California Tech "Ditch Day Supplement", v. 87:29½, May 30, 1986

EXTRA! DITCH DAY SUPPLEMENT EXTRA! NUMBER 29½ PASADENA, CALIFORNIA FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 VOLUME LXXXVII SENIOR DITCH DAY The Faculty has officially recognized a Senior Ditch Day. This holiday, the date of which is determined and announced by the senior class, is a prerogative of the seniors Other ditch days, whether by class or by section, should not be permitted. Well, Ditch Day struck again this year. On Wednes-day, 21 May 1986, at 7:55AM PDT, some 200 seniors bid nervous goodbyes to their rooms and set off for points sunny. At 8:00AM, the underclassmen got to work on an array of fiendish stacks which required them to, among other things, jackhammer a concrete-filled car, stage a fake toxic-waste spill, assemble a V-8 engine, and even slosh through Throop pond acting like moose. By 5:00pM, every bribe-gorged underclassman had to admit it was all worth it in the end. Herewith, a report from the trenches. The words are those of the intrepid house members who slugged it out that fateful day, the pictures are from whomever we could get good pictures from. If you feel your house is underrepresented, it's not intentional; what you see here is what we got. Experience, now, the grandeur, the spectacle, the all-out randomness that was Ditch Day 1986. BLACKER First came the Associates' Tea. The it was Brad's birthday. Just when you thought it was safe to eat agalli... Captain Neutron (Dave, Tom): And so it happened that on this fated day four warriors, with armor shmms on the sun and-weapons on the ready, were pitted against their arch-rival, Captain Neutron, hoping to rid his ugly face (and his six balls!) from Academia forever. They ventured forth, seeking the legendary crotch-zappers, hoping to diminish Neutron's evil powers (and Sam's bathroom humor). The crotch- zappers worked effectively and efficiently in the dark, eerie SWAMP as the questors tore Neutron's balls out one by one. Though the work was hard and tedious, relief was found in the urinal of the Feynmen and the reward was vast. Thanks to the magnanimity of King Aynuss and his fool Sam, the fruits of their labor will last forever. (MR) Stack o' the Gods (Mike, Nat, Matt, Gumby, Jung): Only eight could share the burden of this monstrosity: Priest, Elf, Dwarf, Bard, Empath, Thief, Mageling, and Riddler. Meeting at the House o' the Month, three of the band crawled into the dungeon as the other five prepared to hunt for clues... The dungeon consisted of five rooms, with many crawlspaces in between. In the first room was a magical helmet which could locate secret doors by applying its two horns and additional "magic cockroaches." The second room was, at first glance, a planetarium. But only by aligning the dome in proper conjunction with the stars could the adventurers continue. Incorrect alignment set off a trap. which forced the treasure-seekers to quaff a "healing potion." Inciden-tally, many traps were set around the dungeon. The third room was guarded by a menacing(?) Robot o' Doom. The only means to destroy it was with the Hammer of Thor, well hidden in the bowels of the earth. One quick blow was all it took to get to. The fourth was empty save for some non-user-friendly device on the door. Despite its complexity, the door opened without much fuss after being kicked a couple of times. The fifth and last cubicle contained a "genetic code" - when broken, the key was revealed. The crew then exited from the dungeon 11lLU the Kitchen o'the Month through a cabinet. While the insiders were laboring inside, the outsiders had much to do. Decoding messages, solving riddles, and coaxing knowledge from various goddesses and priestesses of the Temple of Technology were their main oc-cupations. addition, each member of the band had to carry an identifying object-the priest had his Helmet o' the Gods, the elf her pointed ears, the dwarf his hard hat, the bard her Casio harp, and the empath his "first aid" kit. Inside this satchel were more healing po-tions, and even near-healing potions (drink o' death). The priest had his bi-hourly ritual to attend to; the elf had to have one every time they entered a building; the dwarf, every time they exited a building; the bard, every time she bumped her harp, and the poor empath! In addition to carrying the potions, he Photo Ru Renot Magnusson was a surrogate drinker. Fortunate-ly, they soon ran dry. The final reward was worth the long, arduous day of work- a feast o' the gods worthy of Valhalla was waiting at the end. BJN) Ditch Day Diary(Simon): 7:30AM My alarm clock went off, but I was already awake. Outside my door, a few people were sitting on the edge of the courtyard, but I can't tell how many. I think it's time to take a shower. 7:50AM I join the others, sitting on a bench and looking at the dismal sky. Simon tells me to get away from his stack. Bob, Jack, and Tom are also awake, and are also defensively posing around Simon's stack, a large box with lots of switches and lights under sheet 8:00AM Bob gets tired of waiting and rips open the first envelope. It says to plug in the stack, and to quit if nothing hap-pens. We got work with screwdrivers and wire cutters. 9:00aм Having fixed the stack we get our first clue. We have been transported back in time and space to London a hundred years ago. We are to take clues from the machine and follow them on a map of old London, then place an overlay of Caltech over London and go to the location to find the code to cause the machine to spit out the next clue. 10:00AM back from classt? joins Bob, Tom, Jack, and myself. 11:00AM We are finally starting to find the clues, but they seem to be incomprehensible matrices. Jack says something about "not accep-table," Bob says something not printable, I start to read the L.A. Times, and Tom solves the puzzle, but we find out another clue that vves le Hower willot diy wolk I am puzzled 11:30AM We eat. Or try to at least. Everyone has lost their ap-petite, and can't figure out what's wrong. With the spaghetti. Bob tells amusing stories of how I forced him off the road and gave him a flat tire while we rode bikes around the campus 2:00pm Stack is broken. We go to Marks House to get our beer, but can't find it. We call Simon, and he says he left the key in his room. Two grad turkeys are sitting in the lounse watching TV. Bob asks them if they have a North master. FRANKE SELAX No response. Bob asks them if they are alive. One turns his head slightly and looks confused Everyone but Sue runs out the door. Jack falls down and turns red, making unusual noises. Sue, a more determined sort, accustomed to dealing with grad students, gets them to open Simon's door. 2:05pM We take K.B. lager and chill it with ice in the case that originally held Simon's stack. I like Kangaroo beer cans. They have nice colors. (SMcC) Mad Bog-Abdul (Rob, Larry, Sung, Ted): The secret videotape started at around 8:20. Four secret CIA men exited an elevator and proceeded around the corner-- or so we thought. A few seconds later they marched toward and apparently through the secret videocamera. They eventually sat down in their secret meeting room and said their To the best of anyone's memory, the "enemy" were attempting to steal the plans to the secret Para-Heliotron via sat-telite monitoring trom a transmis sion station in the Alps, by the Super-secret Stealth Infiltrator, and leave the country by plane. It was our duty to stop these spys, or else the power of the Para-Heliotron could wipe any nation off the face of this planet. The Para-Heliotron was one mega-Destructor module. We found the enemy transmis sion station on the top of Mt. Rob-- for Robert Andrews Photo By Bengt Magnusso Millikan. From there we traced a line to an old Coke machine which held the Stealth Infiltrator Remote Control. We also tracked down an assassin, and palmed off of her another remote control which enabled access into her "country." The next step was to find Mad continued on page 12 8 THE CALIFORNIA TECH DABNEY by Alex Podgilman This year's Ditch .and one senior staged a Day DABNEY HOVSE was a tremendous bogus toxic leak to put underclass- success. Seniors silently neater men off the track. out of campus just before 8:00, off - Hal Fishman, to an all-aay party in the Pen- KTLA-TV thouse. The girls from Oxy really •one of the most successful and secretive Ditch livened it up. Days ever The traditional "Stack of held." Death," left this year by Tim Allen, -Joe Mullich, Pasadena Weekly "...mean-spirited, brutal, and devastating to watch. - Elsa Gouldsmid, The Roof over your Head "Exhilirating! One of this year's ten best!" - Roger Ebert or Gene Siskel, Chicago Sun-Times one wun style, dignity, and a clear sense of what is moral and right. resulted in fewer deaths than ever before. The 'wimps''' underclassmen are known here at Cal-teck /sic], were careful especially in walking through minefield; only one ""wimp" the killed during the single explosion they set off, and only two others were seriously wounded. In all, only four people were killed (the other three were due to gunshot wounds suffered Lool entry) before the stack was broken. Tim - Bishop Desmond Tutu "Morgan Fairchild as Mazum-ba the Tribe Woman' was a wonder to behold!" later said that "I just didn't leave enough ammo." Reporters were everywhere evident. They were of -Flip Spiceland, Cable News Network shocked and disgusted by the four burnt corpses laid out in the cour- FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 tyard, so we didn't even see mention of the Stack of Death (typical-ly the best stack on campus) on the news at 6. Radiation Fortunately for the Control District, the reporters were completely duped into believing that the radioactive spill on the quad was somehow related to the Ditch Day festivities. Fast-thinking RCD spokesmen claimed this was "just part of a stack." Later, relieved RCD officials (who declined to be named) told us in private that "We don't expect to hear from the EPA on this one at all." A humorous sidenote on the Stack of Death: despite Tim Allen's generous bribe (consisting of several bandages and some mor-phine), the "wimps"'' that had been working on his stack decided counterstack by leaving the "Cornucopia" counterstack, which consisted of eighteen terminal disease cultures that Tim had to eat before entering his room. Photo By Alex Zorilla Photo Bv Alex Zorilla LLOYD D-day started off the way all days start in Lloyd. We sat down to a hearty breakfast containing essential vitamins and minerals carefully balanced to provide for the