California Tech, v. [90:30], June 9, 1989

9-JUNE 17, 1989 LIT WEEKLY VALLEY SOTION TOFR: Toilet Zualty Feedback Report Improve d Comics FE IN THE DREAM CYCLE CONTENTS NEWS, PEOPLE, EMIERTAINMENT, ART AND IMAGINATION FEATURES POUTENESS. MAN HURLS HIS STEEL HANKIE... BONG! 2 Ben Is Here Ben Johnson's victory in Seoul was one of the world's greatest displays of athleticism, but he has yet to receive the glory he truly deserves. BY CHRIS CAMPO, MARK LYTTLE, CHARLIE FRANCIS DEPARTMENTS 2 LETTERS Bra graphs, more 2 LIFE IN TECH BY MATT GROANING 2 LETTERS AT 3 A.M. Wheaties and narrow escapes BY CHARLES MANSON 3 INSIGHTS Senior class elections BY THE ANTI-DAVE CLUB 3 LOCAL HEROES Runner Chris God-Mitd, Pradian bir Mitch Pravica, athlete Andre Ohanissian 3 FILM Star Trek V, Bat-man, and others BY THE FAT GUY AND THE OTHER ONE 4 BODILY FUNCTIONS Laboratories lavatories BY I.P. DAILY 4 MUSIC The Blacker Band BY FRED Critical List BY BOB 5 RTD The amazing year in review BY OUR PALS AT RTD 5 CALTECH The amazing year in review BY OUR PEN PALS 6 CENTERFOLD 7 CENTERFOLD 10 CIT DEE DA BY THE SUPER PARTY ANIMAL 11 COMICS 12 PERSONALS CALENDAR 8 NIGHTLIFE 9 GOOD TIMES 10 COUNTRY, FOLK 8 COMEDY 9 BULLETIN BOARD 10 CONCERTS 8 ATTRACTIONS 9 NETWORKING 10 DANCE CLUBS 8 ART 9 FILM 8 DANCE 9 NEIGHBORHOOD MOVIE GUIDE 10 RHYTHM & BLUES 10 AFRICAN, RHYTHM & REGGAE 8 READINGS 9 THEATER 10 JAZZ 8 TV HIGHLIGHTS 9 ROCK 8 RADIO HIGHLIGHTS 9 MUSIC REVIEW 10 CLASSICAL 10 EXPERIMENTAL & INTERNATIONAL The CIT Weekly is located at 34] S. Holliston Ave., Pasadena, CA 91106. (818) 356-6828; Display Advertising : Don't fuckin' call me! Please address all correspondence to Those Editors CIT Weekly 40-58 Pasadena, CA 91106. • Published once. Subscription price Why? You can take 100 from the lounge and eat free yogurt forever. Don't send us your • Submissions of all kinds were welcomed. Submit to the editor and his desires and include a self-addressed stamped envelope. °1989, California Institute of Technology Weekly, Inc. All rights reserved. The CIT Weekly is an illegal abjudicated(???) newspaper published only this Friday - judgment of the Ben Johnson Superior Court entered June 6, 1989, Case no. A 1, Book no. 1, Page no. 1. • 2 CIT WEEKLY JUNE 9-JUNE 16,1989 Dwight's Best RF Confidential sources close to Page House cerns had finally forced them to quit their have informed the Tech that the cold fusion research. Then Dwight sent them a letter, data released by B. Stanley Pons and Martin briefly explaining his idea. Fleischman was completely false and had no A plan of action was quickly formulated, expermental basis. Furthermore, the two and soon things were underway. Dwight paid researchers were paid an unknown amount the team, then told them to wait a couple of of money by master prankster Dwight Berg, months so that he could "cover his tracks." in what is easily the most impressive RF of In order to cause the biggest possible dis- his career. ruption within the scientific world, it was This fantastic display of criminal ingenui- decided that instead of writing a paper rev- ty originated at the start of first term 1988. ealing the ficticious breakthrough, a press It was then that Dwight, searching for an RF conference would be held. Also, crucial in- that would really screw up the scienific com- formation concerning the alleged "experi- munity, thought up the idea of releasing false ment would be given out bit by bit, to evdence of a breakthrough in some area of further increase the confusion created. science that was currently the focus of much Because the rest of the scientific commu- money and attention. nity reacted quickly and removed most of the The problem of disseminating the untrue credibility to the cold fusion claim, the data still remained, however. Only a timely damage, measured in lost time and materi- suggestion by accomplice Andre Ohannisi- als, has been small. Despite this, the prank an, that Dwight "pay some bozo in some two- is certainly the most far-reaching of any bit college to make the findings public," saved Dwight has attempted so far. the operation from failure. The next stage in- When confronted with the evidence that volved scouring the country for some down- connected him to the fraud, Dwight was not and-out scientist with questionable morals. at a loss for words: "So you found out, big After months of searching with no results, deal. Just because some dumb frosh told you, Dwight was beginning to give up hope. But dosen't mean you can do anything. You can't his luck took a sudden turn when he found do shit to me. What about those people who the duo of Pons and Fleishman. Here were said they got similar results? Similar to what, two men who had just abandoned their lives' a lie? Those are the the guys you should be dream, the creation of tabletop fusion. With going after. By the way, Ben Johnson is a no government funding, they had invested large sums of their own money in a project geek." Neither Pons nor Fleischmann were avail- doomed to failure, and now financial con- able for comment. Ben Johnson 1989-90 will be the greatest year in Caltech track and field history! Many collegi-ate, American, and world records will be set by this team with a rendezvous with destiny! The star of this team will be world class biathalete, Mark Lyttle. After a year with the Saturday meet sickness, he comes back to lead the team. Continuing his fine steeplechase running, Mark runs a 8:52 and wins the NCAA nationals. But the amazing thing is Mark's diversity. He helps the team run to 4x100 collegiate record and runs a 2:12 marathon, outkicking coach O'Brien in the process. "I am capable of great exploits, and Ben Johnson is awesome!", Mark says. World class road racer Chris Campo stuns the world with a new haircut, the Carl Berg-Dave Geraghty hair style! This boosts Chris' confidence, and he beats his nemesis, Em-mit Hogan, at the cross-country national championships with a ferocious kick that demolishes his competition. After being told