthl.gps.caltech.edu © The Caltech Ballroom Dance Club will offer free beginner Waltz lessons in Winnett Lounge 8-9:30 Wednesday evenings, Feb 5th, Feb 12th, and Feb 26th. A Viennese Waltz crash course will follow. Check out the club's new web page: http://www.caltech.edu/~hallroom. From the Counseling Center Looking for a safe and supportive place to discuss issues such as coming out, being out, dealing with family, coping with a homophobic cul-ture, and being GLB at Caltech? Want somewhere just to make new friends? You are invited to the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Support Group, which meets on the first and third Tuesdays of each month from 7:30pm till 10:00pm in the Health Center lounge. This is a confidential meeting and attending does not imply anything about a person's sexual orientation- ACADEMY BARBER SHOP 27 N. Catalina Ave., Pasadena Open Tues.-Sat., 7 A.M.-4 P.M. (818) 449-1681 OLDEN PARIAN TRAVEL Caltech Officially Approved Most professional, courteous, economical and efficient service for your official and personal travel needs. Free service to you. We deliver. Airlines, Cruises, Tours, Hotels, Car Rentals. Individual, Commercial, Groups. (818) 577-8200 468 S Sierra Madre Blvd • Pasadena LAEMMLE THEATRES ESQUIRE 2670 E. Colorado Blvd. (818) 793-6149 Winner -N.Y. Film Critics Circle COLORADO 2588 E. Colorado Blvd. (818) 796-9704 Kenneth Branagh's Breaking the Waves HAMLET Daily 5:00, 8:30 p.m. Sat-Sun Bargain Matinee 1:00 p.m. Daily 1:30, 7:00 p.m. (No passes or discount tickets) Mints denotes a new announcement. only that he or she is willing to be supportive in this setting. The group usually discusses a particular relevant topic and then moves on to the general discussion. Ketreshments are served. If you would like more information, please call xos31. Fellowships and Scholarships All graduate and undergraduate students are in- vited to enter the hyundar sun Anniversary University and College Student Essay Contest on one of the following subjects: the In formation Society and Humanity; Family and Human Kelations in the 2lst Century; The In dustrial Structure and Occupations of the Fu-ture, Ihe Corporation's Koles as a Global Cita-zen; Sustaining Economic Growth and the Environment in Developing Nations; or Women's Roles in the 21st Century. To enter, complete and submit the online registration form found at http://www.hyundai.net/contest/welcome. html. Entries should be written on one of the six themes listed above and be 15 to 20 A4- or letter-size pages in length, double-spaced, in MS-Word or HWP file format. A 2-page essay abstract should also be included. Application deadline will be February 28th, 1997. From the Dean's Office, 102 Parson-Gates. Calteen students interested in a career-related to environmental public policy and Native Amencan and Alaska native stucents interested in careers related to health care and tribal pub-nc poncy are invited to apply to de named a Morris K. Udall Scholar. The Morris K. Udall scholarsmid and excellence in Nauonal cnvi ronmental Policy Foundation operates an educational scholarship program designed to provide opportunities for outstanding U.S. students with excellent academic records and demonstrated interest in, and potential for careers in the telos or environmenta oublic policy. neal in care, and tribal public policy. All applicants must be a current sophomore or junior pursuing a bachelor's degree on a full-time basis, have an average of at least a B or the equiva-lent, be a U.S. citizen, U.S. national, or resident alien, have a demonstrated interest in a career in environmental public policy or be a Native American or an Alaska Native and have demonstrated interest in a career in health care or public policy. If you are interested, please contact the Dean of Students Office, 102 Par-sons-Gates, for an application. Deadline for receipt of nomination materials to the foundation is March 3rd, 1997. The Dean of Students Office is accepting proposals for the Monticello Foundation Internship and the Robert and Delpha Noland Summer Internships. Three to five Caltech undergraduate women will be given an opportunity to participate in research projects outside of the Caltech community for ten weeks during the summer. Each student will receive a $3,500.00 stipend. Applicants are required to identify the projects in which they wish to participate. All arrangements with the principal researcher will be the responsibility of the student. Inere are no restrictions as to where the research can be done, except that it must be outside the Caltech-JPL community. Other universities, commercial labs, or any industrial facility in which the student can arrange to conduct or participate in DERN CORP 瑚 Pestouran * * Award Winner * * Mandarin Cuisine & Seafood Cocktail Lounge Lunch Specials $475 11:30-3 p.m. Early Bird Specials $650 3-7 p.m. Classic Dinners 3-10 p.m. Food To Go Welcome OPEN 7 DAYS Tel: 449-8018 2475 E. Colorado • Pasadena between Sierra Madre Blvd. & Altadena Dr. Free Parking in Rear a research project can be the site for the expe- rence. Lach student will be asked lo suomi a short synopsis of her report to the Deans Of-rice al the end of the summer. I vou are inter ested, please identify a sponsor for your expe-nence at a research facility for a ten-week pe riod. In a short essay, describe your project, and suomitit to the Deans Officein Koom 02 Parsons-Gates along with two faculty recom- mendaions. Tne Deans would like to now lon whom you would be working, where, and if possible some specifics concerning your pro posed research topic. Proposals must be received by Monday. March sra, 199/. from the Fellowships Advising and Resources Office, extension 2150, e-mail lauren_stolper @starbase1.caltech.edu: The American Association of University Women offers a number of fellowships to women who are U.S. citizens or permanent resi-dents, including one year post-doctoral fellowships and special dissertation fellowships. The international fellowship is awarded to women who are not citizens of the U.S. or permanent residents who are engaged in full-time grade or post-graduate study in the U.S. A poster with a tear on care mat allows you to send tor al application is posted on our main bulletin board. From the Financial Aid Office, 515 