exertions of the day. Milk, Life, Corn Flakes, Captain Crunch, and grapefruit. but where were the Wheaties? Dave continued the trend with a $20.00 donuts Tul 10 Win- chells... each one bought and paid for individually. Van Halen at 400 wals per channel (thank you, Alan) was next, to be followed by the toothpaste splat range and the Millikan invasion by pieces of fresh fruit. But where did those blue marks on the wall come from? A series of such tasks gave us clues on how to produce keys from the squirrel house that blocked dave's doorway. We applied turning, showering, LN2 immersion, magnets, sucking, and flaming in an effort to free the keys. Two miles of twine later, the final key deserved the reception it gave Dave upon return-any counterstack, any way. Meanwhile, upstairs we were identifying strange places and items on campus for the Virgin Islands' stacks. Jeanine and Tammy's brain teasers led from the stratosphere (SDI) to the Page basement and covered everything between from physics th late night TV. The key was found all right, inside one of an infinite number of tennis balls all but one filled with bogus keys. Andy's stack was a puzzler as well-who ever the Olive Walk with real snow before? The Ross-Michelle-Amy- VT200 stack led from dungeon to dungeon, and back down the rabbit Mole We an Asteroids video game to fit through an Ace playing card, and spent all afternoon jackhammering our way through a Tempest game of concrete to find a clue which led to absolutely nothing to do with the stack! While these stacks weren't completely broken, the Rogue game inside had random breakers for everyone else's stack bugaboos. Myles' and Yosufi's dream machine involved "A day in the lives of... Hot cars and fast planes, quarterbacks and girls, and the ever-lovely $$$ played a part in the search for the wooden blocks to finish a marble track. When completed, the rolling marbles triggered a siren the likes of which could have brought down the walls of Jericho in one now. This heralded the launching of the Lloyd Explorer, a rocket which (after slight technical difficulties) shot up into the sky and single handedly overwhelmed the unsuspecting troglodytes of Marks. What do the Man of Steel and Get Smart have in common? And where does Rod keep his SCUBA Photo Bv Alex Zorilla THE CALIFORNIA TECH FLEMING by Al Fansome This year's Ditch Day proved to "Into the Room" party at 4:55PM. Stackbreakers claim that time was be tougher than anyone had ex- never a factor. We can all thank pected. A number of stacks re- Frank Kragh for our chemistry mained unbroken, yet the alcohol flowed freely 5:01pM lesson of the day-a human polymer chain in Millikan Pond nonetheless. The first stack to fall was Mike with Harry Gray supervising. The moon, or should I say moons, rose Graham's. After a brisk run to a little earlier than usual-16 of Lacey Park, a team settled down to them at thw corner of Lake and work on his treasure hunt, break- California. (Al Fansome is not a zg i shortly after noon. Ara cooler sucking wimp!) Scott Kassabian's stack was the next to Rowland gave Yong Chu an oppor- fall several hours later. A quick dip tunity of a lifetime. How many in Baxter Pond proved useful in people can claim that they were locating the key to his room. ponded at the Bonaventure Hotel? The remaining stacks that were Thanks broken fell within the last hour, Colelos musical knowlege and Habecker's daring many in the last five minutes. We acrobatics, Mark Ross' stack fell can all thank Sean Eddy for the with "miles of time" to spare. No coverage Fleming Hovse problem. Four out of five senses received for the first brute force aren't too bad, in regards to Ring's, stack in a few years. Sorry about Assad's, and Gibbs' stack. I'm sure the room; I guess people didn't like Clark will be practicing blindfold- the color of the punch. ed Simon all year getting ready for And then there was Janice Pata, next year's Ditch Day. little Dorothy of Fleming While Donovan's, Chou's, and Hovse, and her wonderful maps of Schock's stacks were unable to be Oz. The strawberry pies at the end broken, we all appreciated their of the rainbow proved an ample alcoholic contributions. reward for a day's work. Good job seniors, Santoro's, Tsai's, and Helgren's and good "Into the Night" stack became our luck-you'll need it. FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 9 Photo Ru losh Kurutz suit? Min Sushi was kind enough to provide retreshments for those working on his stack. Thirsty? Try a little of random mixture #5 here The magnetic door had us all charmed, while later clues made us scratch our heads in puzzlement. Eventually the cryptic phrase "HQ Fridge" appeared, and we dared to penetrate the hellhole of the unknown and inedible. More fresh fruit? O.K., guys, but I wouldn't buy a car from you. The Corona brainstormed stack was for those out of their minds-the left halves, that is. Secretaries were serenaded and asked to judge haiku and limericks. "The Owl and the Pussycat" was illustrated, and a spate of sculpting and pasting oc-curred. Not too many eggs were dropped from the controlled car, remote- but who knows what lurked inside the black box? Dara's guinea pig successfully solved the maze, proving that those fat white rats don't know everything yet. At 5:00 the house was littered with bran flakes, discarded clues and the old black plastic we all know and love. We lined up, carefully dressed in Dave's best clothes, to greet the returning beachcombers. To our innocent "Surf's up?" they snarled a reply. "Beach? What beach? I fell asleep pulling onto San Pasqual at 7:47!" Photo By losh Kurutz 10 THE CALIFORNIA TECH PAGE Page House had a great variety of stacks this year, ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. Members of the Syndicate, as well as certain Page social members, were frequent targets for tasks. Let's just give a run down of all the stacks the seniors left for us: Warren rante, Goda, Fred Fer- Pam DeMoor: The task waas simple: assemble a 1964 Chevy Malibu containing four dead aliens in the trunk. From this simple idea sprang hordes of punched- vul. skanking, and INTENSE white suburban punks. This was the Repo Man Stack. A computer controlled the list of tasks, a stereo, an air horn, and the door lock. For every task that was completed the underclassmen received money to buy car parts. At specified intervals, music began and a task was printed on the com- putel screen. For example, the underclassmen painted their hair, made up their faces, and decorated their white T-shirts to the accompaniment of Madonna's "Dress You Up." Unfortunately, the program didn't function perfectly, but inventive underclassmen soon had things corrected. "Let's go do some crimes." Yes, some people did. Plain-wrap items disappeared from supermarket shelves, car air fresheners marked clues, and Pasadena experienced the latest in punk fashion. Did somebody really repossess Warren Emery's car? And did somebody repossess something from Harvey Mudd? Did you know that Ambassador College ejected a group of punks slamming on their campus in only three minutes? What's this kinky business with Parkay, eh Parky? Or that Syndicate Alley has Socialist Party members within its fascist ranks? And their were other weird things going on. Fortune cookies? Sunney Chan? They finally figured it out and formed the final REPO MAN code. At 4:45 the stack was broken by the world's smartest punks. But can they really be that smart if they trash the room and destroy the bribe? This just proves one fact about Caltech: The more you study, the less in- telligent you are. Tim Cotter - Dippy the Clown Stack: The stack started with only a call number of a nonexistent book. By 10:00, the underclassmen had found a photo album and a set of four numbers. When properly interpreted they were ockci 10110c11 and combination. Inside the locker were cards showing Dippy the Clown at random locations on campus. The underclassmen figured out that they had to plot points and draw lines based on the cards. Just before 5, the underclassmen located Jill King, the secretary baby-sitting Dippy the Clown. The bribe was charcoal, lighter fluid, London broil, T-bone steaks, rolates, broccoli, sour- dough bread, milk, orange juice, wheat thins, cream cheese, and porwine cheese. Janet Boley-The Geo-Phys Stack: The stack started by turn- Page House's resident Geophysicist, Doug Schmidt, into an itinerant geologist searching for mineral deposits. Meanwhile, noon-time diners at the Ath got a real treat as Kent Noble, Will Slate and Mike Goedecke modeled women's underwear for their viewing pleasure. After that, Mega got nis wish to nave a leminme dody as he and Fu became female imper-sonators. They then stepped out in grand style by going to the movies at the Venus Adult Theatre. After- displayed their true wimpiness by being unable to crack the simplest of codes. By sheer luck they found out that the room key was behind The venerable Nixon, of course. At behind the poster of Tricky Dicky and the spoils of success were en- Suggs- The Othello Stack: The object of this stack was to beat the computer at one game of Othello. In order for the underclassmen to move, they had to perform several Chen had to bench-press 2000 to San Marino High School at across a rocket on the Page roof which contained the final clue on how to get into the room. Tasks that might have been done were: thesize an illegal drug (he was go- from the Page lawn to the athletic underclassmen who hadn't yet been had to kiss passionately in the quad ly broken, some of the above people willingly volunteered to complete tasks 5-11. By doing these tasks the underclassmen could play Othello. When they won, the computer would tell them where the key was. This key would launch a rocket on the roof of Page. When FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 Photo By Bob Paz retrieved, the rocket told how to open the door (put five volts across two nails on the door). But, JB was wandering around the roof looking for Lisa's key (which he shouldn't have been doing anyway) and discovered the rocket. Steve Molnar, Paul Gillespie, Steve Lalli, Robert Horn-The 2001 Stack: At 4:58 the wimps finally triumphed over a haywire before HAL made John Beck don secretary for the noon hour. Rambo had to prove his marksmanship radical right and staged a pro-Apartheid demonstration. Juniors recruited women for Caltech from cure his case of "Housewives' Syn-drome" by watching Kung Fu in- crew" was supplied with a carb from the gas station manager. Fueled with fuel atomization, the underclassmen began work again