about his 5 mile time of 23:20, Chris says "Ahhh, truly not bad. Let's go surfin' dude!" Scott Kister does only what he is expected to in the 1500 meters with a 3:40.22, only a Frosh 40 seconds better than his previous best. With real aspirations in the 800 meters, Scott destroys the competition with a 1:47, leading from start to tinish To prove his dominance, Scott crosses the line with one finger raised, saluting Ben Johnson in the process. Dan Flees switches to the 10,000 meters, deciding he likes long, boring events. He manages to set the collegiate record with a 28:02, but decides to quit the team to run marathons full time. "I hate these short &*%$#races!", yells Dan. Chris Goddard sets the 400 meter world record, beating Butch Reynolds in the process. Chris now claims, "I am ready for the 100 meters, although the 800 is my best event." Meanwhile, due to the success of the team, Caltech has decided to let down its admission standards in order to try to with the national championship. Some rumored frosh are: Ben Johnson, Said Aouita, Edwin Moses, Joe Falcon, Sydney Maree, Florence Griffith Joyner, and other decent academians. Letters at 3 A.M. here was this dream and it was the only thing I remember about T living in thi parment, just before l starte kindergarten ike mares it seemed like I was levitating about an inch off my bed. All these snakes were slithering through channels cut in my mattress. They weren't touching me but I was still scared a lot. I looked by the wall and below this poster of a racing car sat my parents at a younger age, maybe a year out of high school, on a go-cart, smiling totally oblivious to what I was going through. I really started panicking when I looked at my door and saw these two inch tall men filling it in with spelling blocks. I feared I would be dead if they filled the door, so I sprang out of my bed and charged at the door. When I hit it, blocks and little men went flying every-where. Looking down to the end of the hall, I saw the pastor of our church, Father Burtenshaw, preaching to four young children. When I came up to him, though, he changed into a horrible monster. Running away i looked at him chasing me and saw he was throwing yellow Nerf® balls at me. I ran into my parents room and told them a monster was chasing me. They looked up and didn't see a mon-ster, but Father Burtenshaw. They told me to go back to sleep, but I went to sleep Well, anyway that was the worst nightmare I ever had, until the lesbian biker gang that jumped out of a van... BRA GRAPHS ARE OFFENSIVE Dear editors: Last Friday as I was perusing that day's issue of The California Tech, I was astonished to find a graph comparing breast acceleration figures on the Jogbra and some generic bra. 1 think I can make up my mind what bra to buy without using some fake graph composed by three horny, oversexed college students. Why you all would even make up a graph like that is beyond me. You three are the biggest fuck-up editors of the Tech I have ever had the mispleasure of reading. I wish someone would put you in your place, and I feel like giving some hints. So like that Biology dude's stupid list of why they plant redwoods next to buildings, 1 would like to include The Top 10 Coolest Ways To Inflict Pain on California Tech Editors: (Due to space limitations, the rest of this insightful letter could not be printed in it's entirety -the Eds) and I think that would really show you all not to mess with such an issue. Sincerely, Fuck You -an offended bra wearer For anyone else interested, we found that ad in a city-wide sports publication, but we sure are thankful we didn't put in the ad included on page 12, because we knew that all of you would love it so much. -the Editors Hey, its my birth day 6.9.69 ACADEMY BARBER SHOP 27 N. Catalina Ave., Pasadena Open Tues.-Sat., 8 A.M.-5 P.M. 449-1681 Rag Time on Green RESALE CLOTHING for WOMEN 1136 E. Green St. • Pasadena (818) 796-9924 Mon 10-6 • Tues-Thurs 10-5 • Fri-Sat 10-3 No Photo Available LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Mark Lyttle, the in-depth editor of the California Tech newspaper, was one of two students named National College Journalist of the Year by the Journalism Education As- sociation. Yesterday, Lyttle said he was pleased and excited by the award. "It's a great honor, and it makes me feel like what I've done has been worth some- thing," he said Lyttle was one of 23 college journalists selected as best in their state, making them LIFEAT TECH CONCIISION MY CALTECH DIARY PART NINETY-BI BY MAH GROENING Aprt/ 15,1988 16 kids got Boced toda including, me. we were a 296 asignment, in the e at 5i00 AM, May 10, 1989 I haven't filled of the apers yot. so Financial Al no call home ars for money. May 24, 1989 Today is drop day. My achison it SHA in zinbabue doin, research. June 4,1989 I'll never pass all my frals Maybe I should kill muself. ASCIT FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIE Baxter Lecture Hall 7:30 and 10:30 p.m. $1 for ASCIT members $1.50 for others Summer Movies Coming Soon! June 29: 1776 WHOOPI GOLDBERG BURGLAR first rate comer bout a second story woma Mark: a Stud finalists for the award. He won a $350 scholarship in March when he was selected as California's nominee. The awards were based on clippings of stories, letters of recommendation and an essay that explained why the student chose journalism as his field of endeavor in college. Lyttle shared the top award with Dan Reese, a senior from Austin, Texas. Both won $1000 scholarships. "I think the award validates what my students are doing," 0198934 MATT GROENING hen, I watched all o Daysor Our Lives" and wa late to Lit 3 again. Mr. late got real mad and to + 05501 even though it was only l0 minutes late. How am I going to pass my frosh Hu manities requirement? 