S. Wilson, second noor. Ine college women's cud or rasadena Scholarship Foundation is beginning its scnolar shlo selecton for the wy -go academic year. To be eligible to apply you must be a wornan who is a U.s. cuzen. a sophornore of higher, and have a minimum 3.0 G.P.A. Appli- caions are avat able from the rinancial Ald OT fice, and must be returned to the Financial Aid Office by February 7th, 1991. The Korean American scholarshin round?. tion is offering more than 40 scholarships of »IOu or nicher to full-time students of ko-rean American heritage enrolled in at least their second year of undergraduate or graduate school. For an application form, write to: Scholarship Committee, KASF Western Re-gion, P.O. Box 486, Pacific Palisades, CA 90272. Applications and supporting documents are due February 8th, 1997. The American Meteorological Society announces its AMS/Industry Undergraduate demic year, 18 undergraduate scholarships will be awarded. Two categories of students are eli-gible: 1) Students who are enrolled in a course or study icacing to a bachelors accree in mo atmospheric or related oceanic or hydrologic sciences, and 2) students who are enrolled in a program leading to a bachelor's degree in science or engineering. Students in this latter category must demonstrate a clear intent to pursue a career in the atmospheric or related oceanic or hydrologic sciences. Applications and supporang documents are due rebruary List. 1997. The Marin Education Fund announces the opening or its 1991-98 Undergraduate Grani application process. Applicants must be residents of Marin County, be enrolled at least halftime in undergraduate study, and have a low to moderate income. Applications are due March 2nd, 1997. The American Women's Club in Sweden will be awarding a travel grant for study and research in Sweden. To qualify you must be a woman, age 18 or over, and an American citi-zen. You must also be accepted for a period of study or research at a Swedish educational institution or agency and show evidence of financial need. The completed application and all supportne cocuments must oe rcceived Dy April 15th, 1997. The Jewish Vocational Service is accepting applications for scholarships from the Jewisn Community Scholarship Fund. The scholarships are designed to provide financial assis- THE CALIFORNA TECH Caltech 40-58 Pasadena, California 91125 THE CALIFORNIA TECH tance to Jewish students who are legal residents of Los Angeles County, attending college on a full-time basis. Applicants must nave a 2, minimum G.P.A., must be a sophomore or higher by September 1997, and must be able to document significant financial need. The dead. line Tor submission or compicice applicatio is April 15th, 1997. The American Society of Naval Engineers is offering +z,000 scholarships for academic yea 1997-98 to students who are interested in na- val engineering, Applicants must de un zens, must demonstrate a genuine Interest in: career in naval engineering, and must be ar plying for either their last year as an under. graduate or for one year of graduate study do toral candidates not eligible). The deadline to subinit applications is Fedruary 1otn, 1997 1S Sone ing a scholarship program for qualified appl cants who want to enter the felds of cher try, biochemistry, chemical engineering, or other chemically related fields such as environ mental science, materials science, or toxicol. To be eligible to apply, candidates mus be African American, Hispanic/Latino, Aren can Indian, or Alaskan Native, and must be U.S Citizens or permanent residents. Applica must also be full-time freshmen, sophomores or juniors, majoring in one of the above fields and must demonstrate financial need. The dead line to submit applications and supporting docu ments is February 28th, 1997. The Danville-Alamo Branch of the Ameri can association or university woma (AAUW) will be awarding several scholarships o15.00-51.000 to remale collece students w will be juniors or seniors as of September, 199 and who have lived in the San Ramon Valle or have attended school there. Applicants will be evaluated on the basis or scholarship achievement, educational goals, financial need, and campus or community involvement. Ai application package can be obtained from: Mary Ann Osborne, 2330 Koundnill Dw Alamo, CA 94507. Completed applications must be postmarked by Tuesday, April 1st, 1997. The ionn twies Hauceton rund is oftenn financial assistance to students who are Can dian or U.S. Citizens. A minimum G.P.A. of 2.7 is required for eligibility. Criteria other than academic ability and financial need are considered in the selection process. Selected students will receive up to $3,000. To receive an application, send a stamped (U.S. $ ,32), self. addressed, No. 10 envelope to: The John Gyles Education Fund, Attention: R. James Cough Administrator, P.O. Box 4808, 712 Riverside Drive, Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada E3B 5G4. Filing dates for mailing applicati in 1997 are April Ist, June 15th, and Novem ber 15th, 1997. The Chinese-American Educational Foundation announces its scholarship program for students of Chinese descent. gole stucchs are craduale studchis or di dergraduates who are juniors or seniors, and who will be enrolled full-time in Fall of 1997. Eligible students must also be U.S Citizens or permanent residents. There are two $ 1500 scholarships available for gradu- ate students and seven sood scholars available for undergraduate students. The deadline to submit applications is March 31st, 1997. ® The ACIL (formerly the American Coun cil of Independent Laboratories) Scholarship Alliance is offering scholarships for students majoring in the physical sciences: physic chemistry, engineering, geology, biology, oren- vironmental science. Awards are based ondu demic performance, career goals, leadership; and financial need. and are typically $1.000 $2,000. To apply you must be a junior or se nor in undergraduale studv. or a graduates dent. Applications and all supporting docu ments are due April 15th, 1997. @ The Coalition of Higher Education Assis tance Organizations (COHEAO) is pleased to present an opportunity for students to app for three $1,000 scholarships and three $20 runner-up awards. Applications and suppo ing documents are due May 15th, 1997.