on starting the engine. Lacking the correct analytical devices, the team had great difficulty in properly timing and setting the 1gn1-tion. Nonetheless, at 4:00 a grime-covered team fired and started the smoking heap, sending the orange vette across the line in a powerful manner and pulling open the door. Hsiu-Tung Yu and Watanabe- The Pirate Ryoji Stack: The theme was a treasure hunt. The underclassmen were provided with a treasure map, various en- coded messages, and the first and last chapters of the "Adventures of Tommy Love". Once the messages were decoded, they provided starting points to the various strategic points on the treasure map. THe chapters inthe "Adventures of Tommy Love" provided the timed clues. The stack involved several twists: A false set of clues leading to a false key; the confusing role of the strange tennis ball; the clues and jokes broadcasted through the patch box. The stackbreakers pitched in and cracked the stack by around 4:00. The poor bribe found in the room prompted the underclassmen to install a counterstack which succeeded in keeping Hsiu-Tung out of his room until midnight. Supriya Gosh, Steve Hsu, Tom Luke- The Hollywood Sign Stack: The goal of this stack was to change the Hollywood sign to read Caltech86. Although Mike Provica and others had a nice hike on the mountain, the one-to-one mapping turned out to be too big a task. Steve Winters' chagrin, the counterstack did not come together in the two minutes remaining-but the cookies were Brian Burke, Stuart Ray-The Indy 500 Stack: In front of room campus seniors (along with the one disassembled Pontiac V-8 engine Your Engine pr. he ing stack was a race between two toy door. While the seniors' '79 'vette moved steadily toward the top at a constant speed, the "wimp" car (a very studly '62 vette) stayed mo- ly supposed, reassembling and starting the engine would force the ex- from under the door) to drive the underclass car to the finish line. Assembling the car was no easy task, but starting the engine was no less than impossible given that the wimps were not supplied with a underclassmen to pump gas and check tires and oil for ten self-serve customers at Union 76. Indeed, after an hour of hard work, the "pit THE CALIFORNIA TECH RICKETTS FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986] 1 Dhatn Da, Alan yanilla Photo By Alex Zorilla Art Duval did indeed inform us, "Ditch Day tomorrow, FROSH!" and I'll be damned if he didn't turn out to be right. Wednes- day's Ditch Day got the scurves out in force breaking the stacks built by this year's seniors, as well as some of last year's seniors and some of next year's seniors. A good time was had by all-especially those who were around when the bribes were unveiled. Informative Art had a geography/math stack. It involved finding ordered pairs of numbers corresponding to different cities, somehow getting another number for an answer, and getting a final answer that would indicate that his key was hidden in an office in Sloan. Creation of a religion was the object of Saxy's stack. In it, the Prophet of the Crab God lyours truly] had to get ten Crabolyte followers, part the walc of Millikan for Moses, build a Crab God idol, and give a sermon on mellowness to at least 50 people. Test your mood on one of the mood fish included in his otherwise delicious bribe! Down the hall trom the crabs moose, courtesy of Diana Foss and Jens Peter Alfke. Thanks to them, we have 13 new Astronomy majors, a campus full of people who know how moose behave ov Throop pond, lots of others who know how much we want art, and a fortunate few who only partly consumed a yummy bribe. Upstairs, Charles Flaig, double E on the loose, had a neat device to open his door that involved placing plastic solids with coils and l.e.d.'s inside on a box that was generating a magnetic field. The shapes lit up and, if placed correct-ly, opened the door. Another electrical stack was done by Peter Pete Konopka, who required mercury to be poured into a funnel; when it reached its receptacle, it carried a current which triggered a solenoid that opened the door. Joy Watanabe forced a sizable group of people to decode a cryp-tograph that led to other clues lying about campus. These found, a laser structure was set un on a campus map that gave a subtle clue to the location of the key. In Crud, Bruce Tiemann had a stack that included juggling, perhaps mineralogy, and the identification of a few liquids. In the end, this proved to be too difficult. Robin's stack entailed puzzles which had clues drawn on them, which led to other clues, which led pictures of birds, which somehow led to her enormous bribe at the Annex. On a different note, Charles Hershey's stack involved handcuffing your lull taping Dave Nice to the women's locker room wall and making Triprod Rossiter write down the words to Legal Tender, a song by the immortal B-52's. Charles wak not able to be counterstacked due to time contstrants of the treasure hunt part of the stack. (Too Bad!) Bob Bolender's tasks were not completed even though SWaka and Windsor worked hard on the plane. Saturday, Bob attempted to prove to the world that it is possible to make a glider that will fly 20 seconds- tune in to next week's Inside World to discover the amazing results. Thanks for sharing the bribe anyway, Hion Kill kanks was "counterstacked" even though his stack was not broken. It required that people steal clues from others' stacks. (For details see p. 2 of Friday's Tech). Oliver Collins' deadly-looking oil drum was never broken and the earth is probably a safer place for that fact. Satisfying his stack, others catapulted a melon from Millikan to the Olive Walk and filled about 30 bags of hydrogen and helium. Sylvia Ludeking had a wonderfully delicious stack that merely required that people go to the frame house on wheeled vehicles and eat truffles. It was not broken due to chronic apathy and/or ignorance of how good those truffles were. Marc Herant's speech recognizer stack may have been broken; it had Remy talking into it, saying various phrases with his French accent. John Wright's stack was not worked on since live people could not be gathered to eat ten pounds of fudge; this may not have been the way John had intended his clues to read. Dhoto Ru Aley Torill. Dhate Du loch Kuruta -Joshfrosh Photo By Bob Paz 12 THE CALIFORNIA TECH RUDDOCK waiting, waiting for 8:09 for our by Buford Shakespeare So, here I was just flicking around in 4.5, minding my own business when Moldy says "Nik, the Tech wants you to write the Ditch Day Inside World." So I say, "Shit." Ruddock was in fine form, to say the least, as for the Seniors, disorganized to say the most. Fake Ditch Day seemed to go off much more smoothly, thanks to Eggs. Ahh, but the true day finally arrived and none the sooner; anxiety was running high, as was the an-ticipation. Tension was thick in the air, you could cut with chainsaw -would Bonzo make it off campus in time? There were many an empty tree waiting, but alas, he did. Sigh Looking down Alley 4 we see Taney & Po's masterpiece sitting serenely, with not the slightest hint of ream and humiliation, but ap-pearences can be decieving, as we soon found out. Look, over there we have Sam's Life in Hell and behind comes the powerful Doughfaggot Video Stack. Ahhh, more fun for the Rudds! Hey, there's Moldy's, sitting and waiting for all those who dare challenge. But wait, we musn't house, the Cornucopia stack, but more on this culinary delight later. As far as the underworld goes, Alleys 1, 2 and 3 bore witness to Sceptor, and Alan's "Back to Joe's future." Karen placed the entire burden of her stack on poor Mary-Lou's shoulders?). rats have Imagine, all that responsibility given to a humble ro-dent. Lest us not leave out Rajiv sure what the hell theirs was about. Oh my, its envelopes are being gleefully, and thus, the ream first to exclaim -"I gotta do what?" begins —he may never be the same. stack is going, Sam's music is blar- ing and In Alley four, BLACKER from page 7 Dog-Abdul, the information and munitions supplier. Knowing that he was a Coke addict, we were easily able to bribe him for clues and ammo. By noon a second transmission had arrived, telling us the location of the enemy's airfield. Untortunately for us, we spent loo much time on lunch, for the plane had taken off just as we arrived. Four suspiciously familiar faces were glimpsed from time to time. At first, we slung anti-aircraft records at the plane, but we soon resorted to higher caliber ammunition and used anti-aircraft beer bottles instead. Ling's well-placed aim on its tail sent it spiraling down to its doom. But it was too late-the dians had already left the country. Now it was necessary to enter and steal the plans back. In the plane were plans on how to find the Super Secret Stealth Infiltrator and a map to the enemy's country. The Infiltrator turned out to be a green bowling ball, but despite its looks it did the job. Using the control taken from the assassin, we literally broke down the door. At this point, the sirens went off and the Para-Heliotron turned on. Entrance by possible. With the use of the Secret Stealth Infiltrator remote control Alley gets to enjoy the wonders of the Kobayashi Maru, Star Trek Stack Extrordinaire. Certainly not nerdly as we found out when the Public Humiliation Task list showed up. Lets hope Craig recovers from his Big-Mac Attack at the local Burger King. "Damn punks, why don't you act yOul age.. ." Hey, fuck off was the general attitude. Ah, Alley 4. Tugboat made a profit, at the expense of his dignity. But hey, the Pantry got to enjoy the line strains of music emanating from my ream-mate's horn. But, then again, he could always blow his own horn. Deke? Well, Deke was white for the day, which is amazing if you know Deke. "Ta ta fellows, its time for tea... " What a fine young preppy despite having to eat tie watermelon. Joe enjoyed hi: first romantic dinner alone with Thu. Too bad the noodle got stuck up his nose. Can you please make him do that outside, Thu? Biff, Eddy and that damn ornamental language of theirs. Get a dog, Callaway. Hope you enjoyed the fries and coke, Hos. Love those one liners Vax. But you had best get blaring lessons from the Alan/Joe thing. Mike, we're still waiting for your task to be com-pleted. Alley 4 lounge would make a fine place and we could charge admission. The Oriental Mafia entertained the Pasadena Mall with Heartbreak Hotel and lest we can't forget Capt. acnaener. making friends and picking up old ladies at the Pantry. Ah, Spaghettios, what a wonderful thing to shaft. As for