1 andy bare two mon Hil graduation said Hall Daily, Lyttle's advisor at Caltech. Several judges were impressed with his coverage of a sensitive story dealing with the teaching quality at Caltech. Margaret Johnston, chair- man of the selection committee and a faculty member of the College of Journalism at the University of Georgia, praised Lyttle's writing. "The judges were extremely impressed with the strength of his reporting and writing sklls," she said Eds, Pail sooter Scott ste Mathile At least we beat fage in Discolalus! June 14,1989 IM FREE!! PEOPLE LEAVING JIM MORGAN Warren Emery NANCY MATTHEWS BRULE CAIN LIN PARKER MARDA COLLETT PAT A KERIN BUDDY+MELISSA GooD Luck!!! LAEMMLE THEATRES ESQUIRE 2670 E. Colorado Blvd. (818) 793-6149 "Exhilarating!" - Rolling Stone John Hurt Scandal COLORADO 2588 E. Colorado Blvd (818) 796-9704 Ken Russell's film of D. H. Lawrence's The Rainbow Mon-Fri 5:45, 8:00, 10:15 pm Sat-Sun 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00, 10:15 pm Mon-Fri 5:15, 7:30, 9:45 pm Sat-Sun 12:45, 3:00, 5:15, 7:30, 9:45 pm JUNE 9-JUNE 16,1989 CIT WEEKLY 3 RTD PICO RIVERA RESIDENT CAPTURES RTD OPERATOR OF THE YEAR HONORS - Rogelio G. Chacon, a veteran of 10 years behind the wheel of an RTD bus, accepts congratulations from fellow operators moments after he was announced as the RTD 1988 Operator of the Year at the New Otani Hotel. RTD officials presented the 42-year-old father of three with a certificate of merit and a check for $250. Chacon has achieved an almost unblemished service record in his 10 years, and has been a finalist in four of the five Bus Roadeo competitions he has entered. Chacon was selected from a field of 12 operators, each named operator of the month during 1988. Winner of this honor is considered to be the District's top bus operator for the year. He and his wife, Lourdes, live in Pico Rivera with their family. Chacon is an avid baseball fan and enjoys playing classical guitar. a) b) d) e) made me do it. Anabolic steroids Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Victimization Disorder Cocaine My genes the thill of lüdi botpatfaWR！： that still torn if asferos to. thats shillas M 4al then Nasiss at there 4 a free T-shirt brochure, call (213) 659-6463 @SCHOHL 1989 4 CIT WEEKLY JUNE 9-JUNE 16,1989 I PUDDINGSTONE HOT TUBS RESORT 20% OFF with this coupon Private tub rental, Sunday - Thursday expires 9/30/89 Reservations & directions: (714) 592-2222 Frank G. Bonelli Park in San Dimas HAPPY HOUR at the dentist? See Dr. Richard S. Phillips, D.D.S. 1302 North Altadena Drive Pasadena • 797-6778 ew Patient HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL (Tues. & Thurs., 2-6 p.m eaning/Exam $18.00 (reg. $70.0 expires 6/16/89 Save 50% on LASER PRINTER CARTRIDGES We refill empty laser cartridges Hewlett-Packard Apple Wang 100% Guarantee Call Laser Network at (213) 287-0470 Free pick-up and delivery $5 off for first cartridge exp. 8/1/89 Superior Correction: Cindy Scrodin and son, Jerrid; of Longmont, Colo., was also among the relatives that were visitors at the Artie Jordan home in Howard Lake, Minn. Mr. and Mrs. Craig McCullum and daughter of Minncapolis came on Monday to visit the Dave McCullums at the Bill Starke home. Debbie Johnson, Jamestown, is spending a few days with her mother, Marcella Klocke, and family. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton Sicele, Marcella Klocke and Debbie Johnson were among the folks who allended the funcral for Donald Boe on Monday at the First Lutheran Church. Mrs. Merle Longnecker and Kimberly enjoyed the Senior High Music Concert at Central School on Tuesday evening. Eric Longnecker participal- ed. Marcella Klocke, Penny and Debbie Johnson visited Linda Ziegler on Tuesday. Pastor Liebmann visited Maynard Womacks at Valley City on his way back from Fargo on Thursday evening. Saturday moming Ida Womacks drove to Valley City 10 pick up Maynard and later they look in the parade. By Mrs. Ida Womacks Cindy Toben came on Friday to spend the weekend visiting her par-ents, the Bob Packards, Ida Packard, and other relatives. While here she also allended Founders Day. Michelle Pfeiffer was among the confirmands Oth Sunday at the Emmanuel Lutheran Church. Some of the relatives altending were Florena Nicoleii, Mr. and Mrs. Will Schwarz and Joshua of Jamestown, Mr. and Mrs. Ken Lange and children, Mr. and Mrs. Art Eckman and girls, all of Jamestown; Mr. and Mrs. Ben Veisch, Napolcon; Paula Pleiffer, Vivian Preiffer, Mr. and Mrs. Albert Pfeiffer and children. Later they all had dinner at the John Pfeiffer home. Darrell Ludwig was also a dinner guest. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton Stele had brunch at Golden Acres Manur guests of Agnes Wagar on Sunday morning. Later dinner guests al the Clayion Steele home were Florence Stcele. Agnes Wagar, Mr. and Mrs. Bernard Siccle, Mr. and Mrs. Derry Fredrick-son, Delphus Busacker of Nebraska, Nana Bache. Later visitors were Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Weisenburger. Mr. and Mrs. Jerome Klocke, Jesse and Melissa of Underwood came for the parade. Experienced EE Wanted for the Summer We're California Scientific Software, a small, friendly, Techer-run company making the world's fastest neural network software. You're an amazing stud, and you want tr work at the cutting edge of this exciting new technology. You'll help us build an accelerator board for the IBM PC family with both Analog & Digital components. We'll offer you a competitve salary and a large bonus at the end of the summer. Call us for an appointment at 355-1094, and ask for Dave. California Scientific Software 160 E. Montecite Ave. #E Sierra Madre NEW RESTAURANT! La Grotta di Capri Pasta House formerly Americo's Pasta House Discount with Caltech ID: Dinner for 2 for $11.90 includes pasta dish with soup or salad and selected dessert (818) 796-7652 1770 E. Colorado Blvd. Pasadena Ida Womacks and Jim Evanson were among the folks that participated in Founders Day al Central School gym. Ida quilted and Jim did weaving. They had a turkey dinier with all the trimmings. Friday evening Christina Pfeiffer allended a farewell party for Melanie Licbmann at the home of Gary Throl-son. Saturday evening Michelle Pfeiffer helped serve the Founders Day banquet al Central School gym. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton Steele were breakfast guests of Mr. and Mrs. Joe Reininger at the Prairie Inn at Car-rington on Saturday. Emily Hilgers and children, Anna Powell and children all of Moorhead spent the weekend visiting at the Jim Evanson home. While here they also attended Founders Day activities. On Mother's Day Maynard Womacks look his mother out for dirner at the Chieftain in Carrington. Later they visited with Gary VanDe-Hoven. Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Anderson and family of Minot, Mr. and Mrs. Darrell Anderson and family of Valley City spent the weekend visiting Olga Pokomey and the Curtis Steele family. They all attended Founders Day wock-end. Marcella Klocke, Penny and Greg, Barb and Jerry Schuster, John Stein-bach, and Mary Gehriz all enjoyed Mother's Day dinner at John's Coun try House. Later Dennis Gehrtz was a visitor at the Klocke home. Sunday, Mr. and Mrs. James Ferguson drove to Carringion and look Violet Ferguson out for dinner for Mother's Day at the Prairie Inn. Mr. and Mrs. Richard Johnson look his mother, Mrs. Edd Johnson, to the Governors Banquet al the school gym on Saturday evening Sunday dinner guests at the Richard Johnson home were Mrs. Edd John-son, Mrs. Donald Boe and children. Ida Womacks l00k Maynard back to Valley City on Sunday evening. Mr. and Mrs. Bill Starke, Mr. and Mrs. Dave McCullum and children, Mrs. Alber Pfeiffer and children were among the many folks who attended the Founders Day parade. The Starkes and McCullums also alterided the banquet and services on Sunday. Sunday moming Guy Ferguson look his mother, Mrs. James Ferguson, and his grandmother, Mrs. Joe Seiler, out for breakfast al John's Country House. Mr. and Mrs. Clinton Starke, Alyssa and Hillary of Coopersiown came to visit at the Bill Starke home. Mrs. Edd Johnson attended Founders Day services at the school gym on Sunday afternoon. Later Mrs. Johnson attended the family service for Donald Boe at Evans Funeral Home. THE CALTECH BOOKSTORE OFFERS YOU CASH FOR BOOKS SAMPLE TITLES: Anthony's Essentials of Accounting/ 4th ed. Baumol's Economics: Principles and Policy/4th ed. Cohen-Tannoudji's Quantum Mechanics, Vol. 1 Cohen-Tannoudji's Quantum Mechanics, Vol. 2 Kittel's introduction to Solid State Physics/6th ed. Short's Microprocessors and Programmed Lagic/2nd ed. 50% SAMPLE TITLES: French's Vibrations and Waves nausens ne mectatica unwerseraou. ea Hecht's Optics/2nd ed. Kandel's Principles of Neural Sciences/2nd ed. Libons Introductory wuantum mecnanics Mano's Digital Design On books needed by the Caltech Bookstore for next semester's use 10%-40% (NATIONAL WHOLESALERS VALUE) On books not needed by the Caltech Bookstore Although we cannot guarantee to be able to buy all books sold by the Caltech Bookstore, we can offer you money on most. So, come by and see us! BUYBACK DATES: Wednesday, June 14 Thursday, June 15 HOURS: 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. NOTE: Photo ID required for all buybacks (Caltech Student ID or Driver's License) 6 CIT WEEKLY JUNE 9-JUNE 16,1989 PSYCHO KILLERS (not the Talking Heads KILLER BODY COUNT PISSED OFF -ABOUT TYRE OF KILLER PRIME CRIMES! Dau Burke Albert Fish Ed Gein gamend Kemper James Ruppert Pat Sherrill Mass murderer Serial killer; cannibal Serial killer, cannibal Serial killer Mass murderer Mass murderer R. Gene Simimans Mass murderer Shot his boss; caused airline crash with 43 on • board Murdered / ate victims Necrophilia; killed, skinned, ate and preserved the remains of his victims a \ Sexual mutilation murders; matricide Shot family Shot 20 of his co-workers, Shot/suffocated family 2. (officially) 14(6 wounded Having been fired for stealing cocktail money Nothing in particular Not having been born a woman Women's lib; his mother g a nerd Having been reprimanded the & day before for poor job performance POSSIBLE REASONS FOR FREAKING OUT • Too much crack, the PSA/USAir merger; being an unemployed drug addict Had overwhelming desire to eat the flesh of children; practiced self-abuse; small penis Inbreeding, sexual ignorance; vagina envy; small penis 11. Priapism; brain damage; 15 small penis Kicked out of house by bitchy mother; brother asked how his IN was doing; deep paranoia; holiday blues, smai pens -Sucked as a mailman and knew it, hair loss, -small penis Too many guests for X-mas; genetic - inferiority, holiday blues, small penis POSSIBLY INFLUENCED BY The Airport movie series; Pat Sherrill; drugs De Sade Christine Jorgensen; his mother "Sam the Butcher" from The Brady Bunch Wally Cox Sly Stallone; James Huberty. The Beverly Hillbillies HOBBIES Drugs; stealing, from employers 下； Stuck needles in his flesh; created new, exciting recipes for cooking children Taxidermy; tanning, food preservation; arts & crafts Vivisection; torture; animal experimentation Guns; shooting, zit-popping; masturbating Screwing up the U.S. postal system Guns; drinking incest; wile beating -the editors different fonts. ask why the paper is in two so just leave us alone and don't done on the Mac and half doesn't well. So half of this paper was were, we were unable to fix it as fix it and us being the studs we Gavin Claypool, was not there to since our stud office manager, typesetter went on the fritz and together this issue the Yesterday, when we were putting GOOD POINTS Killed himself; saved taxpayers money; pointed up the need 'for better airport security Wrote comforting letters to victims' parents Cleaned up after himself Didn't qualify for the police force Finally stood in for himself Killed himself; saved taxpayers money None whatsoever NEAT QUOTE "I'm the problem." (to flight crew) "It took me nine days to eat the entire body." "Care for some ( my homemade sausage! "What's good enough "for my victims is good enough for my mnother." "Shut, up, bitc (shortty befor hooting who lift. "I've got everyone who wanted to hurt me." Hot Throbbing Rivet, Boyz The Users' Guide to Bathrooms by i.p. Daily 1. The SAC: Not only are these toilets the most comfortable (they conform to your butt like they were designed for you personally), but they are also one of the most convenient. 