my task? Well, just ask Cynthia but its not clear she'll talk. Kiss & Tell is a no-no. Stopping traffic can be fun. In the end, we reprogrammed the stack (beep) and the door opened with a bang. Beer all around. We love you Taney and BPo. Hell if I know what happened with Sam's stack. I was at the beach all day getting clues. By the way Jon, IlD Topanga SO, NOT Topanga 50, so fuck you. My roomate most certainly relished to opportunity to listen to his most favortist group in the whole widest and a small hole of Vulnerability, the Stealth Infiltrator ran a series of ramps, chutes, and secret walls before reaching the elevator which turned off the alarms. desperate attempt to appease the victorious counterspies, a massive payoff was left before the enemy fled to safety. There were enough potions here to heal a hundred Adventurers o' the Gods... (AW) Hull University(Dave): I feel sorry for the "wimps" who had to do this one. While everyone else was out having fun, they still had to go to school; in fact, to graduate, they needed to finish 516 units in TIe following required classes: KYC 101, Physics, MathCS, miscellaneous, and electives. KYC (Know Your Campus) was your basic treasure hunt, not much unlike the Espionage Dance. Each item found was a clue for the next course, Math. Finishing the math problem was a snap once the KYC course was completed. The Physics consisted of transferring a string from the South House roofs to the top of Firestone - without actually touching the string. Seconds after the string was rolled onto a spool, it became an inter-building telephone line. There were several electives. Forensics: the first item was to go to a nearby restaurant (Carl's Jr. served the purpose) and make a dinner chain announcement. Literature: The group then set down 1001 words of fiction. Nutri- FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 world -Journey, since Amy was out walking the streets in Van Nuys for Taney. Look for the Halloween party next year and for all the people from the mall who were invited by alley five. I want my Tequila shots, NNOOOOWWWW!!!! Ralfgang surely ejoyed immersing himself, and Betsy just may have lost the bet, all those gorgeous, fully tanned young men to autograph her notebook. 00 believe got some numbers as a bonus. phone Kool videos Doughboy and Company, though its too bad the media didn't appreciate Future Sex, tion: Feeling hungry, they ordered pizza from a nearby take-out in but take heart, the rest of Ruddock did. Tooks 11ke some strange species of Penisaurus! The stack was fun, the questions were ream-ing. What is the difference between an orange? I still don't get it. The stack was broken with all of 10 seconds to spare with the help of 4 brave streakers, who went to GREAT LENGTHS to enter Eric's Bonzo? Well, Bonzo's stack left much to be desired, especially after Biff "wallowed" in it. Get me bucket, I'm gonna puke!! But Sir, it's only wafer thin. Alas, Bonzo's was the only one not to be broken other than Mr. Hull himself, the "Wine" tasting: Consumption of a half bottle of rum was the requirement for this class. PE: Each student was required to either a) run five miles, b) swimm 400 yds., or c) find a willing virgin. Literature through 150 pages of trash novels. Communications: More writing was required, but this time it was in the form of letters to persons were Finally the CS project came up-decoding a message with a "trap- ceremony took place at around now-rebellious graduates had no choice but to eat, drink, and leave Hull University Function of 3 memorized to nineteen digits, but some mystery caller claimed there were five, not six, seniors. This had us pulling our hair out until Doug called back and was indeed a liar. By 4:30 we had managed to crack the code (Thanks to Doug) and quickly finished the appropriate clef o' doome with 15 we broke in to find only beer, Imagine! No sodas! Dismayed, we took the bribe. Thanks guys! Com- Kurochans from Saturn in their reign of terror over the urban residential areas in America (or dollars, an extended dance version of "Nuclear War" by Sun Ra, and a 4-pack of Bartles & Jaymes). stack, a veritable "magical mystery obscurity rocket trip" had the crew confounded all morning. In short, all the pictures weren't a zeta or a delta but some biblical verse (?? Where is Kathy?). Beer #1 had a key but was not the key and there are an infinite number of ways to get "Berkely" to spell "Blacker." Suman loses big sports trivia points because the Vikings lost 4 Super-bowls but we all lost because they won 0. Huh? Naturally, though, established after difficulty thinking at early hour (bailout clues provided by agents LH and MTY were sarcastic but necessary). Frog suc disks and Casio keyboard (for in-knowledge of the Kurochan's love Phase 2 (9:30-11:15AM) Oh well. And just for the sake of rigor, let it be known that the PGR stack was broken well before noon. Hey, did Anervand ever get into his room? Ask Tupher and Sheeman for the details. All in all, 'twas a fine day in the ol' Ruddock. More fun than any single group of humans should en-joy. And Juniors, don't even think it during dinner... PS-don't park in the Ruddock courtyard or the TROJAN shaft may find your Doughboy... car. Just ask ble jumble of notes which had to be deciphered into coherent tones and played into the control board hideout). Everyone begins to lose their patience-particularly those who had no sleep-but after much cussing, arguing, and singing ("Do- -") the first sequence is entered. The first two lights go on. Next clue: A strangely furred bird? Annoying plucking sound? Time kiwis on campus and at the Pantry, a bailout clue from LH/MTY led to the harpsichord. Then to practice room piano. Then on a wild car chase through San Marino, past Southern Mansions, and gopher found that "Row, row, row your boat" was the next sequence. Yes! Light ffi3 turns on. Next disks offered a clue leading through the aftermath of 50 Days to five milk glasses with numbers and lines go- short amount of time, we decided to fill the glasses with water up to the lines, and then play them in the order of the numbers listed: "O When the Saints Go Marching On" computer - ERROR. How many errors before we blow THE CALIFORNIA TEC FRIDAY 30 MAY 198613 -FEATURES You To Your eturn Tech Scheduled aT. Core from page 1 providing some wild more theoretical approach than at other schools. It will be the responsibility of the professors and the students in courses such as Phl to ensure that professors teach mathematical techniques which students are unfamiliar. The Committee thusiastic about the growing use of ombudsman systems in the various divisions. The hope is that these systems will provide the rapid feedback needed to avert some of the problems we have had in the past, such as Ph2 which was singled out as an example of a class which simply overworked a large fraction of its students, possibly to the point of actually reducing how much they learned. Finally, the committee addressed the problem of the "Caltech Syn-drome." They noted that it is very easy for professors to give more work than most students here can handle, because both the faculty and the students are supposedly very smart and motivated. Similarly these bright and motivated students frequently get themselves in trouble by taking many more courses than they can handle. All this can lead to destruction of this motivation, with which so many of us are familiar. Hence the committee encourages teachers to think more carefully about the amount of work they assign, particularly during midterms. The overall reduc- tion in units required, along with a reduction of the overload ceiling would encourage students to set Mole reasonable largels for themselves. The Ad-Hoc Curriculum Committee report should be available in the student houses and the Dean's office in the near future. "It's the Law" with Mike Roberts We had driven east through the The Dabney 1n Nebraska was hundreds of miles behind us. We were proceeding as rapidly as possible to the east coast, where my arch-enemy Dr. James Xi was on the verge of purchasing DabniCorp at the New York Stock Exchange by acquiring a controlling interest in the corporation. His stated plan was to charge the purchase using his bogus DarbCard™ The caravan of vehicles rolled down the road, the red and blue warning lights of their Secur Alert™ Il light bars blazing. As we ap- roached the New York state line another line of emergency vehicles joined us; the newcomers were from the Northeastern Region security forces. The sun came up as we were rolling into Manhattan. I drove to our lot and pulled in; the line of unmarked white vans followed. "All units check in, l radioed. Each unit called off its codename over the scrambled FM channel until the whole caravan was accounted for. We waited a couple of hours before hearing anything from our scouts. Finally, about 8:00, the message came in: "Scout six to caravan," a voice said. "Caravan to scout six; we read you," the replied. communication chief "Caravan, I have a Xi sighting, the scout said. "My coordinates are one five three eight two mark three six. Xi is travelling east on foot." I got out the bullhorn. "Atten-tion! Attention! We have a Xi sighting! All units prepare FREE DELIVERY Happy Hour Monday and Tuesday Beer on draft and wine ½ price PIZZA Free refills on softdrinks CALL 792-5984 524 S. LAKE AVE. PASADENA Just north of California ALL YOU CAN EAT SPAGHETTI AND GARLIC BREAD $2.99 15% DISCOUNT WITH STUDENT ID NOT VALID ON DELIVEKY OR ANY COUPON OFFER $2.00 OFF Any 16" Pizza or $1.00 " off any 12" ONE COUPON PER PIZZA COUPON PAPIS 0 0 0 FREE 6-Pack Soda With minimum $8.00 order NOT VALID WITH ANY OOTAEK COUCON OFKEK ONE COUPON PER PIZZA LOUPON UXPIRES O-UO-00 $3.00 OFF Any 16' Pizza Minimum of 3 Toppings UNE COUPON PER FILLA COUPON EXPIRES 6-06-86 move!" I announced. Drivers leapt into their vans and started their engines, slapping magnetic "RCD" symbols on the sides as they got in. got into my car and hit the Secur Alert III switch. Lights flashed down the line of vans as we pulled out into the street. "Spill team," I said over the radio, "you're go for spill." "Roger, go for replied "Spispill," they three...two...one...we have a spill, caravan." We swept through the streets of New York. It was the height of the morning commuter congestion, but the brute-force traffic-clearing light-power of the SecurAlert III's kept the roads clear in front of us. We arrived at the spill sight in a matter of minutes. An overturned truck (the spill team's) was leaking green liquid and spewing vapor into the