2. N. Mudd: What other building has bathrooms with the dial-a-gender system, ask you? The marble and wood stalls, nice views, and overall roominess combine make this building number two. Robinson: The auxilliary sink astronomy building contender. 4. S. Mudd: Any non-house bathroom with a shower in it has a special place in my heart. 5. Braun: napkin/tampon Unrivaled in sink design; also has snitary dispenser in handicapped lavatory. 6. Tascit House: Well, it may be dirty, but at least no one else uses it. 7. Gates: Use of stone and tile make for an enjoyable evening of waste disposal. 8. Dabney Hall: Much of the same as Gates, but a tad less interesting. 9. The one across the hall: 'Nuff said. LOWEST AIR FARES LORENZO'S BARBER SHOP Ask for Your Unisex Hairstyling Regular Cut (men) $ 700 Regular Cut (women) $ 800 Style Cut $1200 Permanent Wave $4000 9 a.m. -6 p.m., Monday - Saturday 14 N. Mentor Avenue, Pasadena Caltech Student Discount! $1 off $1 off $2 off $5 off (818) 795-5443 No Appointment Needed Domestic & International Call (818) 794-0210 FREE WORLD TRAVEL 1550 E. Elizabeth St., Pasadena MIS / 4-D Developer Established Recycling Firm seeks a 4-D Manager to supervise the Computer Department. Applicant shall be responsible for coordinating our staff of 4-D Developers and Data-Entry personnel on all projects. Established in 1927, our Company is currently undergoing a complete computerization. With over a dozen Macintoshes connected via Appleshare, PhoneNet, and Tops, we are looking for someone to "Take Charge" and organize the administration of all 4-D development. Applicant must also know Excel, FullWrite, PageMaker, Illustrator, and Hypercard. Salary Open; depending on experience For information and interviews, please call: Mr. Michael K. Stark, Executive Vice President El Monte Iron & Metal Company, Inc. 4441 Baldwin Avenue, El Monte, CA 91731 (818) 444-2531 • (213) 283-7717 Solution or Computer Furniture YES! $179 REG. $225 Q SALES 2341 E. Foothill Blvd. Pasadena, California with this ad 818 449 1590 PUDDINGSTONE HOT TUBS RESORT Summer Concerts Cool Music Warm Water | Hot Sunsets Selected Sundays 6 p.m. - 10 p.m. Reggae blues • Jazz • Rock $5.00 per person Reservations & directions: (714) 592-2222 Frank G. Bonelli Park in San Dimas CALENDAR COMEDY PICK OF THE WEEK RICHARD GERKE One of Caltech's most underrated the new visual charge? He's reached for painters, Richard Gerke turns an im- the spray can, the quintessential tool of portant corner in this new body of the graffiti artist. For the most part, work, adopting a technique associated graffiti art itself turns into flat, vapid with a very different art form to give knockdown-Pop when it leaves urban the approach he's been practicing for spaces for gallery walls; only cal- almost a decade a new depth and vigor. ligraphically gifted graffitists (like, say, His basic formula has consisted of pris- Chas Bojorquez) make the transition matic, sometimes explosive shapes successfully. Gerke isn't concerned described by forceful strokes of paint, with calligraphy, but with the play of color deep and intense and full of con- two and (rendered) threé dimensions, tacts but somehow fugitive, the whole the tension between apparent depth scheme quite solid as a composition but and horizontal motion, the furtive bril- fluid and determinedly tentative as an liance of color. The instantaneousness image. Of late, Gerke has included and luminosity of spray-can acrylic an- pieces of wood, stretcher bars, even swer wonderfully to these require- small frames to enhance the dynamism ments. Do Gerke's paintings look slick of these angular arrangements, but and easy as a result of his taking up this these have proved only partly success- slick, easy medium? Not at all: all that ful: he's better off having put aside this layering and building and piling and approach in most of the work here. The embellishing still goes on in Gerke's art, pieces of mirror he has been embed-and if anything, the spray technique ding in and under the paint remain, makes all this effort - and the pro- however, amplifying the painting's anx- found composition it yields - less tur- ious flicker. What, then, has Gerke gid and more lucid. At Frame House, done - replacing the wood - to gain 341 S. Holliston Ave.; thru August 1 - NEVTONESE is Language of TRUTH, SAFETY, & LEADERSHIP. Newtonian Definitions Agreed at Paris 1901. TREATY M Moral Law was given by Moses. Grace and Truth came by Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Printed material was produced in "Babelese". Now comes Isaac Newton with gift of Mst intelligence t unans. PRINCIPIA (1537) published 76 jenrs afte KJV Bible. MASS (Ms) is "Quantity of Matter. WEIGIT (Vt) is "FORCE acting, on a Ms". Std it is Wt at Std "y" (9.806 650 m/s?) on our home planet. Verb "to mass" is "to measure (or have a)mass (of" Verb "to weigh" is"to neasure that FORCE called Wt" INSTANT NENTONESE: Just avoid using the (usually) UNSAFE words "Wt" and "to weigh". "... let us lay aside everything that hinders..." (HEB 12:1). "...the TRUTH WILL SET US FREE..." (JN 8:32). " High MASS Talk" gets into Adjectives and Adverbs. God's proven natural laws are STRICTLY ENFORCED. Authority figures will speak iTONESE so their hearers will be able to understand readily God's natural laws. Do not be a party to doing murder by bearing false witness with Babelesel This causos confusion and impairs eduçation. In turn this leads to errors and disasters. The XILOGRAM iS UNSAFE as "SI" Metric is UNSAFE. the LB. He must KILL both KILOGRAMS He had the moral integrity to call MASS (Ms) "MASS" On our Hone planet sta its of popular masses are: One KB wins 32307 50 on (1) one Isaac Newton" proved SArest by the ein (E) weighs one NI LB weighs 