air. A huge cloud floated near the van, drifting menacingly down the street. Crowds were starting to gather as we arrived. The vans screeched to a stop in random patterns nean the spill. Vanload after vanload of safe-suit-clad cleanup workers went into the spill zone, as other vans unloaded crowd-control agents clad in blue unitorms and riot helmets, who announced to the crowd that "There is no radiation danger," and 1e- quested that they "Please move along." It was quite a production. I sighted Xi nearby. He was trying to slip by the crowd, but it was quite large. (Many members of the crowd were Dabney Security agents, of course, put in place to help make the crowd larger.) I radioed to the medical team, who quickly sent a medical team over to Xi. The medical leader took Geiger counter over to X1. "I'm with the Radiation Control District, sir," he informed Xi. "You're con- at leo. and you'll need im- mediate treatment. Please come with me " I ran over to an ambulance and drove over to where Xi was standing. "Contaminated?" Xi "Really? With what?" asked. "You'll have to come with us, sir!" the medical technician told Xi in urgent tones. Several other medical personnel appeared and grabbed Xi, throwing him into the back of the ambulance. As soon as the door was closed, I pulled away from the spill scene with the siren going full blast. The agents in the back ad- mnnered varous ureautical 10 Xi. In the course of doing so, they exchanged his briefcase for an identical copy. The briefcase con- tained the DarbCard™, of course, that Xi would use to buy Dab-niCorp. Having secretly switched the briefcase, completed, so we pulled into a hospital and released Xi. To my dismay, though, rather than allowing himself to be wheeled into the hospital, Xi stood up, walked in front of the ambulance, and motioned to me, smiling. "You'll have to do better than that, Mr. Wayne, he said, and broke into laughter. I started to get out of the ambulance, but he ran off. I chased him on foot. He ran down the street, and started to turn a corner; he looked back first, though, to make sure I was still following him. I started to catch up, but he started to turn another corner, again looking back to make sure I was there. This went on for miles. Finally, I burst out into an alley, expecting him to be at the far end again - but he was right there. Along with three of his operatives. "Mr. Wayne, I'm afraid you have failed," he said. "I will pur- chase your little company, and there's nothing you can do about it. Come with me." He walked down the alley and out onto the street. There, on the corner, was one of those new Stock Market Automated Broker Machines that were popping up everywhere. slot was marked "Insert Credit Card." He put his DarbCard in the slot. "You're not going to get away with this," I said, inching toward Xi, which motion his operatives immediately attenuated. "On the contrary, Mr. Wayne. I just put my DarbCard into the ABM, type a few numbers," which he did, "and in moments, I own DabniCorp." He waited for the machine. The screen said, "Pro- cessing Transaction-please wait." Xi was snickering fiendishly as the machine clicked and its flashed. Up on the screen came the 11leosa2e. "Transaction cannot be completed- -please call for intor- mation." Xi's expression suddenly changed from glee to confusion. He picked up the phone and waited for it to ring. noticed, but did acknowledge, the presence of one of those unmarked white vans, which had arrived a few minutes before. A small earphone-receiver I was wearing was in contact with the van; this allowed me to hear the conversation as it happened. "You have reached the New York Stock Exchange Automated Brokah Machine Control Centah," the man on the phone said. "What is the numbah of the ABM you are currently using?" Xi looked around the ABM. "6713," he said. "One moment," the man said. After a few seconds, he came back on. "I'm afraid we can't complete that transaction," he said. "I demand to know why!" Xi yelled into the phone. Xi's operatives had started to become confused, looking toward their boss, so I took the opportunity to slip away. In a few moments I was in the van. A man we had recently hired away from a bar in Boston was wearing a radio headset. "One moment, sir, I'll ask my supahvisah," the man said with a thick Bostonian accent. After a pause, he continued. I watched for Xi's "We don't take DahbCahd heah!" he said. Xi slammed his fist into the ABM, and threw down the phone. "Wayne!" he yelled loudly, realizing I was gone. As the van slowly pulled away, Xi ran after it, yell-ing, "You've won this one, Wayne, but I'll win the next one! Do you hear me? Wayne!" The van slipped away into the heart of the city. I pulled off a latex mask for effect, then sat back and relaxed, my mission completed. So, Patrick J. Wayne's saga comes to an end, at least for the time being. Thinking back over the story, we've seen quite a lot -flying bicycles, evil credit-card forgers, flamingos, Green River (Utah), the Post Office's new "Zip + 4M" plan for improving postal efficiency, and a Host of your Favourite Stars. Yes, we've seen things that made us laugh, and things that, well, made us think a little. It's hard to believe our time is up already, isn't it? So, by way of parting, I leave you with the famous words of one of our language's most gifted poets: "I fell off my chair, Brian!" 14 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 The Inside! Vorld Dabney: Dabney Counterintelligence agents this week broke open a plot to bring about the demise of the Last Bastion of Humanity at Cal-Tech. Unconfirmable sources have revealed that the nature of the plot was to slowly infiltrate the House with DARBS, whose increasingly obnoxious, anti-social, or just plain wierd behaviour would subliminally fill those around them with existential despair, bitterness, and confu-sion. Thus disarmed, the beautiful people would be quietly removed to the comfort and serenity of a lakeside sanatorium high in the New Mexico mountains. Counterintelligence agents, who refused to be in-terviewed, disclosed that subtle behavioural clues collected over several weeks gave the Darbs away. "Operative J," the name by which agent Mike Roberts requested to be called, claimed that the purported Darbs "appeared dazed, even while asleep, said 'What...' a lot, and counted high numbers, skipping multiples of ten." "It was a very unprofessional operation," said Tim Allen, noted Darb-Buster. "You could see right through them." The Darbs were collected in a clean-up operation Thursday. They were taken to Ruddock House, where they were bathed, fed, tortured, and held for observation. Dabney Counterintelligence celebrated the victory with a party at the Penthouse. The Oxy girls added spice to the fete by allegedly removing every last bit of their alleged clothing and reportedly degrading themselves by allegedly begging for the purported love rod of an allegedly frustrated Insideworld contributor (who has since been surgically removed). - Random "Tuesday" Weld Fleming: Just a few short weeks ago, Fleming began its final, ir-resistable march towards the total domination of Interhouse Sports with an easy win over the Moles in football. Apparently the Scurves were notified of our prowess, because come game day a couple of days later, the Scurves were out forfeiting like maniacs. The Thundering Herd then took a rest for a week, and obviously fell a bit out of practice because we let Page within five points. Actually, the game was a lot closer than that, and without an awesome last-minute interception by Karl Clauser and a crucial diving catch by Brian Brunn (causing a mild concussion, he found out later), plus the ability of our team to get going when the going gets tough, all would have been for naught. The final touchdown came in the last ten seconds of play, with Ed scrambling out from under a heavy rush and connecting with Jonathan Brown for the crucial six. The next day, along came Ruddock with another damn good team, but, alas, Fleming made a misjudgement of character. Along came the Boys, offering to ref the game with more experienced refs than the Moles could provide, so naturally we agreed, knowing that a well-reffed game would be appreciated by everyone involved. Naturally, the Boys' refs, led by Bineet, scooped up their various grudges against Fleming Hovse in one hand and their whistles in the other, and proceeded, through an obvious disregard of the ideals of sportsmanship, to infect an otherwise spectacular game with egregiously bad and occasionally blatantly fallacious calls. I, for one, had expected more of the Boys, at least as fellow sportsmen, but I guess it's just too much to ask. Oh well, off to greener pastures. Ditch Day was indeed tomorrow. Thanks to all of the seniors for the time and effort spent. Memorial Day brought out the Fleming and Darb cycling teams for a little jaunt around the Rose Bowl. Laffoon and Baumer took first and second, with Scooter riding on guts and torn knee cartilage for an impressive sixth place showing. McAdams and Highstrete tagged along at a goodly pace of their own to nab eighth and ninth places, enough to keep the discobolus trophy in its year-end resting place. Fleming's own Classic C League team bottled up New Formula last Wednesday, basketball. reaffirming Classic's domination of GSC C League The social event this Saturday is a Fleming-Ruddock-Page party at Ruddock, including a live band. I, for one, wouldn't miss this one for the world. Ha Ha Ha. -Al Fansome Lloyd: Way to be, Seniors. It's difficult to imagine the house without you, but you should get out and have some real fun. Go kick some butt Thanks, Mom and Pop, for the 10:00 desserts and fine conversa-tion. Room pick lasted an amazingly fast hour and a half; credit is due to our super-efficient secretary. And thanks to all who made the Banquet. After a perfect record in IHC tennis (stunning leadership provided by Ashok and Tammy), the big Lloyd machine has achieved a 3-2 football record. The victory over Blacker was truly a cliffhanger, and the Ricketts game featured the awesome senior scoring festival, led by Myles, the main man of football. The real test will be Monday in a battle with Fleming; everyone should be there. Wear something red. Can the 3-on-3 tourney be resurrected? We're going to try... Ross and Michelle hear wedding bells. - The U2 fan club Page House is almost mildly distressed to announce the death who died this term at the tender age of three years. Her remains will be scattered after a short noon service on Sunday. Raffle will be held