4.41,8 Qe One LB masses 4.448 Albert Einstein weighs Least work (Castigliano) International Conference of Building Officials CONSTITUTION Lst도는 *UNSAFE! Which State/Commonweal U, NEWTON'S LAWS ARE STRICT WI-LESS AVOIe UNSAFE "W WORDS' "W'"'WEIGH Blaise Pascal! There are truthful, intelligent It really helos to have a Newtonian Post Office. and performs a MASS EDUCATION the DISSERVICE our POSTAL SYSTEM has performed since ot" is DISINFORMATION. One does not the present lies to one's customers! To use the word "SERVICE" with system is FRAUD 14LBsUK)r ist das nicht einStein? Why did Commonwiat were adised that "Wrs) i Measures (Ant I See 8) is sooner Newtonese is spoken the less students trusted the Post Office dictionaries too much. TRUST IN SOD! Unnarried fenale worthy of respect Regest Babelese! Ms is More,! female worthy of respect The only legal definition for MASSES (Editorial Kerision) any other meaning is SPIRII OF ERROR. fusion! Bear NOT witness! Do NOT do murder! ALLAN POE TRUST AND US DEPT OF DEFENSE "US Military Academy")(a joint venture. printing sttuations (some computers). Breat State of Mississippit state. CODE ONLY" iS USEd WICHOUT customers a lot (ZIP+ZAP IS = Massachusetts. five (5) branches of BOSTON P.O. Some people in the Boston area honored CHACLENGER REVISION: Isaac Newton years ago. Newton's monumental "PRINCIPIA" was Year of Our Lord 1687. The folks who the English language have not changed to Newtonese in 300 years! ESCUE THE STUDENTS! Then we can lix a JAr system of MASSES The IB is UNSAFE. The kilopra co)("ST" Metric) (Metric Ar We must buy and sell by approximately 4.448 222 E to the 16-0z "avoirdupois" pound. All pounds our home planet "One Albert Einstein weighs Isaac Newton" masses 1/9.806 650 kg". DELINDA EST KILOGRAWUM EF POUNDU• anno Alomini: IIXMM' y hand ond m RICHARD CARL GERKE, F.ASCE CDR FOUNDATION 91024-2204 • UNIQUE GEOGRAHICH We number one daughter, Marcy Gerke Fowler, in San Marino. She has DRAMA ability. She will assist the Caltech community if y'all will STOP LYING TO MY GRAND CHILDREN. Ms is NOT "wt". Ms is MASS salem, Let Nis be Ms! -Vik UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO FONE OF GLENN MILLER DON'T W! MEM. BALLRO Alumni ¡DO Association JUST SAy "M"! BUY BY E 55 (NET MS) IS A MEMBER IN GOOD STANDING OF MERICAN SOCIETY 345 EAST 47TH STREET • NEW YORK, NY 10017-2398 IDENTIFICATION NO GRADE 164347 ALUMNI BOCIATION CALIFORNIA INSTIT E• OF TECHNOLOGY THIS IS TO CERTIFY THAT Richard C. Gerke '47 LIFE MEMBER ASSOCIATION: CALIFORNIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY N0.930 & CIT WEEKLY JUNE 9-JUNE 16,1989 THIO ARROCIATION I0 A Budweiser PRESENTS HOW TO WIN ussball For a very fast and deadly shooting method, set up the ball with the shooter in backswing position. Then, by positioning the ball along the foot of the shooter as shown, you can fire in any direction with only one wrist movement. 2 Pass back occasionally and shoot quickly from the middle line. This surprises your opponents) and makes more of the goal visible. W Practice bank shots from the middle and halfback positions using the shooting method described in # 1. This is an unbelievably slick shot. AND THEN.. PRACTICE UP WHERE YOU SEE THIS SIGN. BUDWEISER June is upon us, and we, the members of Ricketts House, must say goodbye to many of our friends. Our congratulations go out to RAs Charles and Mellisa Mullins, who survived two and a half years of Ricketts House, a record in recent history. Next year we will welcome a new RA, Heidi Anderson and Andrew Kaluzniacki are departing on good terms, and celebrated by making chocolate mousse for the house. Although this was one of the few non-social team sponsored events we've had this term, Heidi and Drew plan to antagonize Bernie until they get reimbursed $65. Most non-seniors will be shocked to see someone other than Sam Weaver and Gabriela Cornejo living in the guest suite next year. Kind as she is, Gaby has offered to give Cherries to anyone who wants to be a good mother to the cat, of whose 9 lives 5 remain, but so far no one has shown In anguish over his departure from Snatch, Lindsey Dubb has formed the Snatch Renovation Committee. No longer will frosh live in a boring sky-blue alley. Scenes from Dr. Seuss books will be painted on the walls over the summer; anyone interested in participating is welcome to contact Everyone looks forward to the wedding of Dan Raguin and Laura Smith one week after their graduation June 16th; members of the house will be brought very close together as twenty-five or so of us cram in to four hotel rooms. After a long honeymoon in Europe, Dan and Laura will settle down in Rochester, New York, where Dan will attend graduate school and Laura will support him. The treasurer, tool, and all-around twin team Gaylon Lovelace and Jerry Hauck, will depart to 317 Wilson, and never be heard from again. Social events planned to celebrate these and other departures include an RA farewell party; "Scope 'dem Babes at Raging Waters" this Saturday, followed by a Party at the Frame House in the evening; Eric Candell and Heidi Anderson's China sendoff party (well, maybe not anymore...); TWBF; and Papaya night. Whether or not any of these 6 events will actually occur is still anyone's guess; Bernie anxiously awaits input from the members of the house to determine which events he'll actually organize. Our fondest farewell goes out to ex-Scurve and soon-to-be ex-Dabney President Jon Escher Ham-kins, the only person on campus to name a cat after himself. Regarded as the runt of the family, Jon was born September 21, 1968, the last of eight children. Mail sorters in Dabney have determined that Jon has secret plans to graduate this year and attend Berkeley in the fall; he and Joel will remain the only two of the eight siblings to live in the same state. Sources indicate that his main gossip-monger contacts at Caltech, Meera Srinivasan and David Edwards, will provide him with weekly updates of the happenings here. CIT DEE DA