to determine those privileged few allowed to attend this gala affair, enter soon and often. Cynthia is survived by her father, Daniel P. Schwartz, who was so distressed by her death that he almost considered employ-ment. Known friends in mourning include Dr. Christopher Brennen, certain members of Ricketts Hovse, the members of Club Mich, and the Acme explosives company. We'll all miss her, may she rest in pieces. Congrats to Z and the Red-shirted Pansies on their win in Interhouse football. Fortunately Sean Eddy's "Class of Gods" was in a magnanimous mood, allowing Page Frosh to defeat them 42-zot. Perhaps next year's Interhouse contest won't be decided in the last ten seconds. Oh yeah, about Ruddock. ..JUSTICE IS SERVED. Fact: L Two Day Weekend (Saturday starr) • Two Day Weekday (Monday thru Thursday start) C Three Day Clinics (Saturday and Wednesday starts) • Five Day Clinics (Monday and Friday starts) Age Date you would prefer Ruddock beat Fleming Page beat Ruddock Therefore - by E-Z logic - Page is the best team. You're such a whiz at proofs, Ed, we luv ya. Putting friendly rivalries aside, let's all get psyched for the Page-Fleming-Ruddock party this Saturday night in the Ruddock Courtyard. In Other News: Page would like to welcome back the newlyweds, Jimbob and Dugen. Next time guys, take better care when greasing each other up. Quantum slept in the halls, Larry says "Teddy Lives" Lloydies beware: weathermen predict shopping-cart front moving in And! Bunny toes up to the plate: One, Two, Three…. YER' OUT! -Yoda and the Crew Caltech is an institution based on truth (The Truth Will Set year, however, forget both of these values. While the exact wording of these rules is not available to us, we will provide an overview. ® The Gag rule is in effect. This passed at the IHC with a 4-2 This rule prohibits anyone from talking about a house he does 2 An IHC-appointed "police force" will listen in on other house's receptions for the freshmen and report any findings to the IC chair-man. Apparently, the IC does not trust the houses to follow the spirit of the rules. This passed with a surprising 6-1 vote I do not wish to belabor the rotation rules (yet), but I believe the incoming freshmen can make rational decisions about other houses, probably even better choices, without the gag rule. Who is rotation for? Houses which apparently have something to hide, or the freshmen who have to live with their decision? Congratulations to our frosh for a well played game against the Fleming frosh. Congratulations also to Fleming for winning an exciting (and painful) game during Interhouse. Due to recent election results, Syndicate Alley now has three members (enough to prevent any conviction) on the Board of Control. Tell all frosh women to meet John Beck early, since he's not going to frosh camp. (Sorry, John, but I'm sure there's plenty of revenge in The first weekly imitation invitational [sic] [sic] was a great suc-cess. This week's targets are Tony 'Psycho' Wittry and Clea Bures. Judged phrases are "I get these tensions" and "PARKY" respectively. This Saturday Page will have another party, this time letting Rud-dock and Fleming in on the fun. The Captain never tires, and will make Dumpster Alley is having an alley flick to Magic Mountain (Jesus and Chicken: we are informing you of this because your alley did not All must agree that the social highlight of the week, if not was the staggeringly rod B-D-R party, held in Blacker's courtyard-o'-the-big-bricks. The joint was hoppin' to the groovy sounds of Preston Smith and the Crocodiles, cover-band of the Gods, who tore into everything from "Wipe-Out" to "Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire" to "Moonlight in Vermont". Blacker showed up! Dabney showed up! Ricketts showed up! Grad students showed up! Hepcats from the Espresso Bar showed up! Even Vito and friends put in an appearance. The latter seemed to have had a nip previously (didn't they know there was a bar at the party?), and were quickly escorted out by every-friendly Caltech security. At least PARKY didn't start ranting about his distaste for Scurves. Like, chill way out! Otherwise, things have been rather quiet.. Wednesday induced with Foster's Strawberry Donuts (thanks, Bongo!) and Saxy's Pie Night within mere hours of each other... The Anderson Effect is demonstrated, with Heidi's showering (the sin of birthday omission!) mysteriously inducing a corresponding wetness in Laura, moments later. Top physicists are baffled, even Saxy's real live hermit crab. Boop boop boop boop boop! Coming up: Movie night with Bert this Saturday, featuring Laser Disc Digital Video. According to tradition, Sunday should be TWBF so get set to freeze some pizza. It's the LAST Inside World of the year! Eat more batteries! Yow! DROP US A LINE. We're looking forward to what's shaping up to be a truly great whitewater season! Here's some general information and this year's class and price list. Below is a coupon you can clip and send for your reservation or give us a call. We appreciate your inquiry! GROUP DISCOUNT: A 10% discount will apply to all groups of 6 and over. RESERVATIONS AND DEPOSITS: Reservations are accepted by mail or phone on a first come, first serve basis. A 25% deposit if required within 7 days of your call. Full payment is due 30 days before your class. Upon receipt of your deposit, we will send you a confirmation. If final payment is not received when due, SIERRA SOUTH, shall regard the reservation cancelled CANCELLATIONS: If you cancel 31 or more days before your class date, a full refund less a $15 reservation fee will be given. A written notice is required. Cancellations within 30 days before your class can still receive a refund less a $25 cancellation fee, provided you can fill your space or we can. We will do our best to do this, however, if no one takes your place, there is no refund. Please note that preparation for these classes is extensive. If you find yourself delayed in making your final payment, please contact us by phone. RESRRVATTON HORM YES! I want to learn to Kayak this year. Count me in! Enclosed is my check for $ We also accept: • Bank of America 口 Visa MasterCharge Mmount Card No. Exp. Date Name Address City statt thone Zip Undergrads Win Awards For Math Several Caltech undergraduates were honored on May 19 at the an- nua Mathematics Awards Banquet. Arthur Duval and Everett Howe each received an E. T. Bell Undergraduate Mathematics Research Prize for outstanding original research in Mathematics. Duval, a senior majoring in Mathematics, wrote a paper on combinatorics entitled "A Direct Graph Version of Strongly Regular Graphs." Howe another Mathematics major, submitted a paper giving a new proof of a theorem of ardos on monotone multiplicative functions. Sophomore Eric Babson won a Morgan Ward Prize for his contribution to a problem concerning Borel coloring in the plane These prizes, each consisting of a cash award and a certificate, are financed by funds won by the Caltech team participating in the William Lowell Putnam Competi-tion, a national mathematics contest In the Putnam Competition of last December, the Caltech team won honorable mention. and tam members Leland Brown, buvar， and Daniell Loeb Art were honored. Everett Howe placed among the top five contestants nationally and was presented a cash award from Foundation. the Putnam The dinner also honored two recipients of 1986 SURFs (Sum- Undergraduate Research Fellowships) in mathematics: Eric Babson and Theron Stanford. Professor David Wales, Ex- ecutive Officer for Mathematics. announced the formation of the Herbert J. Ryser Memoria Scholarships. These grants are sup ported by an endowment from the estate of the late Herbert J. Ryses wnd had heen Protesso: of Mathematics here from 1967 until the time of his death in 1985. Ryse Scholarships of $5,000 each were awarded for the next academic year to sophomore Eric Babson and to junior John Simpson. Sierra South ADDRESS: Sierra South P.O. Box Y Kernville, California 93238 PHONE: (619) 376-3745 $140.0 $120.00 slob.d $280.00 We look forward to meeting you! BLACKER rom page 12 purselves up to kingdom come? Phase 4B (1:30-2:00PM) Maybe the disks have iloie ¿lues. A Braille code is discerned jut it is stubbornly uncipherable. Stuck again! We call X and beg for lelp. He tells us that we are out of equence and should reset the con-rol board for a second try. Phase 5 (2:00- 2:25PM) The Braille code is broken! It's Three Blind Mice." Time eset...and the Kuro-computer lies. ..aaaarrrggh. but wait, it's ust stuck on RESET. one—entered Sequence and ACCEPTED. 'Row, rOW, 10W your boat"- intered and ACCEPTED. "Three 3lind Mice"-entered and AC-CEPTED. "O When the Saints" - intered - and ERROR. Aaish!! Different key? ERROR. Maybe inother octave? Everyone held heir breath as the final notes were sunched in - ACCEPTED! All six igents stormed the Kurochan lideout, only to find that they had ilready fled back to Saturn (to ravel the spacewaves from planet o planet). Phase 6 (2:25 PM -) Celebration of all the agents dus Mr. wird champagne, talian wine, itrawberries chocolate-dipped and homemade :hocolate-chip cookies. It's a hard ife, being a secret agent...(ND) The Malted Falcon(Laura, Margaret, Karen): 0801 Agent Maxwell Smart of he Chocolate Investigations Agen-y CIA), sat down to his favorite preaktast - chocolate cake. He had sarely begun when he discovered i message in the middle of his cake. The message led to his next issignment, and once again, he was on the trail of evil chocolate smug-glers. Quickly summoning his part-lers, Agents Holt, Magnum, and Wesson, they set off on an assign- THE CALIFORNIA TECH ment which had already claimed sues. The winner. .the air traffic the life of their beloved partner, controlers, wno, nign alop tne Agent Goodbar. control tower, were able to bomb 0810 Miss Susan T. Sharfstein both sides with deadly, water-filled wakes to find herself far away from garbage bags. the world that she had been in the night before. Special thanks to Laura, 'Jtb cau. aldman herself in a world of confection and Margaret, and Karen for making a really fun stack, and to Tony, Bob, cocoa. Yes, she has stepped into - Odessa, Mark, and the people at the Chocolate Zone (doo do doo do Brown and Caldwell for helping doo do. .). She finds herself out. (Max) changed into a creature never before seen on Earth-the Chocolate Chip Fairy, charged with the sacred mission of escor-ting the prized Malted Falcon into the magical land of FudgeLandia. 1000 Fairy and her assistants, the Chocolate Chips, using their chocolate limousine, arrive at the rendezvous point to meet with the elusive Godiva, a practiced black-marketeer of chocolate and malted goods. Godiva Malted Falcon. sells them the The agents from the CIA ar-rive, but they are a few minutes too late to talk to Godiva and prevent the sale. But they discover that the smugglers are non other than the Chocolate Chip gang led by the nefarious Chocolate Chip They are hot on the trail. Fairy. 1300 Both the agents and the Chocolate Chips begin to plan their strategies. The Chips meet in Bechtel Mall for lunch. Mean-while, the CIA agents, with the help from the mysterious mistress of malted goods, the Chocolatizer, plan a daring heist of the chocolate Iimousine. With the assistance of double agent Cadbury, the chauf-feur, the plan succeeds. 1400 The CIA agents meet for lunch in Stottlemeyer's Deli. It is Mission Incomplete(BooBoo): We ripped down the sheet and started reading. The only was to look for red or green posterboard cards of the appropriate markings. Until noon, everything seemed to go well, and the card numbers and locations began to form a connect- the-dots message Uil & callivus map. We quickly learned that the cards were located on the top of on-campus buildings south of San Pas-qual. We had found half of the re-quired cards when lunch rolled arouna After lunch, however, we found only one more card, and then no more. Due to a profound lack of success, we began to smell rot- lell socks. We checked by Bill Banks' stack, but came up empty-handed. Using the clues we had, several chemistry grad turkeys were questioned, and the Ath basement was searched, but again no luck. rven ransacking Heveral Noyes lecture rooms along with 22 Gates did not relieve our frustra-tion. 5:00 came and went. Boo Boo came in at 10:30 at night. Despite not having finished the stack due to randomness, Boo Boo let us eat his bribe anyway. Thanks, Boo! You're swell! (JD) there that double agent Cadbury reveals that the transfer of the priceless Malted Falcon out of the country is to take place at a small airport in El Molino. The stage is set for the final showdown. 1555 The agents arrive witness the illegal transfer. A wild gunfight on the airport taxiway en- So that's about it for the stacks. .. Oh yes, there was Peter's and Robert's, but I'm not sure what happened to theirs No matter. By five in the after-noon, there was food aplenty and fond memories in the House of Gracious Living. MONK'S PIZZA TAKE-OUT FREE DELIVERY 26 N. Los Robles, Pasadena (Just Ño. of Colorado Blvd.) Rick Dees KIIs FM Say" Ten One of the Top MENU Limited Delivery Area Pizzas in LA! 12 INCH 16 INCH Cheese 4.99 7.12 1 Item 5.89 8.45 2 Items 6.79 9.78 3 Items 7.69 11.08 4 Items 8.59 12.38 5 ltems 9.49 13.68 Monk's Special 8.59 12.38 (Pepperoni, Mushrooms, Green Peppers, Onions. & Sausage) Pepperoni, Sausage, Sagees sterons im sto Cre en Peypers: Hi Hom, Pineapple, ieer, onves, amperos, ancnoves, cxtta cneese. tncr crusr All Pizzas Made to Order with Only the Freshest Ingredients; 100% Pure Dairy Mozzarella Cheese, and Our Own Private Sauce Recipe. All Prices Include Sales Tax. No Surprises. CALL 304-9234 HOURS Sun,-Thurs, 11:00-1:00 AM Fri.-Sat. 12-C00 AM $200 OFF ANY MONK'S SPECIAL (Limited Delive (1 COUPON PER PIZZA) $100 OFF ANY MONK'S PIZZA (Limited Delivery Area) (1 COUPON PER PIZZA) $200 OFF ANY LG. 16" PIZZA 2 ITEMS OR MORE imited Delivery Are: COUPON PER PIZZA COPYRIGHT & 1985 MONEY MAILER. INC FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 1 5 -FEATURES Lab #9483: Mission Impossible by George Horman I. Purpose: We didn't want to get a tan, so we signed up for Physics so that we could spend lots of time in the lab. We were bored that day, so we decided to experiment with three-legged, black, plastic daddy longlegs. We wanted to see if it would twitch if we ran lots of current through his legs. II. Theory: We apply a small current to one of the spider's legs (call-ed the base leg) so that he distracted by this tingly sensation and doesn't notice when we run 300 times more current through another pair of his legs. If we didn't first apply this current to his base leg, he (it might be a she, but we can't III. Apparatus: For this experiment we used a daddy longlegs spider with all but three of his legs pulled off. Refer to figure @. Daddy longlegs spider A is first strap-ped down to a rack B. Then we run a small current through his base leg to the emitter leg using the Los Angeles County power plant C. This current distracts the spider so that we can run a current through the collector-emitter pair. This current is produced by lightning D which travels through a lightning rod E. The rack to which the spider is secured allows us to increase the tension so that the spider cannot resist as much This component is called a variable resistor. tell) would resist the large current by kicking and screaming spiders could scream). (if Figure I: Poor, Helpless Spider in Circuit IV. Procedure: First we strapped the spider in place and tightened the rack slightly. Then we applied the cullolll generated from the Los Angeles County power plant. We then observed the reaction of the spider to lightning bolts passing through his legs. We continued these observations, gradually in-creasing the rack tension until the spider snapped in two. V. Analysis and Results: The spider seemed to respond negative-ly to this treatment. A graph of kicks per volt is shown in the graph in figure This looks close enough to linear for us. How about you? Notice that there is a rapid decrease in kicks per volt from 80V to 90V. The daddy longlegs snap-ped at 80V, however natural reflexes continued to cause the legs to contract. This action gradually subsided, although before all action had ceased, the voltage began to arc the gap at 90V. At this point there was no more movement in the spider dust. VI. Summary: Spiders don't make good electrical components. VII. Error Analysis: We think there is no doubt in our observa-tion that spiders do not make good electrical components. However, we were not able to verify this for spiders of both sexes and different age groups. VIII. References: We referred to the lab assistant about thirty times: 100 75 50 25 0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 fig. 2: Kicks vs. Volts The Student Travel Network still thinks tiavel is an adventure! We can get you to Australia on scheduled airline put you on the back fof a horse, in a kayak or on top of * Ayer's Rock faster & cheaper than anyone. Fly with us to Sydney, from $975 round trip, with free stop- overs in the Pacitic. Call us in LA at (213) 934-8722, 380-2184 or (818) 886-0804. STN NEVENT ORK 7204 Melrose Avenue • LA 90046 90 1 6 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 MAY 1986 8 Hands for the Parents There will be an 8-hands piano concert for visiting parents. special evening of muste will be presented vy membels Or u mano onsemble class to nonor barent visiting at the beginning of summer. Seniors John and Betsy Arnold will be assisted Shenda Baker and Mickey oneral, Music oy bach. Moralt, ochubert. Debussy, , Dvorak, and Poulenc will be per- formed. Parents and friends are welcome for the concert and reception on Saturday, June ine event will take olace di 381 S. Sierra Bonita Ave. Fall Contracts Fall Contracts will be available today, May 30, in the Master's Office. The contract deadline is Wednesday, July 2. McKinney Prize Winners The McKinney ommittee of the pleased to announce the ne srize was woll lolnuy ov Timothy Allen and Joseph Francis. They will each be awarded $300. Honorable men-lion goes to Laura Anderson, Joe Becken- oacn, sanurd blumhorse, cnns vinos. oam Weaver, and Tung Yin. Start getting ready for next year's con-test. If you have questions, contact Professor Jenjoy La bene, rovo Summer Jobs The Alumni Association, in conjunction with me carter Deveronment center. nas enerated some summer job possibilities These positions are currently available, sc 11 you are micreste mi sunnne chiaoymet. vor snorle come Du te lue as soon as possible. We expect to have more jobs so please check with the CDC (Room 8, Parsons-Gates) on a regular basis Another Final Offer The Poetry Workshop that meets in the Y Lounge on the second and fourth lues day evenings or eaen mont now nas coples of its book Another Final Offer. They are on sale for $2 (cheap) and are available in the y Ottice. New members are always welcome. bring your poetry to snare. Special Campus Tours the A rchitecural our vervice nere a Caltech (bet you didn't know we had one) will offer guided walking tours of architec ture on lne calleen camous ds lell Coll ¿ributon ie the vasadeni centenniai The free tours, which will last one hour and fifteen minutes will take place on Satur day. May 3i from J0 am to 4 pm. They will trace the instiles archtectural mistorv. beginning with the work of architect Bertram Goodhue, buildings, as well as the original plan of the camous 11 1910 The Caltech Architectural Tour Service s a docent group recently organized by th -diles womens cud. ro lour leorvo tons. sonnle baker at mne canech Public Relations Office, (818) 356-6228. CLASSIFIED HELP WANTED- RESORT HOTELS, Cruise lines & Amusement Parks are now accepting applications for employment! To recieve an application and infor-mation, write: Tourism Information Services. P.O Box 7881 Hilton Head Island, SC 29938. FOR SALE- '74 FORD GRAN TORINO V8 automatic 4 door only 125,000 miles! New tires & battery. Runs good looks bad. Fair price $400 lobo. (818) 246-8882 eves. GENERAL- INSURANCE WAR! Will beat any price, or don't want your business! Sports cars, multitickets, good driver discount. Request "Caltech Plan." Call (818) 992-6966 oг (213) 873-3303. WORDS IN THE GLEN Wordprocessing, editing most subjects (UCLA PhD). Quality work, reasonable rates. Russian translation also available. Call (818) 794-6868. RATES $2.50 for first 30 words; 10¢ for each additional word Payment must accompany ad. No 38 94 1 14 5 10st & found. WHAT GOES ON MCAT Registration Candidates oldamlaz take the September 13, 1986 Medic Ad- mission Test are STRONGLY URGED to register or pick up a registration packe before they ieave campus for the summer. Registration packets available in the Career Development Office New Humanities Courses Lit 180- The French Short Story. The reading shall cover a range of stories from the Middle ages to me iwenuet century 1l-lustrating the evolution of the genre from the straight tale to the complex modern short story and stressing the specificity of the short story in relation to te novel. Readings are in English but students may read the French originals instead. will be taught by Annette Smith and it will not receive ad vanced numanites creali Lit 100-Modern/rost Modern. course will cover a sampling of Modern and Post-Modern Fiction and social and literary cancism • consaer onel forms, including architecture. Taught by David Smith 11-12:00 and Th The little t Needs YOU! This summer will see the creation of next year's little t (we're getting new printers. e will evell ve out on time!. The little woule ike vour neid-ll vou know anything inaccurate or out-of-date in this vould be useful to ethers, or especially i you tave new NEsiaUkaNt nevicws. us 2 line to the utte 1. 