BY GLENN TESLER, DAVID EDWARDS, RORKE HAINING, MIGUEL MCDONALD, ALLAN, STEPHANIE, AND STEVE Well, summer fast approaches, and it's time to wax nostalgic- unless, of course, you're Erich, in which case it's time to wax your legs. But I promised to make it short (but not sweet) this week, "The ten most obnoxious things I've said in the Inside World" list. The Senior Party was a great success, considering that few people knew where it was and when it was. Of course, those who did go got to see live alligator wrestling and Tom Tucker having oral sex with a giraffe. I leave you to draw your own conclusions about what connection, if any, this has with the continual screaming coming out of 360. This week is the special RA Farewell Party, as we say good-bye to 2.7 wonderful people who were insane enough to take on the responsibility of living with a bunch of gibbering maniacs. We'll miss you, Pat and Kerin, and may God have pity upon the Kennedys, your replacements. I just want to say that I've really enjoyed writing the IW this year (Todd Kaplan would say I took a real power trip writing it), and I will miss being able to expose everyone's shortcomings and personal lives over the summer while I'm here. But be forewarned: even though I won't be writing over the summer, I'll still be watching - and talking. As Jon H. says, I'm "the biggest mouth in the house." Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? I mean, if it hadn't been for Jon's big mouth, no one would have known that Glenn Tesler took only 90 minutes to complete the AMa 95c final. I mean, who really has the bigger mouth here, Jon? There are still several questions to which I will anxiously await the answers over the summer and into next year, and since "Batman" is premiering tonight, it's only fitting that I end this year as the TV show ended, with a bunch of: Dabney Cliffhanger Questions 1. Will Pete Wyckoff ever know the actual balance in the Dabney House account? 2. Will Alex Dukhovny drop all pretenses and begin dressing like George Lucas? 3. Will Trevor Placker turn to Fascism? 4. Will I ever show any signs of having testosterone? 5. Will Louis ever let Mike Lazzaro live on campus? 6. Will Rob Hanna get one - just one -girl from off campus to visit Dabney House? 7. Will Charles Fu shed his mild-mannered BOC rep personality to become the true full-fledged 8. Will we ever know where Miriam Yee is really going to grad school? Art Zirger, Electrical Engineering. Art is the only money- grubbing electrical engineer graduating this year from Dabney, the House of Math/Phys (and CS). Art's going off to China for a while before he does whatever he decides to do. I guess Art is into turmoil and civil war. (There was a joke in here about an ashtray, but if you really want to know what it was, you can come ask me.) He's going to teach English to a bunch of Chinese students, even though Art supposedly doesn't know one word of Chinese. But that's okay. There are ChE 63 TAs who can't speak English. Bill Flick, Engineering and Applied Science. Bill will be pursuing a graduate course of study in Material Science at the University of Illinois (by the way, Katrin is also going to U. of I. What a coincidence!). Perhaps he will invent the paint that automatically matches the color of the walls over which it is painted. Or maybe hell voyage to some out-of-the-way country to see if he can coerce people into doing all the things he's too lazy to do. Todd Kaplan, Economics and Engineering and Applied Science. Todd Kaplan is leaving this year, much to the relief of Physical Plant and Jon Hamkins, who both thought that the wall between rooms 2 and 4 were going to collapse from too much oscillation under the strain of the tones of Doug E. Fresh. Todd, who could have graduated a long time ago, but didn't want to be "just" an economist (yeah, right, Todd, like that was the reason you stayed), stayed long enough to get his E&AS degree - that is, if he can get his option changed by then. However, after several ill-fated job interviews, he will be going to grad school at the University of Minnesota, despite the pleading of one Kim Border. Maybe that's why Todd's nose is brown. H. Doug Bloomer, Physics. Another Dabney tradition bites the dust with the departure of Doug to graduate school at the University of Oregon at You, Jean. With whom will Al have long meaningful discussions about comic books? However, perhaps in researching particle physics he will be able to explain the seemingly boundless powers of the X-Men. Jerome Banks, Engineering and Applied Science. Jerome is graduating this year. Not to make a "value judgment", but it seems as if Jerome is going to spend the next year productively. Jerome will be working as a longshoreman in New Joisey, before hopefully going on to graduate school in philosophy. Jerome is planning to do his dissertation on the philosophy of fruit (or is that fruit processes?). Perhaps Jerome will put his philosophy degree to the same good use that Patrick Swayze does in "Roadhouse." It certainly would be interesting to see Jerome as the world's best bouncer. I'm sure I must have missed at least one of the seniors, so whoever you are, you can consider yourself lucky. -The Darbinger of Things to Come BLACKER ENQUIRER- all the news and more (Enquiring moles want to know.) First there was Ben. Then the company executives decided to change the formula. The old Ben was taken off the market and the new, "Improved", Ben was introduced to the Church and Hovse of Blacker (The two being One and Inseparable.) The moles did not approve of the change. Old Ben artifacts were sold for high prices on the BlackOR market. The company executives revived the old Ben as .. "Ben Classic." (Then there was Diet Ben, but that's another story.) SCANDAL REVEALED Has anyone noticed a peculiar housing arrangement between those two social moguls Carmen and Harvey? Well, informed sources tell us that they have been living in the same alley for the last three years. Additional digging revealed that in these alleys, they always get adjacent rooms. When asked to comment on the rumors of dangerous liasons, Carmen claims that she has never spoken to Harvey. "I never see him." As for Harvey, he could not be EPSILON ERIK and Other Notable Seniors Erik, with five term projects and a five hour final, all due by today, was caught bridge-handed in the Coffeehouse at nights. John promised to drink a beer a page for his thirty-page term paper. ("I really think it'll help me loosen up as I write.") Ron, bogged down with heavy loads in Badminton and Sailing, struggles to complete his last requirements for graduation and then hopes to move onward to graduate school in Santa Cruz. Hovse Ở Month. (Nothing more need be said.) Braaaaad!! John Salmon is finally graduating, but fortunately for us, he will be staying with us for another year. On the other hand, we are still trying to get YO YO DING-DONG Because of Tunnel's fascination with Bells, the Page bell miraculously appeared there. There were also reported sightings of Elvis. *** was in possesion of it for a while. Wurzel took it from *** and proceeded to ring it. Kevin got wet here, in Page, and in Baxter. Wur-zel escaped unscathed and so, unfortunately, did Remember, you read it here first. Editor-in-chief: MasterMind Sports: Mad Entertainment: Big Al Business: Frog Weather: Red-Haired Frosh from Tunnel JUNE 9-JUNE 16, 1989 CIT WEEKLY 9 CONGRATULATIONS to the Caltech Graduating Class 1989 from Apple Computer, Inc. Don't Miss Out On Your Last Chance for Tremendous Savings Get a Macintosh with Your Student Discount Today The power to be your best.™" CCO Office 158 Jorgensen M LENINIST THE SECRET TH! FUNNIES SPECIAL! LA INSUB THAT MADE A MAN Of FAIRE• MR. EXPLOITED 1S AT OPPOSING MARKET FORCES BEACH WITH MISE AN SHUT UP! l'D USE YOU FOR RAN MATERIALS INSTEAD OF LABOR, BUT LE BIG BULLY! 1'2L OUTGROSS MIM SOMEDAY! YOu PROBABLY DON'T HAVE ANY! ARN IT! I'M SICK OF BEING PUSMED TAKE MEA MAJOR ECONOMIC FORCE! I'LL GAMBLE STAMP! BOY! JUST LOOK AT THOSE FINANCIAL MUSCLES! HA! THANKS, ADAM! FRE TRADE WHAT! YOU HERE AGAIN -AKE THAT, YOU OUTDATED SYSTEM! HERO BEACH OOM, AR. EXPLOITED COLONY! YOU'RE SO COMPETITIVE! MR. LASSEZ-FAIRE! Four-Time Trickle-Down' competition ""M FROM ATLANTA, AND I WOULDN'T KID YOU" REGISTRATION DAY HEY, WHAT'S THIS?!? I DIDN'T REGISTER FOR ANY "SOCIAL INTERACTIONS 1O1" COURSE! HIVE HAD WITH THESE BULLSHIT HUMANITIES COURSES! THERE MUST BE SOME WAY I CAN GET OUT OF TAKING IT! NEW REQUIREMENT FOR GRADUATION! SIGN HERE! WELL, YOU CAN TRY TEST OUT OF IT. TO TAKE A LOOK SAMPLE AT THIS QUESTION! AT A PARTICULARLY PASSIONATE POINT IN THE MOVIE, YOUK DATE HAS THRUST HER HAND INTO YOUR PANTS. YOu CHOMID: (A). ASSUME SHE WAS PROBING FOR THE POPCORN AND REDIRECT HER (B) APOLOGIZE FOR THE HOLES IN YOUR UNDERWE THINK OF BASEBALL PLAYERS RETURN THE FAVOR CAN TAKE PASS /AAE ? DOESN'T EVERYONE? FREE WOMEN FREE WOMEN BUT THEN SHE ALSO NKS LEE IS THE NEW BB. KING. MILO SAID THAT AT A PENCONS UP EARDY ON? JUNE 9-JUNE 16, 1989 CIT WEEKLY 11 ON THIS PAGE. ANNOUNCEMENTS GUEST HOUSE FOR RENT-Rented to Techers for 10 years, available for you on July 1. 2 bedrooms, bathroom, dining room, living room. Within walking distance of campus. Interested? Call (818) 792-6629 7am-10pm. EDITOR NEEDS A DATE- Fairly short, California Tech editor type, seeks short oriental ChE major interested in tennis and soccer. If interested call 356-6828 and ask for Mark. SWF, 5'6" seeks generous partner for hot summer nights. $85 o.b.o (by the way, that's a sturdy, white fridge). Lisa x6188 CLASSIFIEDS THE RIGHT STUFF-Meeting on June 12 at 3pm in 106 Steele to discuss a project course for next year involving the use of controlled aircraft testbeds for experiments aerodynamics and flight control. If you cannot attend the meeting, but are interested, pleas contact Prof. John Doyle, x4808, 307 Steele. ROB LOWE DOES SPECTRE-YOU should lick off your finals and come to the SPECTRE meeting on Wednesday, June 14 at 7:30 pm in Clubroom B(room 15) of the SAC. Our movies will be "The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie," including "Duck THE NIPPLE BRA". Dodgers and "The the 24.5 Century" Martian". Also, the fabulous Rob Lowe video. SPECTRE is the Caltech Science Fiction Club, and is in no way to be associated with any person, living or dead, especially if they've been accused of statutory rape. For more info, call Kram Repool' at 304-0006. 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No charge for on-campus lost & found. 34111766 Crime on campus Part 4 of 4 Sam Custom Tailo 3519 E. COLORADO BLVD PASADENA (818) 793-2582 Hours: 9:00 a.m. - 7:00 p.m. TAILORING for LADIES & GENTLEMEN ALTERATIONS RESTYLING INVISIBLE REWEAVING Special rates for Caltech/JPL community 50x000800000000000000 SPERM DONORS NEEDED STUDENTS • FACULTY Earn up to $105 per week West Los Angeles location call (213) 824-9941 California Cryobank, Inc. Area's largest sperm bank STUDENTS - GET $4.00 OFF WITH THIS AD Shampoo, Style Cut MEN Reg. $20.00 NOW $16.00 WOMEN Reg. $25.00 NOW $21.00 449-6967 1009 E. COLORADO • PASADENA Offer valid only Monday-Friday, expires June 30, 1989 MANDARIN CUISINE & SEAFOOD ENJOY A DELICIOUS MEAL ESPECIALLY PREPARED FOR YOU BY OUR AWARD-WINNING CHEF LUNCH SPECIAL CLASSIC DINNERS 11:30 a.m Co 3 pi from 395 Sun-Thurs 3-10 p.m. Choice of 13 Entrees Fa-Sat 3-10:30 p.m. EARLY BIRD DINNER SPECIAL 3 p.m.-7 p.m. DAILY Choose from 13 items ONLY 495 2475 East Colorado Bivd. (818) 449-8018 (between Altadena Dr. & Sierra Madre in Pasadena) Restauran Free Parking in Rear • Open 7 Days • Cocktail Lounge • Food to Go Welcome OLDEN PARIAN TRAVEL Caltech Officially Approved Most professional, courteous, economical and efficient service for your official and personal travel needs. Free service to you. Airlines, Cruises, Tours, Hotels, Car Rentals. Individual, Commercial, Groups. (818) 577-8200 468 S. Sierra Madre Boulevard, Pasadena THE CALIFORNIA TECH 40-58 SAC CALTECH Pasadena, California 91125