10/-al little t Needs Club Info The "Clubs" section of the little t will need updating for next year. From new clubs, I need a description of your club, and whom people should contact if they're in- ¡crescu, viu ciuos snould suonut mrortlla ton onivit whats sted in the current titie is incorrect or out-of-date. . If a listed club is now defunct, tell us. Mail it all in to: lit- nel. lUll. ananiks. Hot and Throbbing Yes, this year's Rivet, the traditional end- of-the-vea odious Issue. collie ur soon-ook for 1t June oth. we need exir Attention Alumni vor those at vou who nave recenty received letters from the Big T: Diedse disregard the April 25th Due to our voor collale Ol 1ha1nne die 01111412 times, the deadline nas been extended te June 1. Thank you for your support. Ebell Scholarships The Ebell of Los Angeles is offering scholarships to single undergraduale student who: are residents of or are registered to in Los Angeles County; GPA's of 3.25 and who have tinancial need. In 19x4-82 the scholarsnlo. were for $2,750. Applications are available in the Financial Aid Office, Parsons-Gates room i. Deachne is didy su Top psychics Intellectual Origins of Fascism. philosophical. historical, and literary texts that contributed to the formation of fascism, with special at venden on Unter vine acrises tal unly do parently diverse or competing doctrines Readings that will include Nietzsche, Sorel Gentile. Mussolini and literary figures such as yeais and round. instuctor is Lawrence Rainey and the class will meet TTh 1-2:30. Grad Student Housing Graduate student housing information packets and applications for 1986-87 are now available in the Housing Office. If you are merested In oblamme monaton lor next year, stop by the housing office and pick up a packet or call x6178 and a packet Campus MacUsers I need your ideas for Macintosh software and hardware development on campus. Call kent noole al 9L-4473. Insurance Scholarships The Independent Insurance Agents of America are offering $1,000 scholarships to ten outstanding students who meet the following qualifications: 1) Successtulf) comperee somnomore or unor vedr LiDi a U.S. citizen, 3) Show an interest in pursuing a career in insurance. Applications are available in the Finan- can are oilice rarsons-ales room 10 Deadline is July 15, 1986. man put together! Contact Peter Alfke, 578-9219, or Josh Kurutz, 356-9414 if you're interested. Job Hunting? Company annual reports provide a useful financial and managerial picture of a pro- spective enoloyer. If you are pursuing company-related intormaron. anu ilIC Career Development Center does not have voul collivaly s annual report, come to the Management Library in the Industrial Rela- tions Center. We have nundreds of annual companies Anhori Laboratories, Digital Equipment Corpora- tion, and Rockwell International. Call Lori Harth at yal kx for more nonnaion, Or visi the Library at 383 S. Hill Ave. The Management Library Monday-Friday, 8 am-12 noon and 1-5 pm. Welcome! Hillel At Rest Tuesday afternoons from 4:30 to 6:00 nm is an intormal gatherine or Miller ark Caltech Jewish community in the Y Lounge 2nd floor of Winnett Center. Refreshments and a little relaxation. For information, call Myra Baxter (213) 208-4427, or drop in. Conoco Scholarship The American Business associduon 1s offering the Women's Conoco, scholarsain tor 19oo. ine scholarmis 1s 101 $3000. The qualified applicant must be a woman studying eum Engineering. She must be a U.S. citizen graduate by the end of the S-raes. room 1 Deadline is June 15, 1986 Newman Club ne newman ciuo nicers th uke Lounge every Wednesday evening at 7:30 pm. Friendly discussion and refreshments Bible Study Wednesdays at noon in the Y Lounge are the time for a blole stuay and discussion group. Bring a lunch. For information, call Paul Dunlap, 356-4670. Aerobics Class Sandwiched in between the Moderi Dance Class and the International Folk Dan-cing, Dabney Hall is the home of an aerobic exercise class lor vezuumr are miermediat students, 6:30 to 7:30 pm on Tuesdays 1 110 sessions are coed. For information, call Jen nifer Wood, 799-6915 PASADENA SCIENTIFIC & TECHNICAL BOOKS We Stock Scholarly & Professional Books in: ENGINEERING - HANDBOOKS • SCIENCES - MATH AEROSPACE - COMPUTERS - BUSINESS - CODES NURSING - PSYCHOLOGY - ARCHITECTURE - DESIGN We Specialize in: FAST DELIVERY • SPECIAL ORDERS PHONE ORDERS M-Thur. 9-6 Fri. 9-5 Saturday 10-4 794-4499 1388 E. WASHINGTON BL. - PASADENA THE HAIR CUTTERS HIS AND HERS OPEN EVENINGS 449-6967 449-1022 $3.00 Discount for Caltech students with this ad 1009 E. COLORADO PASADENA PARKING IN REAR Club Reports Due To all clubs and ASCIT publications: If you are a new club, term's activities is due by 30. If this is not urned in. you lildy lose lunaing 101 the rest of the year If you are an cial statement must be turmed in by May irit is not you may sacrince salaries and/ol Turn reports and statements in to David Bruning, 115 Page, 578-9971 Scholarships For Women The Asian/Pacific Women's Network-Los Angeles is encouraging applications for four $1000 scholarships for women of Asian or Pacific Island ancestry. The scholarship calconles are Immigrants, including refugees in pur- suit of higher education or ESL Life Change, including those individuals returne SChOOl altel chlidren, individuals in mid-career change, and individuals in pursuit of leadership training, neducinile. both undergraduate and graduate study Trade/Vocational- women pursuing a trade or vocational training to develop andor chnance new skulls Ann ications and information can ne os tained by writing to: Asian/Pacific Women's Scholarship Com- mittee. 2818 Gravson Avenue • Venice. CA 90291, or by calling Mary (213) 409-0140 or Meibao (213) 821-0326 Engineering Design Contest The highly acclaimed engineering design contest of last fall will be offered again in the autumn of 1986 as ME 72a (Engineer- the course number flas chans ed from ME 5. but the content and the stvl remain the same. Note that the details of the will be different (and secret) this year. Please also note that previous par ticipants in the contest are ineligible for the 1986 contest (despite the change in course number). Pre-registration is encouraged to Racullae rnmne cunne lue suminer. 4i interested junior or senior who does not have the stated pre requisites should see Prof. An tonsson in 318 Thomas. Engineers as wel as non-enemeers are encouraged to enron However, enrollment is limited to 30 so register early. This year the day time, and location of the final contest will be publicized well in advance, and spectators are welcome. Sam Custom Jailor PM SAMSON 49 NORTH ALTADENA DRIVE PASADENA CA 91107 818-793-2582 ALTERATIONS RESTYLING TAILORING INVISIBLE REWEAVING Special rates tor Caltech/PL community. CALTECH PASADENA, CA 91125 Too Busy For Real World? It vou find vourset ioo Dusy 10 1010w the news, there's an alternative. Read The i world news Jubilsted Copies are SUDSCHOCT distributed to Millikan (front desk), Baxter Affairs Room) and the subscribe (free of charge), sign up in front or thei office in Winnett or contact the editors: Masok Chang, i-ay and rales! Murthy, 1-59. Also, , if you're interested in helping with writing, research and produc non. please contact the editors of the newspaper. Write For Cookies The Caltech Y is sponsoring a letter-writing campaign to let the Provost and other administrators know what the undergraduate una gracuare scens want In the way o ^ shuldent center as a trantel ascalt ot bureaucratic inertia As an incentive, the Y LIlee cookies at the ned Jo0r cdie. you have to do is compose a letter describing what you want in the way of a student center, and send it to the Yat 218-51. The " Will take care or lne lest. and thake suri that the letters get delivered to the important hands. S, 1986 and the cookie coupons are good througn June 1o: 1900. ouggested topies 101 jetters include: What facilities you want in a student Think in terms of what you woulc reaty like to see and would ike lo use Where you want a student center, and whether you want a new building or addi- tions to present tacilities Any other concerns acout the studen center -whether you want one at all, the advantages or drawbacks of grad/undergrad socrating, Or anything else you can think Remember, if enough of you don't get off your posteriors and at least say wha vant, "they" will be able to say "Why bothe spending money, te students dont care. Be Mr. America!!! (Folks, we didn't write this, or make it up; we just feel that all us guys should know about this amazing opportunity. - Eds./ Headquarters citing. . Mr. Male America contest nas lust announced. they are currenty ac cepting applications for the 1986 pageant yeal No longer with the gentleman need a muscular physique to enter such an event He. ises the sonarina e characteristics . Poise Personality. ul course ... Handsomeness! Winners from al do states will comnete for the ile orvi Male America in November of 1986. The winner will receive cash... prizes... per- sondi appearance contract….and. MORE! All interested men must be at least 18 years old, married, single, divorced, or a Midower, Miesuch ol uich slate 10i di leas 6 months. A high schooi graduate or higher level of education. A U.S. citizen. Gentlemen • Virase send to head- quarters a current snao snot or yoursem black and white or color is permissable (full profile please) Write a brief biography, let us know something about you. On a seperat sneer. en us wiy you decided lu ciner lit pageant. Please include a stamped, seit ddressed envelope to receive your official pageant entry form Send all info to 190 State Highway #18 East Brunswich N.J., 08816 Or call: 201-846-7273. ACADEMY BARBER SHOP 27 No. Catalina, Pasadena Open Tues. thru Sat. 8 AM tO S PM. 449-1681 he California Tech is published weekly except during examination and vacatio veriods by Associated Students of the California Institute of Technology, in